At midday they looked up and saw their death
streaming down from high above
something they didn’t recognize
they mistook their doom for love.
At midday they gazed along and held their breath
a beauty beheld they’d never seen
swaying jointly back and forth
all entranced by death’s machine.
At sundown they breathed their last and ceased to be
pulsing brightly along the ground
the angelic creature satisfied
with the ease of the meal it found.
At sunrise nature was free of man and rejoiced.
Author notes
At midday they looked up and saw their death
A contest entry
- Index of First Lines by Keith.
525 points, ended March 29, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything goes! I want your best! by urapns66.
375 points, ended April 23, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What say you?
Comments
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a really nice write! great job, I really enjoyed this piece! good luck in all of your contests
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This is fantastic!
This is a very interesting and thought provoking
As I ponder-'The biblical accounts of the end of the world come to mind and people believing that it is the hand of God...."they mistook their doom for love."
Whatever you intended it captured me.
And the last line WOW!!!
I imagine nature would rejoice !
Great stuff!
As always!
~Pastel
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Thank you, I really appreciate your enthusiastic comment!
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This is really quite a good wee poem, though I don't know if the last line is really necessary to hammer home the message. I think the first three verses do it well enough. Then again, you might extend the final line to a complete four lines. That might give the whole thing greater unity. Just a few ideas. I've tried to give links to the poems which the first lines come from, but this one has defeated me. It's by a poet called George Barker, and it's called Memorial Sonnet III.
Thanks for entering.
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