A CROW COMES CALLING
As I lay in bed filled with a sickness
a tapping on my window seeks my name.
A black flying menace bears a witness.
The flutter of wings beyond window pane
A cawing and cackling of impatience.
Somehow knowing of failing conditions.
Lifeless eyes seeking me in persistence
Its hungry calls beckoning completion.
“Leave my presence black carrier of death,
your bloody beak will not rip open skin.
For I refuse to die from poison breath
delivered from scaled lips of Satan’s grin.”
Feathered wings spreading open from its breast.
The crow waits to fill its ominous quest.
Author notes
this is my first attempt at an English Sonnet.
rhyming abab, cdcd, efef, gg and each line 10 syllables
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Very intersting piece
wow, thanks for sharing, I really enjoyed the journey.
e
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Thank you for reading and commenting. I truly appreciate it.
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A perfect sonnet
I would change one word though;
end of verse two, line eight
instead of rendition
I would use completion.
Its much more accurate
by its definition.
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Thank you Bob for reading and commenting. I agree I don't like rendition either. I think completion would work better. I will make the change. Thanks again.
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I would not have been able to tell that this was a first attempt. I love sonnets, and this one wonderfully dark imagery about it. Such a contrast to how, through my mother's influence, I've come to view crows--as a symbol of a guardian angel. The final stanza is the most consistant in terms of meter, but I enjoyed this piece very much.
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Thank you for reading and commenting. I like the sonnet form and will do more. I agree about the iambic pentameter that the English sonnet should have, and will continue to improve on that on my future writes. Thanks again always great to hear from you.
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You give a great vision of the final minutes
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Thank you for reading and commenting on this write. I appreciate it.
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AWESOME
Wow Charley, you certainly are learning alot from your course.It shows through your writes.This is awesome my friend and for a first attempt, well who would know? Its perfect!!Its dark and for some reason I really enjoyed the dark side write.I was glued to the screen while reading it.I love it.I take my hat off to you and give you my standing ovation for a superb write.Hugs to ya my dear poet friend.Keep up the great work, cant wait to read more!!
Take care and many blessings to you.
~Angel~
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Thank you Angel, yeah my class is helping me see things in a different way. I always appreciate hearing your thoughts on my writing it always means a lot to me. I definately want to do more of this form.
Thanks again,
Charley
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Wow baby. This is so dark. I love it. It's perfect. You are the greatest writer ever!
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Thank you Guinee for reading this one, I appreciate it.
Love ya,
Charley
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Excellent
WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CK, this write is so perfectly penned.
So very well done, for your first attempt my friend.
*STANDS AND APPLAUDS*
Well done.
Keep up with the great work.
Keep on penning.
Thank you so very much for sharing your wonderful talents with us.
*S* Cynthia
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Thank you Cynthia for reading and commenting it is greatly appreciated. I'm glad you enjoyed.
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