At midday they looked up and saw their death,
And were struck by a feeling of intense regret.
They told themselves that they would not cry,
But then they saw all the things that they could not try.
They wished that they had taken their time,
And not rushed to ring the chime.
The chime they heard was not of a bell,
Although it was a summons to Heaven or to Hell.
They both heard the noise,
Yet only one of them lost their poise.
The other watched as their love fell,
And waited to hear their own knell.
They then at last pulled the trigger,
And died Happily Ever After.
Author notes
I don't know if this is what you are looking for..
I used the line,
"At midday they looked up and saw their death."
This is a work of fiction.
A contest entry
- Index of First Lines by Keith.
525 points, ended March 29, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Huh, the theme behind this piece is a new one to me and I think I kind of get it.
I like how the happily ever after thing was unexpectedly death together, forever (lol); almost got confused with the chime but hey, rhyming are sometimes tricky and all 0.o
All in all, good job with this write
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It's not so much whether this is what I'm looking for as whether or not you're satisfied with it. Verses like "they both heard the noise/ but only one of them lost their poise" read a bit like doggerel. And what's this chime, if it was not of a bell? A sign from heaven perhaps? Overall it seems a bit loosely put together. But thanks for entering anyway.
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The chime is the sound of the gun going off....
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Hi Michelle. its orla from spunout, just decided to check out your poems now wen iwas gona bebo yo!! Do you no wat the dealio with the confo in Galway is??
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