United under a nation of tragedy
All the countries of the world come together
None of which can carry their burdens
And still step as light as a feather
Our foundation built from blood
Insulated with bodies of the innocent
Our leaders slumber in denial
Blind that the downfall of man is imminent
Century and we've progressed to no where
When race and sex still matter
Catch a reflection of Earth in the moonlight
For soon the model of existence will shatter
Ask the creatures from the darkest depths
As man strolls hell with his money and madness
The devil cowers from his hand
As the skies above peer down in sadness
Nothing can stop this catastrophe
It can't be solved with violence
All the world shall stand still
As we all fall in silence
A contest entry
- TASTE THE DARKNESS BIG POINTS WHAAAT by bones7.
2300 points, ended March 21, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - It's the end of the world as we know it by TrixieOne.
600 points, ended March 24, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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WOW! Great message, great emotion. So true...so sad!
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a good message has been conveyed here, and i appreciate it...best of luck to you in the contest, and a good day to you also
-ryan -
I thought that this was powerfully penned and shows that you have great skill and control over your poetry. The words fit this poem well, and help set the tone for the poem. I've enjoyed reading this very much. Keep up the great job. It was wonderfully penned.
Dani
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what you've written here
is a powerful write with a courageous theme.
i like the words you've used here
since they pretty much placed
the straightforward facts in a wonderful kind of way.
also these words are very true, indeed.
and the ending? a wonderful final touch to this piece.
makes me wish the world didn't have battles to begin with.
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Very nice...I like the angle you chose, so true...we really haven't progressed; in fact, at this point we're devolving. I love the image of man walking through hell with his money...already dead and still wrapped up in stupid concerns.
Thanks for the entry. Best of luck in the contest
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While the message rings with truth, I feel I must disagree on some of the details. There is no culture or nation that can claim liniage back to the very first nation states of the world. Rise and fall, growth and decay are all a part of the human cycle. That's how it is and that's how it will always be. Someone will "save" mankind only to have mankind "saved" from them. We aren't unique or different, and our downfall won'r herald the destruction of mankind (unless it's wwIII, in which case 99% of us are pretty well screwed)
Very nicely written, I do like it. It flows very well and just seems to roll right off the tongue -
Hmmmm. Very interesting... I really like the idea behind these words. It really speaks the truth too.. Powerful words, and powerfully written.. I feel as if you were very passionate about this topic...
This is very powerful to me as a read too.. I could feel your emotions... Wonderful too...
Nicely penned
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This is something everyone needs to hear because it's what's going on right now. This is a write that everyone needs to read whether they are a happy person or depressed. It's a write that everyone can related to. Wonderful job at describing. Your vocabulary made this piece all the more powerful.
xoxo
pixie -
--cheers applauding-- bravo, and its been a while since I've been really impressed. WICKED write, thankyou fo the read, oh, good work!!
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This is nice, For most of the poem it flows very well, I had to read over Stanza two, Because it did not flow as well as the rest of the poem- Line 8 specifically. I like the poem, wonderful use of words. esp. line 11 and 12. I think everything comes together very well at this point. Overall, I think it is well written, And you did a wonderful Job describing todays world. I must agree with Maverik, Very explosive message.
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This is too true! I am awestruck by the simple premise and the absolutely explosive message. So many of us are blind to all these things that are wrong, not just the leaders. Very well done!
Good luck in the contests.
-M
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Well Done!
I hope the judges realize that this is worthy of one of the top prizes. This is exceptional! I was floored and hopefully this will have the same effect and win you a prize, a good one!
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