I walked a road that was not there
A road that led to everywhere
But here I stand amazed and downhearted
I finally arrived back where I started
In a list
A contest entry
- Make Me Laugh by pointlessdayz.
475 points, ended April 20, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Yes!! Good! Ah, amazed cluelessness. It gives a different feel to the poem which is even funnier!
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Heh. I like this! The first two lines are great, but the last two may be fixed up a tad. (I an loath to say this for fear that you will think me harsh and think I don't really like your poem, but I am brave and say it anyway in hopes you will understand that the helpfulness in me needs an outlet, and I want to make people love this poem like I do)
The last line is OK, but a little awkward. I'd leave it unless I could find a better option. I finally got to where I started? Nah...well, maybe.
third line...what you really need--unhelpfulness alert--is a two syllable word with the emphasis on the last syllable to replace completely. Like depressed. But here I stand, depressed, downhearted. Like that. Anyway, good luck! Feel free to ignore!
Maith tu and clappies!
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Thanks for your critique.I have changed line 3.
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Please spell check. There are some errors.
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