A touch of cold in the Autumn night
made me shiver,
like there was ice running down my back
I just had a feeling there was something more,
something out there in the dark.
What it was I'm not quite sure...
But it filled me with an unknown power,
a strength I'll always possess.
Author notes
I decided after reading your advice to simply get rid of the second stanza. I think it has more power this way.
A contest entry
- Index of First Lines by Keith.
525 points, ended March 29, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Do you like this poem? Please be honest.
Comments
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The first verse is the better of the two. It is quite atmospheric. The second doesn't really add anything for me - and there's a u missing in autumn as well as an unnecessary apostrophe in its.
The original is from a poem by T.E. Hulme - quite an interesting man. Here's a link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T._E._Hulme
The whole poem is quite short, so I'll include it here
Autumn
A touch of cold in the Autumn night -
I walked abroad,
And saw the ruddy moon lean over a hedge
Like a red-faced farmer.
I did not stop to speak, but nodded,
And round about were the wistful stars
With white faces like town children
Thanks for entering -
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Thanks for the advice. It was really helpful and also interesting to see the original poem with the line.
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