Morning can be silent
like the breath of god
too far away to be heard.
I walk on tip-toe
not to disturb the rest
of the many weary dead.
I creep like heather
round the untouched places
wondering why no one comes.
Too far away to be heard
like the breath of god
the morning can be silent.
A contest entry
- Tempt My Heart - PW by Melissa Burns.
600 points, ended March 22, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hit me with EVERYTHING. PW OK! by z etoile.
375 points, ended March 28, 2008, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This is dark. Beautifully-written. I love the depth to this piece of yours. You have talent.
All the best
Wayne Leon
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Sometimes silence is a very beautiful thing!
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gud write.. whos heather..sry..=p i liked it alot =)... no hes not far away he's here there and everywhere hehehe i heard that sumwhere hmm
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Heather is a type of flowering plant. I feel you may have missed the point I was making, but your interpretation is you own.
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Christ!,
This was really wild.
Comes in on the peripheral side of the brain.
...I creep like heather
...round the untouchable places
...wondering why no one comes.
eminence description,
and the poem just had a very cool eerie felling to it.
You seem to be a thinking mans poet.
Great work.
I use the expression ..tip toe .in a piece i did called....King Of The Wild Night....lol....never saw it in any other piece..weird...lol
If I don't see ya no more in this world
I'll meet ya on the next one
and don't be late.
LOWELL POE.
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I really enjoyed this poem. It has just enough lines to get the point across. I thank you for entering my humble little contest - best of luck 2 u!
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Flawless imagery. I really related to this piece. I have so often, and seemingly forever, seemed to tiptoe through the world for fear of revealing myself as the comet inside. I have been way too long a companion of silence, to the point where I am only restful in the presance of white noise. Can't even sleep without it. "I creep like heather"...heather being a rather quiet and soft image of foliage was an awesome analogy.
So enjoyed it. -
cemetery
Hello there, Leah.
I read your poem and thought it was set in a cemetery because the details point me in that direction:
I walk on tip-toe
not to disturb the rest
of the many weary dead.
But the lines which stood out for me were these ones with its excellent starting point of a simile:
I creep like heather
round the untouched places
wondering why no one comes.
Good stuff!
Have a gr8 day,
BJ.
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A decision has been reached by the second and third line, that the breath of god is something distant. This is a choice the poet and scribe has made for themself. Not all readers would make such a reference. Creeping around like heather on the untouched places is a statement of genius. In the place of the dead there is still the question wondering why no one comes? Then the reiterating that the breath of god is too distant to be heard once again makes the 'morning being silent a classic close. I congratulate you on a well formed piece. RC
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