Yes, alone and happy is the way that I'll stay
will be distinct and quite clear
but as I looked beneath his soaking hat, I swear I saw him wink.
and a poem that just shouldn't be........
upon his own living room chair.
Sleeping in cold doorways each night.
Afraid he'd miss one before he would die.
And raise your pinky to the hoon.
You will be a survivor, like me.
'No thanks, not tonight'.
that could never be ignored.
To her daughter who lives across the sea, but where, no-one knows.
He was the hundredth UK soldier to die.
Goodbye,… I love you Dad.
before trust in Temptation you bestow.
each time he dons his Santa attire.
Author notes
This certainly makes a weird poem.... but it was fun to see what came out
A contest entry
- Build A Poem with the Last Lines of Your Own Poetry! FUN! by Melodies.
600 points, ended March 16, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Hood Wink!
I confess I was a little confused as I read this but then when I saw Melodies contest I understood completely
I had to go back and re-read it again; it reads quite well for a patch work poem
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
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100th Hood-Wink!
Very interesting and different poem! I was led in a couple of different directions by this one! It is filled with emotion and imagery -- good work!\
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WOW
what can i saw...it was weird to say the least but then when gone over many times a story soon appeared... the closeness of family and the death that war brings...strange how mixed words can mean so many different things to others...you did an out standing job...line for line
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Well, it has meaning.
And dying in Iraq/Afghanistan is not weird but a miscalculation, perhaps. Soldiers are Santas when at home with wives and children.
You begin with alone and happy. Somehow, it seems a touch poignant ... but then you see a water-logged guy wink. He must have come down in the last shower.
I reckon you've done a very good job with your last lines. Ron.
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I swear, if I hadn't checked to see if this was a propmted write within your notes, I'd be calling for the men in white coats, ''hello, I think my Big Sis has finally lost the plot''.
I read it again, and believe how close each line fell together, as if meant to be, in their own abstract little way. A very intriguing write Sis, and one that shows exactly what can be done by collaboration of your own words. Full marks to Melodies tho for the idea. Brilliant. I should get up and read earlier more often.
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As you say it makes a wierd poem but then some of these lines actually work well together and over all this poem actually can be taken as a poem obout our soldiers dying abroad. well done Ann all the best Brian.
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it reads pretty well i think lol i did one the other day from the first liens of poems - quite a sombre feeling to this i think
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Reminds me of this song I heard a few times on the radio.. was around Christmas time, yet it doesn't really seem to have the same feeling.
More of a "what the heck" kind of reaction here, but it's all good.
The second to last stanza was my favorite. That "no thanks, not tonight" caught me off guard.
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This makes a certain amount of sense, and I haven't even been drinking
Who could have thought of an exercise like this? One of these days I'll have to have a go myself.
Good Luck in your contest.
Jim -
ummmmmmmmm different? loony? You?
Couldn't believe me eyes when I saw whatcha writ sista, then I realised what it was all abart and know you are a clebber lil echidna. This face is smiling. Blessings, love 'n hugs, Tricia
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Wacky but... Damn I liked it.
Does that say much for me? LOL.
Good luck in the contest,
All the best.
~T.S~
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ok I thought i had lost it. or you had and I wasn't sure which one of us was it and thought if i asked i would look so stupid then read the note whew.
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This made for a very interesting poem I wish I'd seen this contest before, would have loved to enter it just for the fun of it.
Your poem came out petty good, and yes a little weird and disconnected at times but that just made it better
Good luck in the judging
Dee
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Oh, I was sitting here thinking that maybe this was a personal poem or something, then I see the author notes. And yes, I am releaved you didn't lose your dad today. whooooa.. Nicely done me
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wow
This would be a tough challenge but looks like you did a good job at it. Not sure howmine would have worked out. Great job my friend. God bless you, Mark
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it's funny how these work out
good luck -
I know where most of these lines came from and what poem
it's funny how you tied all of them together lol
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My! My!
This was bouncing a bit off the walls - my mind kept trying to make a trail - loved the adventure!
Good Luck in the contest!
Tang
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Lol, I think the second stanza contradicted itself as in in his own house, then sleeping outside lol.
I actually laughed out loud to the second stanza:
"You will be a survivor like me.
"No thanks, not tonight." lmao, that person doesn't want to be a survivor then. This has got to win!
Last stanza was just so weird. Good luck!
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LOL this is great, it kinda makes sense in a strange way hehehe.... great job hun, wonder what mine would look like, quite strange I'd imagine goodluck in the contest
Love you
Karen
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