"I'm watching you."
Whispered words on the telephone
strikes a chord of fear
when they are whispered
in a single mother's ear.
"I'm watching you."
Where was this person?
Did she know why their here?
Surely it was just a prank,
there should be no cause to fear.
"I'm watching you."
Looking out the windows
to find the darkness looking back.
Close the drapes, run like hell
from room to room she goes.
"I'm watching you."
Check the children quickly
to make sure they're safe.
Bending down to check their breath,
finding corpses upon the beds.
"I'm watching you."
Terrifying horror as reality sinks in.
There is truly someone in the house.
Where are they?
How'd they get in?
"I'm watching you."
Whispered terror slithers down
with beads of fear soaked sweat.
Faceless voice uses the monitor
to show her how deep terror goes.
"I'm watching you."
The lights remain burning,
a beacon to the dawn.
A heart finally stopped racing,
slitted throat brings fatal calm.
"I'm watching you."
Tear stained face in macabre mask
greets the rising sun.
Sightless eyes stare down fate
as Death brings another home.
"I'm watching you."
Whispered words on the telephone
struck a chord of fear,
whispered maliciously
in a single mother's ear.
Author notes
You asked for darkness... i give to you anticipatory terror....
A single mother on a darkened night gets the call of terror.
Someone could be watching you.
In a list
A contest entry
- 75 words by Leslie.
300 points, ended April 2, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the DARKWRITE challenge rides again by Ktulu Blackwolfe.
600 points, ended December 20, 2008, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Oh My Word~
Just my kind of Dark write
I thought I had commented earlier and scrolled down to see I had missed this one
sowwy Beautiful~
Love how You presented this one~
keep the reader on his or her toes-
I'm a single mother so this opened the eyes
Woot
Thank You for sharing Your Talent and Spirit~
Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet Soul
Best wishes too
with much love & light~ Desire~*~
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Very nice! Being a single mother it sent a shiver down for sure, not something that happens often. Thanks for entering and good luck
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thanks for the compliment and I know that I will have to be on my toes with you and brother K judging me... lolol..... mmmmmuuuuuuuhahahahahahahahaha!
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Now this is my kind of write..I absolutely loved this
Thanks for the entry and good luck.
**Ktulu Blackwolfe** -
This could be the WORST thing to happen to any mother - surely!!!!
You have managed to mix everything in here, but above all the terror that comes from something that COULD actually happen ... this has really impressed me and I'm rather surprised that there was no trophy added on it
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lol... i had to cut it down immensely for the contest entry and even the hostess was upset due to it losing alot of the darkness in it.
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Pretty good.
I think this works pretty well. It seemed at first that you were trying to rhyme. The story here is terrifying enough. The idea that the single mother would find her children dead before she herself was killed was a morbid touch.
Andy
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I'm sorry I made you cut this piece you shouldn't have boundaries when it comes to your creativity...
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i must admit that it was a vary interesting pome i liked the way ti flowed and did have a bit of the macob to it i just think that i have seen like three movies where this was the focus all in all it was a good poem keep writing and maby one day can change the world (im starting to add that to my comments as a way of bosting peopls desire to write)
timmy the tooth
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Ooooh, I personally love the terror you invoke within your writes. If only I had a teensy-bit of the power you had within your pen I could let my muse out to play.
You wrote this very well and I am sure every single mother who has read this poem will be going into the babies rooms to check on them.
Wonderfully written Mommy.
Always your,
Summer Angel -
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I did tell you that Maggie came out to play... lmao
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Well I had no idea what I was getting into when I clicked on this in the features board. I was expecting something Woody Allen but got Freddy Kruger instead! As a poem it didn't work for me - it needs some cutting and carving in a few places - but as an experience it ripped my lungs out! Who's not going to let you win the contest?
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THAT was the effect I was looking for...lmao...
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Shivers up my spine, down deep within my soul,
death at the door, knocking let me in..
Wow, Hon, great job here..scared even me!!
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Stop That! You're quite scary
Your poem is just a bit off in meter in a couple of stanzas. It is so good in the "scare the crap out of you" genre.
Last line in second to last stanza-As Death brings home another-
You get the idea
Great write.
Tecohe -
creepynessss! shivers down my spine. very dark indeed, like the black pit of a soul. if they wanted darkness you provided!
pen on poet.
Creatress
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check the children quickly
to make sure they're safe
bending down to check their breath
finding corpses upon the beds
wow this is so good and so scary it creeped me out to read it great job you should win the contest its so good i like the repeating of the "im watching you"
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I ask darkness indeed, and I also asked 75 words or less.
Leslie
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Sorry hon, this is what came out. not sure I can cut it down and have the same effect. if that DQ's me, then so be it
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the anonymous phonecall, the words, the terror - well done.
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i am sorry i am late getting to this but i have to say as i read it i can feel the fear, and it didn't help that my phone rang right as i got to the end of this poem, but i did enjoy that scary and am still laughing about it, keep it flowing
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