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Maybe I should just eat marshmellows

my son has spelled out in
colored magnets
a "threatening message"
to a nice girl in his class

I'll answer when the
therapist calls
as soon as I am able
to walk again
after stumbling with the
cramps of unbelievability

A contest entry

: , Your review:

Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • luckynsincere gold member
    March 25
    Edit | Reply
    very unique take on this. Very very creative you are with your pen. the title... totally had me expecting something else. GReat use of metaphor, and a touch of the undesired truth of life.

    At the close of this contest, there will be a link to a group. It is required to join to continue. I really look forward to reading more of you.

    Sincerely,
    Mel


  • Decent Green
    March 19
    Edit | Reply
    What? Its Marshmallows. But honestly what was the message

  • Ryno
    March 15

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, you created such a strong message in such few words. This seems to be a big issue today in society for overcoming...the violence, the way we don't know how to handle it. I think you did a great job with letting us feel the emotion in the write through penning a scenerio. You "Showed" and didn't "Tell". Witch is something judges will appreciate. Good luck in this contest.


  • Arkbear gold member
    March 14

    Edit | Reply

    Cool entry ~

    Welcome to the Poetic Challenge contest ~

     

    :)

     

    A lot was said in so few words....and I do enjoy getting right to the point ~

     

    ..however, in some *quick writes, I tend to lose myself to your first thoughts, as I am already partaking of your last thoughts...but maybe that has something to do with how quickly my brain is getting your fast message ~

     

    I always enjoy a Poet who can write in this quick format....it shows me there are other Poets like myself who do not have time for *filler words*, which ultimately have in Impact in a write at all.....and Power is lacking in long writes, because the Poet wants to throw a bunch of metaphores in there.....but you on the other hand, got to it, stayed focused, and let the power wrap around us before we knew what to do :) ...nice job ~

     

    Title is great....Tone is realistic.....message and theme are strong, as well as this write for a Trophy....but we'll see!

     

    For me...one of the top 4 reads for sure :)

     

    Good luck to you and your talent,

     

    Bear ~

1 - 5 of 5