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providence

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

he never regretted the divorce
as much as the marriage

the lingering scar
as much as the blade

now, with time enough
he gathers remorse


in long thin rows,
tall and neatly stacked

walks carefully
the narrow paths

between cold mornings
of a still young march

and the warmth
of winter's end

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • truembrace
    July 14

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    there are some poems that say to me "there is some dose of reality of this - there just has to be". and that reality, whether it be yours or someone you know of, is crystal clear and put into words that could not have been better chosen.


  • toomysterious
    June 22

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    These words so capture those feelings of regret and acceptance, such excellent metaphors. Well deserving of the Gold.


  • Saffron gold member
    June 11

    Edit | Reply
    I like this poem, because it is one of those that makes me stop and think for a minute--just a little reflection--on how I think many of us, over time and with hindsight, look through our junk drawers of regret, clean out, toss or save those pieces we think will serve us later (and regret does have a purpose...)--all that to say that I really like the image here. I know this is really nitpicky, but there's something about using "regretted" in L1 and using "regret" again in L6--is there another word for regret to avoid repetition of the word?

    I really like this.


  • RedAquarius
    June 1

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    Congrats on gold, I liked the gathering of regret in lines he walks between - made me think of a cornfield, vast and golden for some reason. Good job!


  • Luna Tique Fringe gold member
    June 1

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    Elegant, tailored with good lines (pun intended) would be the way to describe this.

    I like the gathering of regret in rows,and the walking
    carefully between...it speaks to me of vulnerability
    and the depth of the scar. Glad to see this entered.

  • zochit2me gold member
    May 30

    Edit | Reply
    Regret sometimes clouds vision of future happenings. At times making it hard to even breath.
    The flow of this is so exceptional as usual. You always manage to say so much with so little.
    Beautiful
    Simply beautiful

    Becky


  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    March 30

    Edit | Reply

    I love how this transcends the limitations of that first pronoun. The he becomes ethereal through the lack of specific 'place' in the slightly abstract long thin rows. That image works so very well as so many different things. From city streets crowded with high rises to rows of corn or forests, or just about anything one can place there.

    Wonderful.


  • Cat gold member
    March 30
    Edit | Reply
    this is one of the finest poems i've read on this site


    M


  • jantastic
    March 29
    Edit | Reply
    .


  • Grunts Girl
    March 15

    Edit | Reply
    so its st. patties night and i am home trying to ward off the spins and type with no errors... and just edited the prior 5 times...

    i have always felt sorry for folks who have regrets...

    i thin that is the biggest sting in life ever

  • Arzab
    March 14

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write, Al. Powerful description of the scar and the blade. Seemed metaphorical, like how sometimes people may feel sad or depressed while being in marriage. My mother seemed to go through a time like that before my parents got divorced. Also liked the last four lines. The march me think of spring and of how spring can be like a season of love, like the way bambi got twitterpated. I don't know why. That line just reminded me of that. And, the part of the winter seemed metaphorical, like love ending. Anyway, wonderful write. Keep that pen flowing.


  • Suzanne Dia gold member
    March 14

    Edit | Reply
    I wrote something similar this morning (in the process of tweaking it,) I wasn't stacking regret though, but blame instead, or at least a former me was.

    It's always interesting when you find another poet organizing in a similar way to you, though your arrangement is much prettier than mine is

    Loving this.

  • K-Dense
    March 14

    Edit | Reply
    Gorgeous. I have a friend who says she doesn't regret anything she's done, only the things she hasn't. I say anyone who says they have no regrets is either a liar or busy becoming someone else's.

    Great stuff as always Al.

    -C

  • ariosto gold member
    March 14

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    Human relationships, so fluid, so hard to define.
    This one speaks to me of that

    nice one Al


  • Rowan gold member
    March 14

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    I don't know what to say. Can I steal Yvette's comment?
    lol.
    I regret many things, I just haven't got them organized into rows yet. Mine seem to resemble piles of compostable refuse. And yes, the ending suits the rest of the write perfectly.


  • Namita silver member
    March 14

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    Wow- this is beautiful. If we both are in the same group, I'm going to suicide.

    This is so beautiful!! I lovelove the title... this is very very amazing, Al. Fantastic.

    - namita


  • NurseChilly gold member
    March 14

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    I'm so glad you're in the wronmg bloody contest mate... I may to cry about it if you were in the other one.... lololol ?? if this is making any sense, then i'm a monkey's uncle, it is 6.30am and work is looming

    but i'm so glad i read this before going into work, to remind me, that not all winters are cold and heart/heatless... the young at heart

    G.x


  • Nicolette gold member
    March 14

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    Excellent poetry, Al...and yes, the closure was superbly done....as was the rest.

    ~ Nicolette

  • Yvette Champ
    March 14

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    Excellent! The poet elects with precision what to reap from what was sown. The tight presentation in couplet form works well. Indeed if there had been no beginning then there would be no ending needed, the journey continues then to find a more temperate place to shelf that which was unseasonal. Bravo!


  • Faithbound gold member
    March 14

    Edit | Reply
    I like the thought about the regret being stacked. We tend to take all of our 'baggage' if you will, including regret, and want to orginize it. You penned of this very well.

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