On playgrounds in the backyards
of depressed apartments,
he sits on the last swing
that shrieks “lonely”
in the chains, greased
with a budget bought by lies.
{ Up }
Thinks the sunset
has finally seen his face
and attempts to “pinch” it
between his finger
and his thumb.
It says
“hey boy, you’re the
light of my eye,
the candle never melting
on open windows where breezes
blow love.”
{ Down }
At least it’s a bit farther away
from the window he looks out
every night, the moon
illuminating, but evaporating
his tears into mist.
This is the closest he can get
to escape never found
in comics.
The only superhero
he could read of
was in the obituaries
reading ‘Dad’.
{ Stopped }
His bruised feet
spell dreams in the gravel
that catches him
when he falls.
Until it becomes night
and somewhere behind it
a drunk woman’s voice
screams for him.
Holding his breath
one more time
he hopes that love
could be his last name.
Can never remember
exactly what it is,
but tonight, its broken
into meaningless letters
that the walls chant
to innocence.
And the empty swings
only memories
are frowning footprints.
Author notes
):
A contest entry
- Poetic challenge: A New Beginning!!! by luckynsincere.
525 points, ended March 25, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Ultimate Goal by N e a r.
20000 points, ended June 2, 2008, 946 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Looking for Crickets 4 by Celticmoon.
1750 points, ended January 23, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Shoot.
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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*cricket*
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Wonderfully penned. I love the title. It really pulled me in for the read.... I have missed reading you a great deal!!!
At the close of this contest there will be a link posted to a group... you know the drill... must apply to the group in order to continue.
GREAT WORK!!
Mel
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Something that I notice with a lot of poets is that they try to hard to be deep.
They dive into stanzas upon stanzas of nonsense words and talk about things that they don’t even understand…things that they’ve never even been through or experienced.
You my dear are not one of those poets. It is extremely refreshing to see a good, abstract poet who doesn’t go on and on about cocaine, prostitutes, and rape like it’s there life story.
I like this piece because it’s real. It tugs at your heart strings and makes you feel uneasy because it’s full of real, genuine, tangible emotions that your reader can relate to because you yourself can relate to your work.
Your poems are quite lovely to read. They’re all very down to earth and I just want to read them again and again.
Keep up the excellent work.
~Phoenix
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Wow, somehow my notes decided not to show me this comment, but I'm glad I got it
Thank you for the motivation to continue writing pieces like this. Some of my pieces can be quite abstract at times, but I liked writing pieces like this more Glad you could relate and feel this piece. Thank-you for the comment !!
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wow... at first with the blank space, i thought those dimples deteriorated FAST
the title caught my attention because i have dimples... well... actually, i have one in my right cheek
now to the poem... this was written with your wonderful use of words and imagination in how to tell your story... i am beginning to think you are a genius, well, actually, i've decided that awhile ago.
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Hi there ~
Well, not sure as to why your lines begin so far below the Title.....but other than that.....this is one of the best reads I have read in a very Long time....Oh....welcome to the Poetic Challange contest :)
I'm one of your Judges, Bear.....as I was saying....one of the best reads in a while ~
The format is inventive, your focus in spot-on*....your Flow was what I made of it.....it had the opportunity to be a personal read for me, so I really got in to it and was not all that concerned with punctuation, grammar, etc ~
I loved this Theme.....you penned something really lasting in impression for me....and that is how to win a Challenge :)
I can't pick a favorite stanza, as each one holds its' own in power and impact.....nicely done ~
I wish you the best in Round 1....you will make a fine contender,
....good luck!
Bear ~
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Whoa ! Glad you enjoyed
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Very well Done Dear love the imagery in this and how you did the up down and stopped Good luck with this
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Thanks
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the first thing I look for is the message, you know I think that ornaments such as verbiage, metaphor, form, and voice will only get one into a style club... and leave me starving!
I like your backdrop, if the swing scene is cookie-cutter I don't really care, I just like what you did with it, how you used it as a canvas for the real meat of this piece- youth, love, hope, life, and a nearly-broken life, at that... the reader will want to hear more on this, of the drunken mother, what the father was like; they'll be fascinated with the story; if they see that you're slipping into becoming more concerned with style aspects than subject matter they'll conclude that you're shallow and really can't finish the story...
there are some good horses in this race, and you're one of them... it's all a matter of luck and jostling down the backstretch...
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Aye. I understand that, and that we must be trying different things constantly ... I think forms next {ouch}.
Thank-you for the comment, you've been the push I need to work toward poetry like this.
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Excellent
Such powerful images you have created with your usual flare for vivid descriptions. A truly amazing poem. Many blessings in the contest.
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Well I was half inspired by your onomatopoiea poem to write a sad story
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