to suffer that bud to open its eyes,
and stare bleary eyed into the mist of its new world
there must be a passing,
whispers on a dying wind
every new thing dies first
to be born with new radiance
bright and gloriously begotten
from ashes too hard to see
let us open our eyes and lift up our heads
maybe then we shall see the sun
whispers on a dying wind
to tell us that death is only a beginning
A contest entry
- The World. by Eyes Wide Shut.
1250 points, ended March 21, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Trying out a new style. Tell me if it suits me, please?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Brilliant!!!
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this is beautiful. i like it very much.
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I think this is beautiful with a wonderful message .
death is only a beginning.
to be born with new radiance.
so lovely
God bless...
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I'm confused. Sorry.
I really liked the imagery you used here, but the poem left me rather confused. The separate verses were interesting by themselves, but they didn't seem to tie together well. At the end, I wasn't sure what you were trying to say or show with the poem. I did particularly like the first two lines, though. -
Nice message and I like the way you have laid it out
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My what a statement 'there must be a passing'
yes .. 'to be born with new radiance'
'open our eyes'
and realise that 'death is only a beginning' Brilliant !!s s Li b x
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Very good
Written in the true form of poetry. Very good and interesting! LOved it. "BOO" -
I really liked this..
The flow and imagery was really interesting
the style I've never seen before... I like it..
Great write..
Angel
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Oh. This is an interesting poem that you have here. I don't recoginize the style or anything so I can't tell you how good you did but it looks find to me. And I agree with you about death being only a beginning. Though it can be a hard thing to trust in. I thought you did a good job of expressing yourself.
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I enjoyed the optimistic tone to this. "dying wind" is a good image. I think you've repeated "death" and "dies" and "dying" a little too much, but this poem shows potential. Keep writing
~Diana
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A good write. Nice metaphor. Good flow and tone. Lovely depth of feeling. Good word choice, alliteration and nice assonance. In reading this poem, it reminds me of the phoenix, rising out of the fire into new life. Well penned and a most enjoyable read.
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The transition from the first stanza to the next line is definitely obscure... I am not sure if it will sound good to me no matter how many times I read it.
It seems out of place until you read the entire poem, and in my eyes, I would probably add "like" to the beginning of whispers on a dying wind. It just reads better to me as a simile.
"to suffer that bud to open its eyes,
and stare bleary eyed into the mist of its new world
there must be a passing,
like whispers on a dying wind"
Just an opinion, please do not change it unless you feel like it.
this poem is very abstract, which I absolutely LOVE because that is how I write, with a lot of imagery. You are truly a great poet and I am very glad you stumbled across lil ol' me's page. Thanks for sharing this with me.
I totally agree that death is a beginning. As it says on my page I believe death should be celebrated as a life moving onto a new realm, a new life, and a new beginning. another chance to become what you need to be.
Great poem. Good luck in the contest. ~ Kerri
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This has what to do with my prompt?
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