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[Blank Moments.]


This is getting out of hand.
With every step, I feel the crushing
Desire to harm again.

I miss the way the music
Blended in with the cutting.
It only felt natural.
Right now, I'm not myself,
I have a creeping desire to please everyone
But myself.
I am with clean wrists, and a
Smile on my face.
I have no emotion, just a false smile
With a false set of eyes,
A false set of lies to
Tie together the fake
Love spread across my eyes.

The silence in my soul is overwhelming.
I have been clean for only two months,
And I'm already so close to taking a blade
Into the shower and
Cutting away what's left of my sanity,
And replacing the fake with the
True.
If only I hadn't promised.

Because when I promised, I promised three months
Cleanliness,
And so far I have two.
I can't be beautiful for another month,
So save your pity for tomorrow, because
Maybe tomorrow I will actually

Give a damn.

I don't like these goosebumps tonight.
They're another reminder or how cold
I'm becoming.
With my soul this(____________) close
To slipping out of my hands,
And my [impulses] turning from and can't-do
To a must-do.

Its kind of funny how I wish I could
Do terrible things to myself,
But how crazy I am is starting to
Really scare me.

In simpler words,
I miss the blank moments where I didn't know
What I was doing, besides that it felt so good.
I miss the blank moments when I didn't care what happened
As long as I was happier in the end.

For a while that worked. And I swear it did.

But now I just feel more broken.

I need to cut.