If anyone knew my true feelings
I'd be hated in every way
This echos in my actions daily
If it's so impossible to feel love
Without other's pain,
Is it really worth what the authors say?
No matter how much I complain
My feelings lay unhidden
Just lies scratching the surface
Of a love always forbidden
Authors made mistakes
Love isn't spectacular or great
It's poetic license over-used
A happy ending one too many
Leaves me feeling abused
How can I know who to trust
With my common lust?
Is it fair to see so much pain
Even when there's no suffering?
I think not, it'll never be
Love can be big and grand
All I know is
It's never planned!
Author notes
Username:Bullet-to-my-brain-x
Real Name/Nickname (what you would like to be known as): Sammi
Age: 14 (but my age on here is 15 so I can read some of my friend's work)
How long have you been on AP: Less than a month
Any published work (poetry): Unfortunately no
Favourite Genres/Categories (ie. Dark, Spiritual): Dark, Life and Spiritual
Favourite Forms (Senryu, Haiku, Etheree): I like them all!
Freeverse or Rhyme: Rhyme
Personality: Hyper, Strange,Random, Loud and annoying
Acceptance to others opinions (do you respect others opinions on how you could improve your poetry): I accept constructive criticism.
Inspiration to write (why do you write poetry): To keep me sane.
Any other information you would like us to know: hmm not that I can think of...
A contest entry
- Options by Passionate Phoenix.
300 points, ended March 24, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ultimate Poet - Auditions by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended March 24, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - just about anything :) by nobodys-girl.
300 points, ended April 10, 2008, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Beautiful! Those darn authors!
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Commas!
I understand your sentiment. I'd like to suggest an edit:
If anyone knew my true feelings
I'd be hated in every way
This echos in my actions daily
If it's so impossible to feel love
Without other's pain,
Is it really worth what the authors say?
No matter how much I complain
My feelings lay unhidden
Just lies scratching the surface
Of a love always forbidden
Authors made mistakes
Love isn't spectacular or great
It's poetic license over-used
A happy ending one too many
Leaves me feeling abused
How can I know who to trust
With my common lust?
Is it fair to see so much pain
Even when there's no suffering?
I think not, it'll never be
Love can be big and grand
All I know is
It's never planned!
You've got some real intense passion here girl! You might want to use a spell checker or Word! Honey...what was with all the commas? That's what first drew my attention. Never came across that before! I loved the way you ended the poem. That's a very mature understanding for someone your age. Love is never, not could it ever be planned. Good work, just pay attention to your grammar & spelling. :-) Hope you like your edit!
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I do like your edit
I use my commas to break up each line...I've realised it's rare on here for people to do that, I know i need to pay more attention to my spelling though
thanks for the constructive critism (i've noticed some people on here just bash...not good)
I'll take it in
x
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this is great! your are extremely right by saying love is unplanned. i have learned that if you look for love, you will not find it. you have to let it find you. this is an awesome poem. thankyou so much for entering my contest!
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If you wish to be considered as a preliminary finalist you must fill out the contest profile and add it to your author's notes.
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ooooh i like this!!!! the bitterness is there and it prolly will be for awhile but look at the bright side-you make GREAT poetry out of it!!!!! nice write!!
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well...this may be a sad piece, but its written very well...
There is a lot of emotion in this write which I liked, it made me think, and infact it reminded me how I once felt about it. The wording and metaphors are well used and the piece works well together.
Thanks for entering and good luck xxx -
I could never hate you this is such a sad piece sweety good luck to you in the contest best wishes and much love always
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oh the sadness darkness and pain placed in this piece. i really hope that everything is ok sweetie. it had me worried
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