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Rebelious love

Always safe and outta harm
she had way too much charm
though they were weary
they loved her dearly
it made them glad
for her to hide all the bad
but in her mind
blocks and walls were to climb
soon no more a child
for she grew up wild
What the they did not know
was all the love they tried to show
in the end did no good
All the bad came in with one big smack
and all the morals taught were gone
she found the world from her kind
and it just blew her mind
she loved her life anew
but also loved them too

A contest entry

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Comments


  • PonyPride
    April 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    interesting and decent writing but could use work on grammer and such.. good start tho


  • nobodys-girl
    April 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is a great poem though i would suggest changing some of the grammer. not the actual poem but things like this "What the they did not know". it just makes the poem hard to read. thankyou so much for entering my contest and good luck!


  • Rebekah-Ann silver member
    April 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I wouldn't change anything about your poem! The fact that you pictured the girl's adolocense as a wall which she has to climb shows me that you are quite mature for 15 and that you know how hard it is to overcome many of these obsticles.

    All the best in the contest!

    Lovies
    Becks

  • Renee970
    March 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you should fix A couple of things it would make a little more sense if it was like this

    Always safe and outta harm
    she had way too much charm
    though they were weary
    they loved her dearly
    it made them glad
    for her to hide all the bad
    but in her mind
    blocks and walls were to climb
    soon no more a child
    for she grew up wild
    What the they did not know
    was all the love they tried to show
    in the end did no good
    All the bad came in with one big smack
    and all the morals taught were gone
    she found the world from her kind
    and it just blew her mind
    she loved her life anew
    but also loved them too

    But its ur poem so it dont really have to be like this..lol ok (line six is changed)