I feel a tear roll down my face
As I lay thinking of what I have done to you
I say I'm sorry
I say I'm trying
You say you've heard it all before
You don't want it anymore
I look at it
Then at you
And my pick is obvious
But how do I go straight to you
When I've never had to choose between the two
I love you and need to give my addiction for you, but how?
Please just tell me how
I feel even more tears roll down my face
As I realise that the best person in my life is slowly disapearing
Because of the worst thing in my life...
Author notes
I wrote this after I had a fight with the girl I love. I have struggled with an addiction to alcohol, and it eventually started to come between us, and I wrote this at one of our worst points. Please let me know what you think, and any ocnstructive critisism is welcome, but please go easy on me because I'm a first time writer!
thanks a lot
A contest entry
- PLEASE! Help me get rid of my points! by Shenanigans.
1000 points, ended May 19, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever..just make it good. [astonish me] by borrowing.moonlight.
1000 points, ended June 30, 2008, 160 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I love this poem. It is honest, true, and (as most good poetry can be) heartbreaking. I hope everything worked out ok, addiction is a really hard thing to struggle with, and it never really goes away completely. As far as a critique, the only thing I noticed was that maybe some of the lines are too long. Maybe breaking them up where you would take a breath, if you were reading it aloud might work. If not, *shrugs* it's great anyway.
An awesome first piece for a budding, and talented poet. Keep up the great work!
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i, too, like the last two lines the most
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awwwwwwww that is beautiful.. i understand your pain. i feel for you so much [even though i know this was a while ago] i really feel everything through this piece and i think you have so much talent.. ;~; beautiful piece ;~;
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Oh my, what a sad situation. That is truly one of the hardest things--overcoming addiction. I love the honesty with which you treat it, especially the last 2 lines. "As I realize that the best person in my life is slowly disappearing because of the worst thing in my life." Very powerful. I hope everything will work out.
--Shannon -
This was very good. I also have my issues with addiction. So I can understand, and relate. My addictions are different substances, but this piece shows that pretty much all addicts have to make choices in their lives, the addiction or something they love. Have been there and done that before. It is a good strong write, very emotional and powerful. Good job. As far as criticisms go, I think other people beat me to it, the spelling of some of the words is all I really see that needs to be fixed.
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I really like this! I especially like the second stanza. I think realize is spelled wrong in the second to last line (I suck at spelling though...so use spell check to make sure) The line "I feel even more tears roll down my face" seems a bit akward somehow...it seems to have distrupted the wonderful flow of this poem. My favorite line is "As I realize that the best person in my life is slowly disapearing" I think disapearing might be spelled wrong too. Use spell check on the whole thing. Awesome write!
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amazing
considering i know what this is about, i know just how deep it really is, and how much feeling and emotion are held within your words. its a beautiful piece of writing that not only shows your regret on your addiction and the fact you hurt someone you care about, but it also shows just how much of a struggle it really is to deal with an alcohol addiction. i think it would make the person yu wrote it about reallly understand just how hard it was for you.
i think this is awesome and im so proud of you for putting your stuff out there for others to see
xoxo
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my only critism would be that everyone says sorry in these kinds of poems. what if you did it in a deeper way. sorry is such an empty word to me.
i really like the part where you ask how to give your addiction.
it's an emotional subject, but it could be soooo much deeper to me. -
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hey!! thanks for the comment i get where you are coming from with making it deeper i will certainly try and make future writings more deeper, it was one of those pieces that i wrote straight after it. and yeah with the sorry i dont always use it because i agree with you but at the time thats exacly what i said but yeah i think i need to try harder to make deeper... thanks heeps for the suggestions hopefuly i will have more up soon. thanks!!
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this is beautiful...i have a poem on my page that is about the struggle with being the loved one of an addict...this is really very brave of you...it is so easy to judge a person with an addiction yet how can we ever really know what that walk is like???major kudos!
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hey!! thanks heeps i never have really shown anyone except the one special person in my life my writings so thanks heeps ill definatly have to look at the one you wrote that shows the opposite side.
thanks heeps!!
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nice write
This is so from the heart! I have struggled with addictions that have caused rifts in relationships, and it is truly so hard to break free. welcome to all poetry. -
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hey yeah it is one of a lower point in my life poem, i wrote it straight after a fight so it wasn't great. thanks im glad it shows that its from the heart because it truly is!!
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