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Wieners and Losers

Wiener's Speech
http://media.putfile.com/Winners-Speech

We observe today not mere recognition of my masterful example of the written word, but a celebration of excellence over the mundane. Once again, the worthy stand in triumphant contrast to the lowly and disgusting. Here, now and forever, mighty Galfalfa has decreed the final verdict: Only my words and my words alone are worthy of this gold... uh... thingy .. (what is that anyway??? A coffee pot maybe??? And why don't we get any real gold? I mean it takes a long time to make up this shit and all I get are some virtual points and some sort of gif of a coffeepot?)

But I digress...

Let every loser know, whether they wish me well or ill, that I shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe in pursuit of this golden thingy. Never, shall I settle for silver (unless, I happen to come in second), nor will bronze tarnish my screen (unless I come in third), for I strive only for the peak of perfection. I shall not even speak of honorable mention (of course, honorable mention IS honorable after all and you DO get mentioned, so I would take that, too, if I couldn't get the damn gold, silver or bronze.)

Finally, in closing, I give tribute to all the pitiful failures for their valiant try. In every contest, there are winners (ME) and losers (all of you). For without losers, who in the hell would notice me? It is said, we learn more from our defeats than from our victories, so I guess you losers must be REAL smart... huh, yeah... Little losers got brains, but me got gold. Oook Oook Oook!

Loser's Speech
http://media.putfile.com/Losers-Speech

Thanks for a whole lot of nothing.
I don't want to sound bitter
But had you had done this fairly
You'd see my entry was fitter.

It wasn't my best, but better than crud,
When you consider that I'm farting blood.
You'd have given me gold, if you'd only realize
Your contest was unfair, I had sun in my eyes.

You shouldn't count grammar and spelling you see,
'Cause my mother took drugs while pregnant with me.
You should have been nicer in that nasty critique,
'Cause I got diarrhea and my boots had a leak.

I will never, ever, enter your contests again.
It won't just be me, I'll tell all of my friends.
And if all of this leads to your unhappy chagrin...
Next time, guarantee me, that I'm going to win.

Author notes

http://media.putfile.com/Winners-Speech
http://media.putfile.com/Losers-Speech

A contest entry

A Winner is just a Loser with Gold

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Sarah957
    March 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the top part best, when you write in freestyle.
    My favorite part was:

    I give tribute to all the pitiful failures for their valiant try. In every contest, there are winners (ME) and losers (all of you). For without losers, who in the hell would notice me?

    It was a pleasure reading this peice, I wish you luck in the contest.


    • majix
      March 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Hey, thanks, it was fun to get a chance to drop the tawdry veil of PC and reveal the true inner me Thanks for commenting.


  • Bionic Poet
    March 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    HAHA! Man, I love when you do the audio stuff, these were great... I really need to try an audio sometime.


    • majix
      March 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you. You really should do an audio. It is a lot of fun. There are a couple of free editor mixers on the net that are good, Cool Edit, I think, is one.

      I use Sony Vegas. Its a fabulous video editor, but a very very good audio editor too. They have a home version of it, that has most of the same functions, called movie studio. Anyway, its fun and very cheap. I just use a camera to record my sound (yeah, I know... over kill, but its what I have) and mix with music from the internet archive (pub domain stuff).

      Thanks for listening


  • LadyDementia gold member
    March 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    These were awesome...so glad I got my speakers fixed You had me almost crying with the second audio, the music is most fitting. A wonderful entry...I agree with below, you missed your calling. Very best of luck


    • majix
      March 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I have so much fun playing with Gal's contests... I get a case of giggles just reading the guidelines. Thank you so much for the kind words. It really makes the experience enjoyable.

      Thanks again.


  • galfalfa gold member
    March 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    LOL you do know you are a huge nutcase dont you? The later half of your winner audio really cracked me up - i think you must be Mel Blanc in disguise. Love the echo stadium effect
    You've missed your calling and should have been on stage.
    Thank you so much for the early morning laughs,

    galfalfa



    • majix
      March 14, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Me the nutcase? You think up these crazy ideas This was serious fun. Thank you for giving great contest. Loved it.

1 - 8 of 8