If I have to answer
to your vibrations
It will be with outward surrendering palms
Sick of sanded tracheae
And corded neckbands
Open mouths flashing sharpest wet teeth
More beneficial to shove
My flesh in Friday traffic
Than to strain the sensitive eye corners
Swallow your thick words
Wash them back with Vermouth
The real reason why you flex ten knuckles
And intentionally broke
seven strings on Washburn
Forgetting that I composed your midnights
Think about it, really
Pulled the small rocks
out of your flowing elbows from kickflips
Took you never for granted
Crushing Newports in worries
until diagnosis proved our first-born alive
Every waking Saturday
Unfolding clothes to wear
Lacing steel-toe to work my sixth day hours
And then wasting Sunday
thinking if only I could work
then your picket-fence dream might survive
But spending no minutes
Or exceeding compliment levels
Were what you mixed in your soupy complaints
So naturally defending
I respond with indignant
But you love to be on top, even now it shows
For the sake of sound laws
Wire shut your glossed mouth
Give me a reason for your chalkboard scratchings
I will admit defeat
You have my pure attention
I can still beat you in a foot-race to safety
Author notes
Arguements
A contest entry
- Celabration! Who wants to win 3000 points? by Mori-lux.
3060 points, ended March 29, 2008, 46 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Say What You Need To Say by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended April 14, 2008, 46 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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average score= 90.5 you are a finalist
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Title: 3/5- A little cliche
Venting: 45/50- Wonderfully descriptive.
My Personal Like/Dislike: 13/15- Enjoyable. Your 9th stanza is a bit awkward, otherwise it has a nice flow.
Followed Rules: 20/20- Perfect
Grammer/Spelling: 10/10- perfect
Total: 91/100
*edited because I suck at math. This is what three years of university in an English programme does to you, lol. -
Title: 5/5- amazing
Venting: 40/50- held back a little
My Personal Like/Dislike: 15/15- I really like
Followed Rules: 20/20- Perfect
Grammer/Spelling: 10/10- Perfect
90/100 -
Liked it, it vents, doesn't rant, it treads, doesn't trample, it offers an opinion but doesn't start a battle and all poetically. Kudos.
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I really love this poem. I can connect to it, definitely. Kudos and good luck. -Judge#2
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this part made me smile: "More beneficial to shove/ My flesh in Friday traffic". i guess it would be easier to run into some traffic than to argue with people who have to be right! i like the way you write. it is tweaked just enough from normalcy to keep your readers on their toes.
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Lovely work
Pure and emotional. I can much connect with the idea in this poem. The arguments and anger and feeling that you have no hope of making this person happy are all something I'm very familuar with. You did a great job. Thanks for entering, and good luck. -
Cool i like the last two lines. Unusual wording. Thats a good thing. well done
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I Like this very much.
It became obvious around the middle of this what you were talking about.
Oh yeah,my names in here!lol
Washburn,I know its a guitar.lol
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pure artistry! harmony between two people even involves how they argue. I like the way this is written, even though it's free verse, it is written with a pleasing arrangement. I like the last lines, even though one may lose an argument there is the satisfaction of knowing when it was time to end it and be the first to take that route.
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