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In It For Pride

Turmoil is the setting for my heart
While chaos is the scene for my mind
Going on this ride with you one more time,
I realize I am in it for the love
While you are in it to find a resolution
If only he could be on the same page as me
If only he were in the same book as I am
Struggling on my own,
While attempting to gain his sight
Is a battle already lost
For he has fought his demons
For far to many years
And has become a monster himself

Misery and depression is the essence of my heart
While chaos and irritation is the game of my mind
Spinning in cirles,
We do this on more time
Staying by his side for a reason unknown,
I must break free to move ahead
Going around and around,
Creating ruts in my heart's defenses
I willingly admit
That I would rather be loyal to the devil
Than walk blind alongside an angel

I would rather let him kill me
Than break free and be alive

The heart breaking truth,
Is that he will never see what I see
He will never gain the insight
For he refuses to accept care and help
I let him run me down,
For a reason unclear to myself
I let him kill me
Because I've grown fond of the love/hate cycle

I may be falling from grace
Every moment I am alive
It seems I am sacrificing my soul
Just for acceptance and consistent care

Turmoil is the setting for my heart
While chaos is the scene for my mind
Going on this ride with you one more time,
I realize I am in it for the pride
While you aren't even in it at all

Author notes

This is of an ex boyfriend...the last three poems that were written were of him as well. Abuse over 2 years can lead to alot of emotional baggage I suppose.

Bleeding Eternal

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Darkest Lover
    May 22, 2008

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    I love this write
    This write shows alot of emotion
    Other then pain and sadness

    It shows how much Sadness you have in yourself

    Thank you for your write
    And good luck


  • Selene Tremere
    March 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i loved this part
    :While attempting to gain his sight
    Is a battle already lost
    For he has fought his demons
    For far to many years
    And has become a monster himself

    great write!


  • c e ll a r . d oo r
    March 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i like the poem and it has some really good lines and emotion -- please add your name in your authornotes.

    thank you for entering :]


  • creationsfromheart
    March 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    As I read this, I realize you are speaking of an old love, and I also understand the angel and devil here, sometimes I think it is easier to accept darkness in our lives to become numb to the pain, Reminds me of what don't kill us makes us stronger, So to speak. The poem it's self the words are wonderful and read easily , however I found myself outof breathe as there are no periods and only to commas to pause, I think this is a good write and would read so much better for the reader if you added some punctuation to make us pause and stop to grasp it all. But honestly I love the words in this write and I am sure many can understand and lots can relate, I can happily say I have never been in an abusive relationship, I suppose my 5ft1 self is dynamite


  • She burns
    March 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Oh so touching and very deep here, your love for him and how it's still there


  • skittles loves you
    March 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wpwowowowowowo long

1 - 10 of 10