she went to see him today
drenched in the lust of red
her soul had long been departed
her body already dead
she dreamed of things much different
a life spent waying the cost
a dream long since abandoned
left in the world to walk
a killer by heart, body and mind
she longed for the stench of death
a final moment of Adrenalin
then she lay her prey to rest
there is nothing like the sensation
holding a lifeless corpse
feeling the timeless revile
and sending the rest to morgue
Her body built to withstand time
yet the hour grows near
That her life is wasted down
to that final sympathy tear
she went to see him today
drenched in the lust of the dead
damned to an eternity of walking
the trail behind her red
he closed his eyes and laughed at her
surrounded by an Ora of light
piercing through those blood shot eyes
doomed to not one bite
a final thought and not one more
his words rang loud and clear
"your are the apitamy of evil,
this is your hell my dear"
Author notes
this poem is meant to go with picture number 2!!!
A contest entry
- Two Options; Dark Picture Prompt by stylization.
450 points, ended March 17, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter All Your Dark Writes Here (Series - II) by xxRainbowDawnxx.
1500 points, ended March 27, 2008, 95 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I love the rhyme scheme to this - it fits so wonderfully. I also like your descriptions and metaphors. Each is unique and powerful in its own way. The story you tell is enchanting, in a dark and mysterious way. Great job. Thanks for entering.
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. . . .
speechless smiles, that is all i can say -
you have an AMAZING talent. absolutely stunning. no more to say.
P.S you have my exact ideas thats so osm =] good work -
Good stuff, Miss!
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This is beautiful.
The words work so well together.
In the fourth stanza, it should be "aura" of light, not "ora"
In the last stanza, it should ve "epitiamy" not "apitamy"
And please put the prompt you used in the Author Notes; otherwise I will DQ you.
Thanks so much for entering and good luck! -
Great imagery and a very powerful poem.
I like the use of two line stanzas, however, longer stanzas do allow for a more coherent development in the poem. I think the two line stanzas created a nice movement and flow to this poem, but structurally I found it harder to analyse the poem's progression.
I also noticed a small spelling mistake in the penultimate line, "epitome", although I noticed the reviewer below picked up on that anyway.
But a very effective poem and I particularly liked the repetition of "she went to see him today", it really conveyed a continuance of this 'lust' and intensified the overall image of the poenm.
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Wow. Great dark imagery in here. Interesting rhyme in areas..I guess it's slant rhyme. I forget what it's called. A few typos: line 6- "weighing", line 26 "aura" and line 31 "epitome". But nice write!
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Awsome!!!!!!!!
A little of the rez for you but it really good baby
Love you
MWAAAAAAHHHHH
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