at dusk in the garden by a stream
roses dance with wild abandon
their faces hidden
in silken folds
of blossoming innocence
while Madonna Lilies pose
in reticent stillness
accompanied only by their air
of delicate nobility
ambitious orange striped bees
alight with a thief’s silence
upon velvet cloaks
endlessly searching
for silken linings
of petals’ soft pockets
and elm trees bend low
leaves sweeping the ground
leaving a carpet of color
to cushion the creeping footprints
of the morning sun
while large grey horses
gather round man’s frail fences
nostrils flaring wide
above whinnying smiles
full of freedom’s scented breath
wind stirs over the stream
strung with banks of humming grass
achingly pressed
like violin strings
bowed with harmony’s perfection
my eyes scan the garden
finding beauty resting
on aging posts and trellises
vines twining their essence
tightly through time
and in the lengthening night
Black Dahlias harbor secrets
with dark mysterious eyes
designed to protect
their tender hearts
as fireflies pull back
the blanket of darkness
sending explosions of light
rising into the heavens
revealing life’s intricate simplicity
Nature abhors
an empty womb
and thus fills me
with the infinite beauty
of its wondrous conception
Author notes
A poem with an 'Eastern' outlook rather than the 'Western' or normal outlook that we have of poetry...I want to see the beauty of nature through imagery and 'observations' rather than poetic devices.Just like an 'Eastern' artist wants the person to look at the landscape and travel through it forming his own opinions.
In short, I want a write written in the style of a haiku/tanka but which is not restricted to the lengths or any forms
A contest entry
- ~~BEST POET ON AP:SEASON 3:ROUND:6~~ by wakingdevil.
1000 points, ended March 18, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I WAS ROBBED!!!!!!!! (Invite Only) by ten thousand cicadas.
1800 points, ended April 10, 2008, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Just thought I 'd stop by again and say what gorgeous description this is! Just love the peacefulness of this beautiful scene.
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Amazingly gorgeous. The scene is so perfectly picturesque and the conclusion bore such depth. Lovely.
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"Nature abhors an empty womb"- while I was reading this I wondered how you would finish the final verse-excellent.
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Beautiful.
And the title is really cool.
"Sojourn" - has a cool sound - i dig it.
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This is exquisite..
Excellent poetry written with beautiful imagery that makes one sigh...
Lovely!
Lynda
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This is beautiful! I found the imagery and movement very striking, especially the elm trees sweeping and and the horses nostrils flaring, and the last stanza was breathtaking. Congratulations on the HM, amazing work!
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This is a magnificent write!The imagery is outstanding and so beautifully expressed, the only flaw was that at places you tended to slip back to descriptions rather than observations lol...but that didn't affect the write much, and it was overall a brilliant write.Thanks for entering and best of luck
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This was beautiful! The image of nature was well streamed within this piece. Each image was well described with the lovely sounds and colors of each word. This is truly a great piece and I wish you luck with it!
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A beautiful set of "observations" and description of nature. This has a definite eastern feel to it. I love the way you transitioned from the daytime to nighttime images--just what would occur at dusk--allowing your reader to have the full scope of this beautiful scene. Each observation allows the reader to draw lessons for herself for you have captured not only sights and sounds, but attitudes and character traits.
The ending is magnificent-and shows a deeper understanding of the revelation to be found in nature.
I love it!
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spring board prompt
I read this a few times, I read the notes/comments, reread it all again, looked at picture, I don't understand the eastern western thing. I searched the picture for more clues and found quite a few, but I'm not sure bees and fire flies would work the same shift.The horses and fences left my baffled along with the trellises. I'll have to find out what tanka is.I suppose I'm a little to western to see the elms in the east, anyhow it's a lovely write and I enjoyed reading and commenting on it. Good luck in the contest. rudolf
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I really like this! Excellent imagery brings the picture to life. I felt so peaceful reading this. it was like i was one with nature. Excellent write! Best of luck in the contest.
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Great visuals.
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Nature abhors a vacuum,[Edmund Burke?] classic expression here and so well adapted, to the role and beauty of natural processes and wonderful use of imagery and description...nature well done...PK
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Wow
I don't often read a poem a second time, especially one this lenghty but I love every word... even sober. -
This is truly beautiful! The wording is gorgeous, goes well with the picture, reads so smoothly and leaves such a peaceful calm feeling.
This is beautiful!
good luck in your contest.
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OMFG!!!...
Am I just stoned or is this the coolest poem i've ever read?
A finely tuned masterpiece m'dear. -
Excellent title... Got my attention.
Damn now i gotta read this huge poem...
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