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Peter's Girl

Peter loved writing poetry,
even when at school.
He wrote about everthing under the sun,
and won first prize as a rule.
And peter despite all his prowess,
had little pride, and  quite low esteem

He was a very quiet modest boy,
and sometimes quite shy it would seem.
All the children made fun of him,
he was always an object of mirth.
Then one side of his face was vivid red,
and had been from the day of his birth.

The girls used to shun him, turned him down,
when he asked them to dance.
Then as far as a teenage  peter was concerned,
there wasn’t much  hope of romance,
Then as Peter got into the lift.
where he lived one day,

When fate took a hand in his life,
in its usual way.
There in the lift stood a beautiful girl,
with blue eyes and shoulder length hair.
Peter stammered his way though “hello nice day,
and”have you been to the fair.”

When suddenly the lift decided to stop,
with a jolt that flung them together.
He helped her to her feet,
and said "by the way my name’s Pete.”
she smiled and said”  call me Heather,”
he awaited the look of distaste to appear.

As they suddenly came face to face,
but Heather just smiled that beautiful smile.
Whilst Peter tied her shoelace,
then Peter noticed her hesitant walk.
as they left the lift behind,
but decided that to mention the fact.

Would only be too unkind,
then suddenly like a bolt from the blue.
The thought flashed through his mind,
he looked into Heather’s blue eyes.
“His” beautiful girl was blind,
they arranged to meet the following day.

He found to his delight,
she shared his love of poetry.
Despite her unfortunate plight.
from then on in they’d go out each day,
Walking hand in hand.
and oft’ stayed much longer than,
originaly planned.

She fell in love with his kindly voice,
he banished all her fears.
By whispering his poems of love,
into her spellbound ears.
Weeks went by then one day,
Heather broke the news.

With a letter from the hospital,
with an offer she couldn’t refuse.
That filled her with delight,
the surgeon thought with a new technique,
They might restore her sight.
operation day came round quite soon.

And Peter went along,
happy for heather’s sake.
But apprehensive all along,
at the sight of his scarlet face.
Would her love be quite as strong,
or would her love evaporate.

And would she just move along,
the operation was quite succesful.
And the day came to take the band off,
Peter felt quite dejected,
and gave a nervous cough.
The sister removed all the bandage,

And Heather peered out in the room,
saw Peter in a corner and said.
“Come here Peter my darling,
you look just like I imagined you would.
We can fall in love all over again,
just come here and give me a hug.   







Author notes

JUDMC Option no. 1

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 50 of 50

  • CelticQueen
    January 21

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely story. I have a couple of writing suggestions if you don't mind. A poem becomes list-like when you begin lines with "then". He did this, then he did that, then he did the other thing. Also, you've used the word "quite" often. "Quite" sort of diminishes the impact of whatever word it precedes. It's not quite this and not quite that.

    Just suggestions - feel free do what you wish with them.

    celtic queen


  • writingismycure
    November 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful!

    This is very heart touching and romantic. "“His” beautiful girl was blind" Beautiful words, and a beautiful turn.
    Goodluck in my contest, thanks for the beautiful entry!

    • judmc
      November 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Poet Muse

      Many Thanks for your kind comments on "Little Red Robin"
      glad you liked it Best Wishes George ++++

    • judmc
      November 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      writingismycure

      Many Thanks for your kind comments on "Peter's Girl" so glad you enjoyed reading it Best Wishes George ++++


  • usually-untitled
    September 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i really liked this alot.
    in fact the only flaws i saw were with rhyme- some lines were just a bit forced.
    thanks for entering my humble contest!


  • Ebbing.X.Discreetly
    September 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This poem is very inspirational and has a deep meaning behind it; never judge a book by its cover. What's inside is important!...Well done. A fresh poem and nice flow. Thanks for entering and good luck.

    • judmc
      September 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Vanishing--Soul

      Many Thanks for your kind comments on "Peters Girl" very much appreciated Best Wishes George !!


  • FleetingImage
    September 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    T_T

    Awww this poem was sooo sweet. I loved it and made me feel like i was in her shoes. I feel the was she felt and it was vary loving. Good Luck.

  • limechic
    August 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Awww it's so sweet...it's a little rough in some parts, doesn't flow quite as well as it could...but the story is beautiful. True love, right from the inside.

    *sigh* Try to fix up some of the flow and you've got a real chance

    Great job, good luck in the contest!

    • judmc
      August 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      limechic

      Many thanks for your helpful comments on "Peter's girl
      I've ironed out the wrinkles and it seems to flow much better. Unfortunately at the behest of a previous judge
      I divided it into stanzas which artificialy divided the
      poem giving it a disjointed appearance.Best Wishes and
      Kind Regards George


  • RainbowSky
    August 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    so long. very good, but you know that you've won with it previously. Not quite what I was looking for but it's a great write

  • piccola silver member
    August 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    (wipes tears away) this is a beautiful story. In some places the rhyme is bumpy and the flow kind of slips but I found myself not caring because of the beauty within the tale. thank you for entering


  • crivanea silver member
    August 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    awww....i love the tale..like a story..not really a poem.but yeah..so sweet..a perfect little story..intersting topic to write about..unique as in i haven't read something like this in a while..good job and good luck in the contest


  • aeolia
    July 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    You might want to consider separating this into stanzas; as one large chunk of writing, it's distracting and I found it very hard to plod through.

    Decently sweet tale. It's not my favourite style of poetry, but what you have - in form and lack of poetic devices - works. It's more... popular reading, if that describes it. Ta for the entry.

    -hiraeth


  • my1lovewearsdiapers
    July 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a wonderful poem that decribes in part how most every one feel even if they don't have outward signs showing they are different. 'And Heather peered out in the room
    Saw Peter in a corner and said
    “come here Peter my darling
    you look just like I imagined you would
    we can fall in love all over again
    just come here and give me a hug'
    This part touched my heart deeply and made me realize that no matter what could happen to my fiance he will always be the one I want and love. Very well done and best of luck to you.

  • ichigosama
    July 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    ichigosama

    excellent poem and beautiful story. i know many people get turned down everyday because of how they looked or who they are. great write and thanks for entering!!!!!

  • MorganTea
    July 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing

    Such a touching poem
    Such creativity, the creativity that 'I' lack
    I liked the poem and the idea, but I couldn't quite get used to the rhyming pattern, maybe it was just me.

    Very good!


  • Quill
    May 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent story,told so very well,good luck in all those comps


  • sillsill44
    May 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very good rhyming. i usually dont like rhyme but this time it worked and caught my attention. the only thing is it was a bit long and i kind of like shorter poems. good luck


  • Midgetbridgey
    April 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Congrats! You are in the top 5 finalists!


  • Forgot2Breathe
    April 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    good write, but unfortunatley not something I was looking for. Strictly I was looking for homosexuals writes, about gay people.

    BUT This is quite beautiful and still shows that love is blind and does not see race, gender, religion, disability or age. So this will not be removed, because it still shows that Love Is Love.


    Magniificent write!


  • scream.n2.nite
    April 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    beyond sight

    AAAAGHHHH!! This was such a charmer!!! I loved the entire storyline and the poem flowed well even without mechanics. It may have been a bit easier to read with punctuation, but I still loved the poem!! Thank you for posting this into my Contest, and just in time!!

    - - riah - -


  • Midgetbridgey
    April 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful!!

    Best of luck!

  • amysticwriter silver member
    March 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A beautiful story...I can easily relate...When I was in the fifth grade I walked to school every day with boy named wayne, he had a huge dark red birthmark on the right side of his face...he was a lot of fun and enjoyed life, I know he married but did not follow up about him as we moved...


  • NeonRose
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A really great read, and a great story. When I started to read it, I was a bit overwhelmed by the length, (having a short attention span).. , but it held my interest all the way through, and I am glad I stayed the course. Well done.


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    March 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What a beautiful story this is!! Now this is how true love should be.. it should see beyond the exterior and into the heart... if only everyone could be like that!
    Just lovely


  • LadyLavender gold member
    March 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I loved this! great storytelling and ryhme...awesome. You're quite gifted. I'm so glad I got to read this.


  • Margaret Denham gold member
    March 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your poems tell the most beautiful stories, George. True love really will overcome any hurdle, or that's what I like to believe. With all the sorrow and anger in the world it's nice to find a happy ending. Thank you.

    Margaret


  • Pearl-1
    March 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very romantic..loved it..xxx


  • Emile
    March 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Good

    The story line flows smoothly and sets the pace for this poem. The theme is maintained throughout the poem and the imagery is good. An outpouring of emotions that surges up from the heart and splashes against the page. This flows with rhythm and carries a beautiful message. Thoughts are poured out and tumble freely to the next one with a cascading effect of warm thoughts reassuring your commitment to this task of love.

    • judmc
      March 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Emile

      Thanks for your very kind comments on "Peters Girl"
      They are very much appreciated.BEST WISHES George (JUDMC)


  • Valley Girl silver member
    March 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful! I have tears in my eyes, I love the happy ending, I was unsure where you were going to take this. Great job! Thanks for commenting on my poem as well. ♥


  • vici377
    March 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    so romantic

    wow..great flow and rhyme and such a sweet romance story..wow..gave me goosebumps..thanx so much for sharing..blessings..namaste..
    robin

    • judmc
      March 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      aboomer

      I am so glad you liked my "Blue Eyes" poem many thanks for your kind comments they are very much appreciated.George (JUDMC).

    • judmc
      March 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      vici377

      Many thanks for your kind comments on "Peter's Girl"
      They are very much appreciated I am so glad you liked it
      George


  • Ephiphany
    March 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    This was moving in more ways that I could imagine.

    Deeply motivated me, and I thank you for inviting me to read this lovely creation by you.
    Peter and Heather were two souls who were meant to be from day one.

    Thank You
    Ephiphany

  • dudemc
    March 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hi Dad this is a spooky poem for me because...

    I have a friend called Pete who sounds similar to the character in this poem. He didn't have a facial mark but has emotional scars and is very insecure.


  • jcat gold member
    March 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh this was so wonderful!! What a lovely piece to read first thing in the morning. True love is blind!!! Your words are so poeticly true!! Love it!!!


  • Sandra R Reynolds gold member
    March 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very beautiful write I cried at the end. Keep write I love it.

    • judmc
      March 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Talloaks

      Many thanks for your kind comments on "Peters Girl
      they are very much appreciated George (JUDMC) U.K.

    • judmc
      March 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      jcat

      Many Thanks for your kind comments on "Peter's Girl.
      they are very much appreciated. George(JUDMC) U.K.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    March 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I am so glad you gave this a happy ending, he really deserved one. A beautiful story, very well told. They rhyme and flow were smoothly done. Superbly penned

    • judmc
      March 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Shelley.A

      Many Thanks for your kind comments on"Peter's Girl"
      it was very much appreciated George(JUDMC)

    • judmc
      March 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      WhiteAngel C.ake

      Many thanks for reading "Peter's Girl"
      Give my regaards to your friend One-eyed Pete If he's not too freaked out he might like to read it if I change the names round a bit GOOD LUCK.GEORGE (JUDMC)
      P.S.Do you like my sense of humour?

    • judmc
      March 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Sandip Saha

      Many Thanks for your kind comments on"Peter's Girl"
      very much appreciated George(JUDMC)

    • judmc
      March 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Lady .D.

      many thanks for your kind comments on" Peter's Girl"
      Very much appreciated George(JUDMC)


  • Freelance writer
    March 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The story is nice as can be about human love in this earth. Actual love does not see any defect in the beloved. That is what you have brought out. Well written.


  • WhiteAngelCake
    March 12, 2008

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    This poem kinda freaked me out because my name is Heather. (Sorry, but I am not blind at the momment.) Oh!, and I don't know anybody named Peter, or Pete. Though I have heard of One-Eyed Pete! I am surprised that I actually read this whole thing! I do not mind too much that it is long. I really like it. The longer poems are it seems they sound much better. (As long as they rhyme. Otherwise I don't like many poems that don't rhyme.)


  • ShelleyA gold member
    March 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A lovely story poem. Love is blind when it comes from the heart. Deep expression of emotion. Good imagery, flow, rhyme and tone. Good descriptives, word choice and nice rhythm. Very good closing lines. A most enjoyable read.

1 - 50 of 50