Of all the things I could ever lose
The last on my list was you.
You’re the closest to love I’ve felt yet
But I never listened to you.
I got caught up in everyone else.
I should have stood up for your name
I don’t know why I just sat and cried
The day our love between us died.
Instead of fighting to make things right,
Which was something I should have done,
I built up the lies inside of me
Trust is one thing I have always feared
Since it is so hard to win back.
I don’t know how or what I’ll try,
But I know this: I’ll never lie.
Although I may have lost my way
All paths lead straight to you
Will you walk with, or just let me pass?
Author notes
COMMENT PLEASE! NEED COMMENTS FOR CONTEST!
In a list
A contest entry
- Promote Your Best, And Get comments while you're at it by RyanosaurusWrecks.
7015 points, ended April 23, 2008, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 70 of 70
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this was very well written. i especially like the last part: "Although I may have lost my way
All paths lead straight to you
Will you walk with, or just let me pass?"
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It's nothing that hasn't been said before. Then again if these were your feelings then it's best to get them on paper and let them out. Just remember everyone's feelings are individual and try to let out what you are really feeling. The rhyming sounds a bit forced, which a lot of people struggle with. I actually think that if it didn't rhyme so much it wouldn't sound so "cliché" (above comments).
Good luck in your contest and continue to write and you shall improve with each word.
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Plain
I like this poem, but it seemed plain, well plainer than what I was expecting, I don't know the title just made me expect more, I should not have judged a book by its cover -
I thought this piece was a bit cliched and ordinary.
Nevertheless, best of luck in the contest.
- Jojo x sinnocence -
First Good luck in the contest, an interresting comment the judge came up with and a great way to keep epople reading an commenting, now the write it flows nicely and well written, the stanza is a bit ackward but the words are wonderful.
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When your heart is broken, it's so hard to go back. You have written a very poignant poem. Your last stanza was outstanding. Best wishes in this contest!
Shana -
I liked the first few lines. Such a lovely tale of heartbreak. Awesome write. Good luck. ^.^
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Very nice, I can feel the heartbreak through every fiber of the poem. Very nice! Lovely work, and the flow was great.
Great job, and good luck in the contest. -
hey there thanks for sharing this nice tale of love in a little lost of way
love does not die. it lives on in our lives and who we are.
jezz -
I like this, it has a nice flow, try not to be too cluttered, with your words, other then that it was great, The meaning behind it made it so much better
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Excellent write depicting these feelings I hope you do well in the contest. Good luck getting votes
Cara
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wiw really interesng. all these poems in this contest are so... just.... wow... different. but good different. great job, best of luck!
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Maintaining one's integrity is of the ultimate importance, you did good on this write, good luck in the contest.
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This seems a bit personal, like a letter almost. I feel kind of guilty reading it and a bit awkward commenting. Very honest. Very straightforward. I wish I had the guts to be this vulnerable.
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wow..
this is deep...yea sumtimesz thats how things r people come n go..in any type of relationship it not a gud idea to let others get in the way b/c in life most people only wants 2 tear u down -
Wow! Such an emotional piece. The questions, the doubt, the pain. Flowed well.
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powerful sad write, it flows well enough but theres a sense of something missing in it, i don´t know what, maybe it doesn´t describe your love strongly enough, i dunno, was a good write though
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It's good, just not spectacular. It's an easy read, but all you get out of the wording is just what's written. Were's the feeling? The last part started to get better, but I still couldn't connect with this on more than an intellectual level.
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I liked this well enough, its nice and readable. I'd change the one blatent rhyme because it sticks out so much (cried/died). The end section is pretty profound, I liked that very much. Aside from that, I've got no complaints about the rest. Its not spectacular, I generally prefer poems with more metaphor and imagery, so maybe I could suggest developing a metaphor throughout the piece. Take care x x x
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very expressive and on a sad note. wonderfull.
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i would ask if this is true, but even if it's not, it's a powerful, intense write. like a plea for guidance and forgiveness. bittersweet.
good luck in the contest!
x3
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9pts...
Thank you for this great contribution to The Poetic Bandits reading list
~Lilac
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This is a unique contest indeed. I am enjoying the pieces within and yours is no exception. I wish you the best with the piece my fellow poet.
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this is absolutley wonderful! it flows so well, and i can easily get what you're trying to get across to the reader. goodluck in your contest! and don't worry, i'm sure he'll walk with you
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Awh I think this is lovely.
It flows really well and everything.
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Oh it is a part of a wonderful contest. And a far as the poem is concerned, I felt thoughtful readng it, got recollected in some memories and loved it...
Thanks for sharing.
The Pole Star
s
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Wow what a sad write. So true to ones life journey though. As Shakes-spear said many will come into our lives and many will pass on. But the memories and things they leave behind will never leave us. Amazing write, I hope you find your way too. Good luck in the contest
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Very nice
life doen not always go as we wish. Sometimes people are in our lives for only a moment and we think of them forever and some are there all the time and we don't even notice. We give importance to those things we desire and tend to ignore the rest. I hope you find your way....I'll be the one up ahead with the flashlight! The Shaker
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AKM
If this is autobiographical it would seem that you got what you deserved.
Best wishes for your future endeavours.
Shenton -
I like how you used Evanescence lines at the end. Those are definately two powerful lines and they reall draw the poem together. I'd just acknowledge that they aren't yours, though. But that's just my opinion. -R.T
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By the end of this poem, I really feel that you are talking about God. The answer to your question is that He will always be there for you even if you are on the wrong path. He may not walk with you but He will lead you in the right way!
Nicely done!
- joanne -
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I just relized on commented on this poem before. My feelings about the poem are the still the same
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In return of the gift of truth and trust gained, I would walk with you. It is a strong mind and a couragous heart that opens up to lies past given. The release of the weight carried by such, will be lifted as your steps towards a peaceful soul are taken. When shared with others, any burdens are weakened and each step taken will seem lighter of foot.
A great piece here my friend, well done. Thought provoking to say the least.
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I thought I had already commented on this but evidently I haven't, so apologies extended..
Now, in my opinion, you have written a beautiful piece that touches my heart and yes, may he walk with you and listen. Niaish my friend.
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Are you speaking of a human being? Or God? It seemed as if you were talking to God, which gave the poem an even deeper impact for me. Thank you for sharing this honest glimpse at yourself.
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This is such an interesting contest, all trying to get comments on their poetry. Think one always has to look ahead and not back - thinking positive thoughts, not negative ones. Others should not be able to change your future without you having some say in the matter.
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Such sad words from the heart...to loose trust is to slowly loose love...Your words are very touching my sweet friend good luck on the contest
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Nicely done, good ending,
well written piece,
good luck in the contest,
Floorboards. -
this is great. love it.
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I sense this feeling of regret but if there wasn't regret how could we evolve? At least you are owning up to your mistake. A very good write indeed.
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Interesting piece... I found myself siding with the unknown person in this piece, although my sympathy for the author was perked a little at the end... nice write!
Keep writing
Polly
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Hope you can live up to this.
Most people can't.
Those that can truly lead a better life. -
i like the very beginning. nicely written. keep it up. return the favor.
~Dani~ -
Awww, cheers to the no more lying part!
Made a great read. Thank you for sharing! It's lovely!
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so youll never lie?
what a noble goal, i wish you well...thank you for your interest and entry, and per guidelines, please remember to comment the other entrants
-ryan -
Different for love poem.
For a heartbreak poem this one is very unique. Usally these type of poems turns out clichee but I like how this is crafted. I really has it's on idenity in the genre of love poem. Excellent work!
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Hm. I like it. It's not like most heart break or love poems I read. I don't find to many poems with the person speaking taking the blame. It's refreshing. It's a good perspective. Good luck!
~Whitemaiden
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i definately know how it feels to lose something that you never imagined you would lose....and to sit and think about what you did to help lose it, what you could have done...what you should have done. It's painful, but it's not permanant. Good write! Good luck in the contest!
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Great job!
I hope you win your cool contest thing!
wonderful job
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i loved the first two lines. i hope things work out for you!
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great
great poem...hopefully this person got a second chance..(sorry if dis is written more than once..) -
love
nice job!
beautiful and this should win something
it's amazing.
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this is so cute.
ahh I've felt this way sometimes.
good write, good flow!
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you look to be young with wisdom.Listen to what you wrote.
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The truth is sometimes hard to take, you have shown us a sad situation in detail easy to understand and I am sure many will relate to this, nice flow and I hope the answer to the question is yes,
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Very well written. A very humbling recognition of a human failing. Great job. Best of luck in the contest.
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It's Not What I Expected
I wrote a poem called "Common Sense R.I.P." so I thought this would be along the same lines - you have written a heartfelt poem - a bit sad though - the flow is great as well - good luck in the contest - keep on keeping on - Bless God - Joe - (Dobar Dan)
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This is good poem a little sad goodluck in contest have a nice day
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I can really relate to this. Great piece. Good luck in that contest. Hope you get lots of comments
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This has a definite lyrical feel to it, and you've expressed the pain very well. It's just my personal opinion, but more could be done in the way of description in the piece. It has a nice rhythm to it, and I could easily picture it being set to music and sung.
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I like the beginning the most, especially because the way you worded it is very capturing and explains a lot. It shows that this person who so special to you that the love would be the last thing you'd ever imagine and want to give up... More or so if it had to be on the list. This is very deep, and it shows a heap of emotional and personal feelings. It also gives a bit if dramam the way things didn't work out right at first. Good poem. Caught my attention and kept me through it.
Hey, thanks for the IM and request. I enjoyed reading your write. I don't think I'd be able to enter this contest, because I'm not one for promoting poems. LOL But it's all cool. Good luck.
RAWR
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there is only this moment....and.... it lasts...forever
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i think that it seems to have a sense of ambiguity (It feels uncertain of meaning or intention) other than obviously being about love. it also feels to me that you are focusing on what happened, and not why. i do, however, like the fact that you ended it in a way that seemed to beg for forgivness, or acceptance. You have a lot of talent, and i think you write very well. maybe try for a sense of unity, and clear, concise meanings. This will help with abstract and uncertain meanings. these will allow you to not only protray your true meaning, but also to get your point across to the reader. if you are not clear and concise, the reader has the chance of interpreting the poem in a meaning that wasn't intended...keep writing!
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Well done and I hope you do well with it.
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Well, it starts off a bit rocky, but I love the ending. It does rhyme in some places, and not in others, so the pattern is a bit broken, but its a great draft! (I'm a firm believer that nothing is ever actually finished, you could always find something to improve)
Brandon -
Brava, mon belladona
This is verry emotional and rough, there are a few choppy parts to the flow, but I feel as if that almost adds to the reading of the poem. If intentional good work, If not lucky...the poem is a great description of the feelings when one loses someone or something without fighting for it.
May the stars always light your path
DarkWind -
oh gosh, this is soo sad but i really liked it.
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I like the content but it sounds choppy. You have some rhyming and non rhyming lines. I don't know where the pattern is if there is one.
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Good title
All of us have asked these questions about a fractured relationship at one point or another. You have phrased so that the loss and "what if"s come racing back to mind. Last 3 lines are a perfect summary, and let us create a "what's next" picture for you. And a possible new direction for ourselves. Good Write! Good luck in the contest.
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a simply great write, indeed.
the theme is emotional and
there may be a tint of cliche in it.
nevertheless, i still like the poem ^^
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