My redemption (not quite on the lines of god)

It goes through my head each day,
The way I treated you then,
I guess today is my own redemption,
Just to make me feel better about myself then,

I can't listen to what they say,
Or even you for that matter,
I bring myself up,while bringing you down,
Listening to your chit chatter,

You could've called me a bastard,
The one that broke your heart,
But in the middle of all the heat,
I realized what really tore me apart,

I put my addiction in front of emotion,
Let me lay this down a little more,
I put my thoughts into words,
Then it was all just a lure,

Let me redeem myself on this night,
Of all my non-actions and words,
Let me tell you how I really felt,
Without having to wrap myself in these cords,

Let me know how you feel,
Deep down inside your soul,
Let me know if these are right,
Instead of having to live in this world so cold...