The blade may have hurt
but the blade didn't kill me
I hope they get the picture
why I hate this place
Because the blades never kill me
just everyday life itself
I can't even smile without crying
I wish that...ya know
Maybe if I felt, hell
ANYTHING, I could finally die
I cry
because the blade didn't kill me
I keep slashing
praying for an end of sort
bang my head against the wall
hope for a coma...concussion
I'm still afraid
I'm so sad
I feel so alone
I rock myself to sleep
again I cry
because the blade didn't kill me
A contest entry
- Two Options; Dark Picture Prompt by stylization.
450 points, ended March 17, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Is there something you would change?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Only one thing can compare to the heartache of this kind of failure, and even then, it doesn't quite feel the same as the humilation that will always haunt you.
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I knew i responded to this poem.
I did respond to this poem. I liked this alot. it was very fast paced at the end. But isn't life faster when your at the end. seems like everything speeds toward inevitability. -
on a second non drug induced read, i just want to rephrase what i said, if you wrote the same thing, but less literal, such as
i slash and slash
and bleed
yet i never feel a thing -
i like it a lot, if i were you i'd a a little more imagry, but hey, thats just my style. rock on, i think your awesome
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I read it a few times and the message is obvious but I just didn't like it as a poem. It needs more structure and emotive language in it to make the reader care. Metaphor and simile are common poetic devices because they work. This is more jumbled, and even incoherant at times. The overall affect was of a rant that seemed familiar 'cause it's similar to a rant we've heard a hundred times before on allpoetry. Reading some of your other stuff, it's clear you have a good poetical voice, you just need to bring it out more here. take care x
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it's a good poem, but could use a little grammer
In the middle, "i wish that...ya know" it would sound better as "you know"
a good poem and thanks for entering. -
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completly dissagree, poetry's about saying fu ck the gramer rules, at least good stuff is
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Frustrating poem
I had to read this a few times, I understand what you feel. I went through the same period in my life. I even have a scar on my hand from a knife. it went right thru the muscle and bone. Thats why i now live alone.
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