Solitude, a place oft sought as men’s hearts are dragged across the knives of life,
Their unwept tears, like a flood against the dam of sanity.
Now the craving for elusive peace causes a tiny breach,
Soon to become a deluge that pitilessly smashes all that’s in its path.
What was once called "balanced" or "normal" is now carried away by the undertakers flow of the flood.
The wishful dreams of lonely places, inhabited only by our desires
Be they a secluded cove or a wandering woodland trail,
Now, as the shackles of self hatred and dead hope bite into the soul,
So they which were sweet have rotted, unrecognisable in their decay.
As we scream out the excruciating pain and loss, so the flood closes over our head!
Author notes
Ok, the darker side of my thinking is revealed here. I must confess to having not read the other entries to the contest, and this may not be what is required... However, it was interesting to write none the less.So often in lifes manic rush for worthless baubles we ignore the multiple wounds that we pick up ... Often for them to go septic many years later.
In a list
A contest entry
- Spill Out Your Heart by KeepingTime.
375 points, ended March 14, 2008, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
this is not my usual style.. Am I any good at this darker expression?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Oh what a tangled web we weave. LOL. Thought I'd put something in here that was as good as your poem. I like the imagery here of the flood overcoming us and our sanity. Very good job, and keep writing!
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You may not have won this contest but your words to me wil never be forgotten.It may not be your usual stlye of writing but the feelings you have shared is felt by so many people.people struggle every day in life sometimes when it seems to hard those people take their own life a horrible end to a life never able to learn what their life was meant to be instead of what was created to be by the horrible feelings of being all alone and that nobody cares what happens to you.Sometimes sollitude can be a good thing and sometimes it can consumes you and you loose yourself in lonliness.Great job on writing this and thank you for writing it.
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This liken to my feelings at times, as i deal with lifes strugfgles. never knowing what the next day will offer or bring.
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Wonderful write! The first two lines drew me in and were so smooth and flowing in their imagery. It is dark, but bedded in lovely imagery. I enjoy all kinds of poetry and admire people who can write in more than one style. If this was your first 'dark' write then you are very gifted. Thank you for sharing.
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I am not familiar with your other writes - you were saying you don't usually do dark writes, but honestly - I think you did a fantastic job. Everyone has a dark side to them, wether they are the happiest people on earth or not. Without the darkness there would be no balance to all the light - don't be ashamed to write dark, it has its beauty too - I think this is wonderful!
"Solitude, a place oft sought as men’s hearts are dragged across the knives of life,"
--dragged across the knives of life - great choice of words here!
"Now, as the shackles of self hatred and dead hope bite into the soul,"
-- I just absolutely loved this line... "shackles of self hatred" and to "bite" into the soul - wow, another line full of great imagery and emotion.
"As we scream out the excruciating pain and loss, so the flood closes over our head!"
-- I really love how you ended this piece, as you used the "flooding" through out the poem, and now it's over, it "closes over our head!"
What a great piece - I do hope to see more of these writes from you
Always,
Amber
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Personally, I think you should stick to not darker. It is a well written poem but to me it still sounds slightly happy if it makes any sense?
the tone anyway.
good work and good luck with the contest! -
great write, i love poems that are focused around themes like this. the despair displayed and the darkness in it is brilliant. the terms used within the context are a perfect match giving a sense of morbidity to every line and great use of imagery
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once again, ty all for your positive comments. I write best when I am emoting about things, and this one started as a positive thought... *sigh*
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EXCELLENT
thats for writing such an awesome piece of work.I give you my standing ovation for this write, and if I could applause you more than the 3 little yellow clapping dudes, I would as this deserves many applauses.wow, it blew me away.You have excellent talent with the dark side.Your word descriptions are awesome, you paint a wonderful picture in the mind of the reader with such descriptive word usage.I take my hat off to you my dear poet friend, as you have here, one excellent piece of poetry.Never put your quill down!
Take care and blessings to you
Angel.
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This is great! Then again, I haven't read any of your other poems so it might be horrible by your standards. It has great imagery. Good job!
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