He sits with chin upon his knee,
my little son of only three,
and begs for one more bedtime tale.
(He's stubborn, and he will prevail).
"All right", I say, between my sighs,
"but first lie down and close your eyes.
If still and quiet you remain,
I'll tell you of the magic train."
He gives me a fantastic grin,
then pulls the covers to his chin,
"My eyes are closed, my mouth is, too!
Please tell me what the train can do."
I smooth his brow, and kiss his cheek,
and softly, I begin to speak.
"The magic train is on its way...
heading towards the end of day.
The magic train, it chugs and steams,
and carries children to their dreams,
and while they sleep, all snug and tight,
the train rocks on throughout the night.
Its destination you decide.
This is, of course, a magic ride.
Do anything, go anywhere,
the magic train can take you there.
The wheels go round and round until
your every wish they do fulfill,
and when tomorrow's dawn is near,
those wheels will bring you back to here."
I gazed upon my sleeping son,
his need for "one more story" done,
and whispered softly, this refrain,
"Sweet dreams aboard the magic train."
Author notes
Photo Credit: http://photobucket.com/images/Toy%20Train/
In a list
A contest entry
- From a four-year-old's point-of-view by elmundopasa1.
600 points, ended March 18, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme and Flow part 2 Children's - 50,000 points series by cricketjeff.
4000 points, ended June 3, 49 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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the storyteller-I will read this to my child it's wonderful
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Brilliant write worthy of the award-zzzzzzz!!!!!
xxx Hilly
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That was great, it has such a natural flow and rhyme to it. the sweetness and tenderness of your words show through so well that i couldn't help but imagine the scene. well done on such a great poem.
line 16 is begging for your attention, just needs a rework to elimnate an extra syllabol.
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Although Jeff has commented on my behalf, I would just like to add my own congratulation on the silver.
Well done...Sue
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Congratulations on silver.This was one of my favorites, Ros
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A lovely poem that captures the magic of children, and that special time when they go to sleep. Congratulations on the trophy.
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Sue and I very nearly came to blows over 2nd-4th place, the "experts" were not a lot of help either. Eventually we have come up with what we believe is the right order and you came out top (well 2nd).
We have both had 3 (and 4 5 6 7 etc) year olds who needed that one extra bed time tale. This is just right.
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This is absolutely wonderful!
I could picture you tucking him in...and the big grin..
and the quiet smile in the end......
I am going to tell my grand daughter about the magic train!!
Best wishes in the contest.
Write on!
*PEACE*
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This poem is great!! The flow is fantastic, and the story is beautiful.
They say that many editors couldn't write for their lives so while I am going to offer my thoughts on a couple of lines, it's while still recognizing that I would be thrilled to be able to pen a poem like this one. I hope you'll take it for what it's worth (possibly not a whole lot.)
The flow remains pretty consistent and steady throughout the whole poem (which is part of its charm.) I did find that line 6 seemed just slightly off when I read it (compared to the rest of the poem.) Just my opinion, but I might consider replacing "you must" with "first" so that the line reads "but first lie down and close your eyes" which I think might fit better.
The only other minor point I saw was line 16. Every other line in the whole poem begins with an unstressed syllable while this one ("heading") begins with a stressed syllable. It might be worth considering inserting the word "it's" or something like it to give it an unstressed syllable.
Again, fabulous poem, and I am glad I came across it. Good luck in the contest.
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Every little boy loves his steam train and the big boys too.I love this tale of togetherness.It made me want to be a part of the journ.Your son is so lucky to have a childhood that he will remember with joy.It will always stay with him and build him into a strong and loving man, Ros
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Such a nice flow and truly wonderful sentiments. I could easily see you there telling the story to your child. A very real and naturally charming tale.
Good Luck. ~ Joyce
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Lovely, sweet poem. I want a magic train please
Good luck in the contest
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excellent! you are an incredible poet, especially when it comes to a four-year-old's perspective. but i don't think it'd be fair to give you first second and third. :-)
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