The corner of the house was green-
the seafoam type of green that makes you feel nostalgic for grandma
and her silver lined treats in the afternoon.
Those afternoons spent with glistening faces
in front of that air conditioner-
as if the entire existence of a single day
revolved around its gift of relief.
The wind blows,
and the leaves,
brown like litter from their reward of patience,
sweep gently by the front porch.
Stale, pink blush on an aging woman's face.
You adjust your eyes to bring you closer.
You come like a tracking shot,
and the gusts kiss your eardrums
and bring to them the slight scent of a merry-go-round,
if they had such a smell.
The seafoam eats you up,
gives you darlings and false prophecies and eats them.
Let downs are easier to digest
with each step taken up the hard wood of the front porch.
It's so cold and you're alone now
but not by choice.
These things happen.
Your creations will be consumed before you ever even imagine them.
A contest entry
- great pieces that never got enough recognition by unraveled.
700 points, ended November 9, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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this was a very interesting poem! i liked the way it sounded, and although i felt it was trying to get at a storyline it wasn't entirely necessary for me to understand exactly what it was about. it gave such a nostalgic mood and unique little bits that stuck in my mind, like the scent of a merry-go-round or the commentary about sea foam green. nice work.
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i really enjoyed this
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I really liked this.... great descriptions and story line. The ending is really abstract, I'm not sure if you meant it this way but I feel like the person who lived in the house died. At least, that's what I got from it.
My favorite line might be "The seafoam eats you up, gives you darlings and false prophecies and eats them" ---beautiful image.
My one suggestion would be to make the contrast between font and background a little bit. Haha, not a big deal, I just don't read light blue well.
Thank you
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i like the certain breath of longing, and nostalgia here but i suggest you fix your line breaks
thanks for sharing and keep writing.
HENSLEY -
Wow, I love the way this is worded. As for the presentation, I think it could be better. Some spaces and line breaks would make it easier on the eyes and on the flow as well.
Thanks for taking the time to enter.
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