Bridge drawn on troubled waters,
but not a ripple to break the eventide;
Just as water slips to nothingness,
till a waka lightens the
Damashii, to confused tales
born within wisest dragons
of fortitude and danger...
Xishi's will on plaintive soil,
vested with beauty or shadow's tricks?
Tainted tales of loyalties plight,
light too does weave webs of deceit
left to conquer a prince's eye,
Unmoving as the north star itself,
such was the enigma of Xishi,
that broadened borders of deceitful love,
yet hailed a light to potently parch
the borders that now lay conquered.
A bridge resides where love was dammed,
what seeps through now is purities paradise.
Author notes
Xishi was a legendary beauty of the Spring and Autumn period (770-476 B.C.) in ancient China.
Waka-Father of Eastern poetry lol.
Damashii-daring soul
"Xishi River" @ deviantart by foureyes
In a list
A contest entry
- snapshot. [quickie] by Ryno.
300 points, ended March 13, 2008, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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From my googling, it looks like you did a little bit of googling yourself
Good on ya.
I thought you did nice work with the emotions, they were rather strong throughout the poem. As for the imagery, I thought you could've went a little more powerful, and you had some descriptive outbursts, but in other places it was beautiful.
I really loved "the borders that now lay conquered," oh my, thats just beautiful and so easy to connect to its incredible. If only the borders in everday life could be conquered!
Referring again to the bridge at the ending was interesting. It worked in the sense of making us reveiw the poem again
Overall, wonderful pennings you got here and thanks for the entry
Ryan -
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I did do a quick research and then took the story in my way lol...Glad you liked it
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Not only have you penned a beauteous work of poetry, you have enlightened the reader with a bit of history. Breathtaking! I wish you well in the Comp.
Much Love & Respect ♥
Renee


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Thx for the wonderful comment
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