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Day wakes in gentle hush

Missing image
A rush of wings paint eastern skies
as heron calls dawn from its rest

silence wears the name of solace
in the whispering paddy fields

The golden glow of saffron shimmers
reflecting in the early light,
and river hushed,almost silent
ripples the echoes of lullabies.
Could such beauty be a mirage
to fill but dreams with softer sighs?

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Khadidja the Wise
    March 12

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    It seems this poem goes more with an Asian country, as does the picture. The image you describe seems dream-like, but it is so real at the same time.

  • suseann
    March 12
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    To observe such wonder in a still life image gives it life. A reader can feel a calm exampled enrichment of life from your descriptions.
  • Nangaleema
    March 12
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    Lovely imagery! My favorite line is " The golden glow of saffron shimmers". And the mention of the heron and the paddy fields also make the visual image of the poem more concrete.
    It feels like all 10 lines could be grouped together. Just a thought. Also the punctuation of the first 4 lines seems incongruent with the last 6.
    Overall a great read. - NANGALEEMA

  • Nannar
    March 12
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    Lovely picture and poem

    Very nice poem. The reader is whisked away to a quietplace in Asia. Maybe a nice meal or a play acting out a bit of local history. The simple life of the people a great drawing force. As one looks to the hustle and bustle of people rushing to go nowhere. Great stuff!

  • Jokerman
    March 12

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    stunningly beautiful

    this just fills the mind with beauty and calms the fevered spirit.pure word power.love it.a delight to the senses.


  • Wandika gold member
    March 11
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    Wonderful

    Imagery is written in your poem.

    How goes the new watercooler?


  • Ryno
    March 11

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this because of the imagery, it was descriptive, but in a good since because it allowed me to feel the emotion in it.

    I found some of the phrasing could've been stronger in certain places maybe, and I think that would've made the piece more powerful.

    I liked the ending, but I don't know about the last word. It works... but it could've been stronger again, I guess

    Other then that; nice piece that really took me to the picture.

    Thanks for the entry.

    Ryan

  • aboomer silver member
    March 11

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    Truly beautiful wording in this. I love the images you have painted. Just a beautiful write.
    best wishes in your contest.


  • Poetry-and-rhyme
    March 11

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    sisss ripples the echoes of lullabies and mirage saffron shimmers teach me teach meee plz i wanna be like my sis(L)(L) a genious artist

  • poetryality silver member
    March 11

    Edit | Reply
    Soothing! Very soothing work here my friend. It amazes me what can be relayed with so few words by some. ~sigh I wish you well in the comp.


    Much Love ♥

    Renee


  • melphleg gold member
    March 11

    Edit | Reply

    stunning

    You captured me with the first line. I could picture the scene in my mind. The piece gives a feeling of tranquility and an awe for beauty. It reminds me much of fishing trips with my dad in northern Minnesota.

  • suseann
    March 11

    Edit | Reply
    This calming image painted by these free versed words is a collection of peacefulness to behold.Nicely done.

1 - 14 of 14