[Four lanky, wild-eyed dudes in overalls come on stage; one gets behind the decks and starts to slice and serve some radical sounds to a four-square beat, the other three pick up radio mics and strut to the front]
I’m a creepy janitor, Smithers is my name.
Scarin’ folk away is my only game,
Gettin’ rich quick, that’s how I got my fame,
Come round here and I’ll scare you all the same!
People come to my place, quiet as a mouse,
I’ll run ‘em off – THERE’S A GHOST IN THE HOUSE!
Ain’t afraid of no spook, ain’t afraid of no zombie,
But Whoa! Four kids in a Volkswagen Combi!
Said Scooby, dooby, rooby-dooby-doo!
Yo! Four teens and a dumb dog too!
Awop-bop-a-loo-bop, awop-bam-boo –
Scooby-dooby-dooby-dooby where-da-hell-are-you?
Now one skinny kid is dumber than the rest,
Got a dirty T-shirt just hanging off his chest,
His hair’s not combed and his jeans are baggy,
Gotta itty bitty beard, and his name is Shaggy.
He’s a two-bit beatnik, dumber than a log,
And along with him comes this STUPID GREAT DOG!
Who’s that, Smithers? – I’ll tell you who –
That NO GOOD FLEA-BAG Scooby-dooby-doo!
Said Scooby, dooby, rooby-dooby-doo!
Yo! Four teens and a dumb dog too!
Said skiddy, diddy, bamma-lamma-loo –
Said Scooby, dooby, where-da-hell-are-you?
Say where?
Rover rere!
Say WHERE?
Rover rere!
Put on a white sheet, and pump up the scares –
They don’t know there’s gold downstairs!
In a suit of armour, stomp and clank,
Around the house gonna strut and skank,
Can’t get me, I’m built like a tank,
Gold downstairs is money in the bank!
But I get tripped up, my sheet’s torn and muddy,
Coz of that dumb dog and his beatnik buddy!
Said Scooby, dooby, rooby-dooby-doo!
Yo! Four teens and a dumb dog too!
Said hey-shagga-flea-bag WOO-HOO-HOO!
A-scooby, a-dooby, Who-da-heck-are-YOU?
Got one big switch that kills all the lights,
Another for the sounds and the scary sights,
Rattlin’ chains and all-out frights,
Lightnin’, brightenin’, thunder-filled nights.
But the Scooby krew got me on the skids –
WOULDA GOT AWAY TOO IF IT WEREN’T FOR YOU KIDS!
But there’s two of you gonna drive me insane –
The lame-brain hippie and the dang Great Dane!
Said Scooby, dooby, rooby-dooby-doo!
Yo! Four teens and a dumb dog too!
Shaggy-raggy-baggy, Scooby-dooby-doo,
Sit on it, swivel, and – Yo! – scr*w you!
Hee hee hee
[“er… Mr Smithers… Can I do ‘Oh Carolina’ now?”
“I keep telling you, kid – you’re not that ‘Shaggy’!”
“I’m not? Zoiks!”]
Author notes
NB: The CAPITALS in this piece are NOT "sticky". They indicate the passages where the performers are over-driving their microphones!
In a list
A contest entry
- Cartoon Side Kicks by plainoljoe.
3000 points, ended March 25, 2008, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For People Who Can't Stand Rap Music by BluesMan.
1750 points, ended May 17, 19 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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This needs a turn table and a spin master! This brought back memories of my childhood and Saturday morning cartoons in the days of "BR"
Before Rap Heheh. Thank you for entering the contest.
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My pleasure, BM.
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HAHAHAHA!
So great! I love how you used the Scooby "gang" in this one! Well written, very funny, and I enjoyed this piece enormously! If only all rap could make this much sense! -
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I decided the only way to lampoon rap music was to try to do something as straight as I could. So I started with a crazy idea and ran with it.
I've listened to urban music quite a lot. Mostly I think it contains a hell of a lot of unconscious self-satire. I did get fed up with videos of some ugly, badly dressed guy with his face right in the camera lens, with half a dozen half-undressed, over-sexualised young women rubbing themselves up and down on him. Cliché!
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Haha. I enjoyed this alot. I especailly like the description of Shaggy and the zoiks at the end. How could I have overlooked that in mine?
Loved it.
Mike
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hee hee hee
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Inspiring
Thanks for the random promotion. Came here to read after linking to The Score and I must say it was worth it. Excellent use of language, rolls off the tongue. Unfortunatley I lost all my MP3's last year, to a Hard Drive failure. 
and the links that do work are backups. Kind of lost my drive(nop pun inteneded) after losing everything but this gets me in the mood again. If I ever get back to producing, I'll turn this into an MP3 (with your permission of course.
I frequent your page often, but I'm not much of a commenter, I just wanted to tell you that you inspire me to continue writing and I thank you for that.
Keep on keeping on.
Dan
PS: Most of my working MP3 files can be found at http://homepage.ntlworld.com/danabouk/
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I'm glad I have revitalised you a little. Yes, you take this one away and have fun with it. Not so much Gangsta Rap as Janitta Rap!
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thanks for the additional entry---and again I say, 'Hats off to skinny beatniks(hippies) and their faithful canines-----always there to come to the rescue
Joe -
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(ruh roh!)
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haha - this brings back memories - perfectly executed rap. We need sound at this place.
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Now then... my young friend DanASBO has set many a rap-poem to sound, including one of mine, I think, if the link is still up...
Hmm... my poem is still there http://allpoetry.com/poem/1973566 but the link to Dan's sound page no longer works. Visit his myspace page http://www.myspace.com/danabo - his voice is distinctive, plaintive, and one of his old tracks plays when you open the page. He used to link to a lot more, but I think he radically overhauled his AP page etc.
Anyhow. I am glad you liked this one.
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vaguely remember this episode with Smithers but thank God for hippies and their dogs--at one time or another they have come to all our rescue
Joe
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It's my belief that all Scooby villians are either Smithers in disguise, or related to him by some convolution of a family tree. And by the way, Old Man Smithers the creepy janitor also appeared in the 1st live Scooby-doo movie. Enjoy.
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This is truly amazing read aloud...I'm bookmarking & thanks for the laughter!
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You're very welcome, La. I have been chanting it like someone demented ever since I got it down in MS Word!
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