I am at a loss of words,
The tongue has lost its speech,
The pain is excruciating,
Go away, just go,
now to thoughts I beseech.
I am at a loss of smiles and laughter,
For the reason to smile is there no more,
The lips have been sewn and locked,
That sound not heard for ages,
hence forgotten long before.
I am at a loss of tears as well,
For the eyes were tired of crying,
Reddened and swollen once,
Appear lifeless as a stone,
because of drying.
I am at a loss of feelings too,
I actually made them go away,
For till they stayed, they made me mad,
I buried them in an airtight coffin,
in the land of unreachable- far far away.
I am at a loss of life,
With no tears or smiles to feel,
It’s best I be this way,
When I don’t have my world to live,
when I have to live in a world that’s real.
A contest entry
- Poetic challenge: A New Beginning!!! by luckynsincere.
525 points, ended March 25, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Nice job, and I love that you have displayed a bit of creativity with your line play... most try to play it safe... your risk was that indeed a risk.,, but it played in your favor.
I like this a lot.
At the close of this contest... there will be alink to a group left there. It is required that you join in order to continue in this challenge. This way you can better keep up with the rounds, and have a chance with the lil bonus rounds within the group.
Good luck. I look forward to reading more of you. This challenge will not be simple. Please reply to this comment, and let me know that you will be willing to give us your alll... and will try your best to meet our requirements. Again, this challenge will be very difficult, but has great benifits
Hope you decide to stick around for the challenge.
Sincerely,
Mel
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hey...i don't know what link to follow.... ( or there is still time before the contest is closed?..is it?)
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Yes..... i definitely want to continue in this challenge...i will strive to do my best...i am all game for this contest...anything that motivates me or makes me write better,,,,i cant let it go!
thanks for posting this contest in the first place and thanks for asking me to join!
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Very Very well written & Versed!--Excellent flow of verse!
Best of luck in the contest!
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Hi there ~
Welcome to the Poetic Challenge contest ~
I think you have written a strong piece, but you will find your Theme in every stanza, blouted out by the same thought....I believe you could have brought us facts about how this affects you as a person, and what challenges you face to pen such a deep entry ~
I liked the format....flow was really good....tone was heavy, as I said before....watch out for that and over-powering Themes, built around a lot of adjectives ~
I liked this entry....there is an unusual feel about it....I liked the *sequence of feelings* ~
Lots of talent I see.....you will need it :)
Good luck to you and your entry,
Bear ~
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i really really appreciate ur feedback.....i had written this poem in a particular state of mind..and wanted to describe my feelings at that instant...it just came from within this way...
could u elaborate a little more on the over powering theme?what exactly do u mean....
and thank u so much for the comment...will keep in mind what u said... -
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Hi again :)
Over-powering your Theme means, to flood your write with things we already know, or have felt from you firdst stanza, or you have already wrapped your Tone around a certain area of interest, and never move the Reader along ~
This probably sounds weird, but I guess every Judge is different....but we are Poets as well....and to critique your entry in public is the last thing I want to do....unless asked.....like this contest ~
So...I just say what my heart and skill as a writer says, and ask myself.....do I want to hear the Title in every stanza?
Your Theme needs to be stretched out and not all offered at the same time...leave ytour Reader with something to figure out
I hope this helps you get to know me a little better......I like it when a Poet has feedback on my reviews
....and to write this piece based on a *particular state of mind*....is something brave to do.....I hope your days are filled with 's
Bear ~
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