To walk in dreams asks not for dreams or sleep,
or for the velvet comfort of a cloak, or cover's sheen --
to walk in dreams is merely being the Dreamer's dream:
it follows golden rings of Rings and tender traces of his hem;
it softly treads upon green grass on which his silver art is shed;
it follows flowers gently floating on his living stream ...
To walk in dreams asks not to ask for dreams.
It is the sacred sureness of his gleam,
which links the faithful and the hopeful to the truth;
which weaves Love's fruitful branches to the Root.
It is the growth from life, in sorrow bled
until the final fear and tear are shed.
So let us press warm bodies to cold soil
to hear the heartbeat of the secret coil,
and let us free our spirits to fly high
to find our freedom in his sight of sky.
Let us be cleansed by splash of joyous rain:
to walk in dreams and Dreamer is the same.
[II] Analysis of Poem
Title:
The title is successful, in that it finds its echo back in the poem, which answered to the expectations of defining the paradox. The title also carried the lull of alliterative l and w, which are both soft and gliding sounds and effective in their preparatory timbre to the poem, which used onomatopoeia too. The emotional connectivity between wake, and walk, brought about by the alliteration, is of importance to underline the message of the poem.
This title is not too top-heavy for the poem, the latter being written in simple words.
Content:
Flow: The poem is succcesful in its flow -- I wrote the poem as it was given to me: impromptu, and with little cerebral intrusions. The definition of the anchor sentence, "to walk in dreams", showed coherence and focusedness right through the poem. Personally I found the poem rich when it presented itself to me, and now being objective, I can see exactly how the silent poem enriched the visual one in texturedness. Nature and the spiritual world are linked tenderly, but powerfully, as God intended it to be.
Poetic devices: Personification is strongly present in the poem; not only present, but also presented by the Sacred and the Divine, the Constant, which we often try to understand in symbols, as we do when we encounter deeply spiritual dimensions. Sound, e.g. alliteration, assonance,onomatopoeia; colour, movement and powerful, yet tender voice, all are interwoven to give the reader the totality of the beauty of Him, as our Ultimate Dream. The metaphoric reference to His silver art (dew), came to me only after I have posted the poem.
Structure: Although the rules asks not for rhyme, but only if it is used intelligently, I think that in this poem the rhyme scheme is not forced and really added to the whole: being seamless in wakeful sleepwalking.Internal rhyme is used to enhance the rhythm and the pace. The repetition used in this poem added to the structure, in that it enticed the reader to stay focused.
Punctuation: I think I know how to use punctuation effectively, but any suggestions will be considered carefully. I used punctuation, so that breaks allowed the reader to read this poem ponderously and reflectively, as it was written.
Serindipity: The following two lines really jumped out at me when I wrote it:
To walk in dreams asks not to ask for dreams.
to walk in dreams and Dreamer is the same.
Artwork with the poem:
I took a photo of my garden at night and I used this to make the Kaleidoscope, titled Midnight Garden. I wrote the poem, while looking intensely at this artwork, and it is a symbol of the wheel, ever present in wholeness and in movement towards spiritual growth.
Bad parts: I honestly cannot see how to improve anything in this poem LOL but seeing that I am not a good critique of my own work, I shall welcome any suggestions.
Please tell me if I succeeded in verbalizing a hopeful and an uplifting poem, or please indicate spelling errors, for English is not my mother-tongue.It was and is a pleasure to participate.
Thank you.
[III] REVISION
Wakeful Sleepwalk
To walk in dreams asks not for dreams or sleep,
or for the velvet comfort of a cloak, or cover's sheen --
to walk in dreams is merely being the Dreamer's dream:
it follows golden rings of Rings and tender traces of his hem;
it softly treads upon green grass on which his silver art is stemmed;
it follows flowers gently floating on his living stream ...
To walk in dreams asks not to ask for dreams.
It is the sacred sureness of his gleam,
which links the faithful and the hopeful to the truth;
which weaves Love's fruitful branches to the Root.
It is the growth from life, in sorrow bled
until the final fear and tear are shed.
Warm bodies pressed, together coiled in mortal mirth,
strain for tell-tale secrets, hidden amidst flesh of earth;
highly, free spirits soar, incandescent wonder shining,
to freedom unsound, found in His sky of sightly sighing.
So be ablaze by spark of joyous flame:
to walk in dreams and Dreamer is the same.
(Thank you, Host, for the delightful suggestions)
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