Dreams - Realities

It's true what they say, time plays tricks on you. But as I sit here and think about my past and all of the good and the bad things that have happened, I realize that memory is an unreliable narrator. Things that I remember probably didn't actually happen the way I remember them. And I can't swear by my memories, but I know how it felt and this is all I have to go on.

As I sit here and try to think of where I went wrong and where I went right I wonder why we are so quick to forget the bad and romanticize the good. In my everyday life, I try and push aside all memories of where I went wrong, but if I really stop and try and understand my past, I realize that the bad times are normally what made me stronger and helped me to push through to the good times.

The truth is, my past gave me the best times of my life. Mistakes were made, hearts were undoubtedly broken and harsh lessons were inevitably learned, but all of that has receded into fond memories now.

It's true what they say, time plays tricks on you. One day you're dreaming and the next your dream has become your reality. My dream came true when I was too young to truly appreciate the importance of it. But as I look back, I understand that it defined me as a person and it's the life line that connects my fears and insecurities to my reality. It pushed me to limits that I never thought possible and what I've learned has stayed a part of me throughout the years and will continue to remain with me and grow inside of me until the day I die.

There is still that scared little girl that follows me wherever I go. Sometimes I wonder if she'll ever leave, but a part of me wants her to stay and to understand that she'll be okay one of these days. But as I move on through my life, with the shadows of my past following me every step of the way, I'm starting to understand that people who like you, who understand you and actually accept you for who you are will become an increasingly rare occurrence. There are so many people who contributed to who I am today and I'm starting to understand I need to hold them close and never let them stray too far from my reach.

At every turn it seems as if history is re-writing itself in small ways. Mistakes are being re-made and fears are being re-lived. I used to be afraid of so many things, that I'd never grow up, that I'd be trapped in the same place for all eternity, that my dreams would be forever shy of my reach... But I'm starting to understand that being afraid isn't doing anything for myself. I won't lie and say that I'm not scared anymore, because I am terrified. But I'm taking what I've learned and I'm trying to be bold. Trying to be courageous. Trying to live the life I know that I am capable of living.