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seastories

shells down by the sea
whisper oceanic melodies
soft and pleasant

seduce my ear drums
intrigue swimmer ambition
persuade my doggy paddle

encourage my endurance
drown friendly hopes
in your deep soul

sunken ships
afternoon laps
morning practice

hold your life savors
toss me my inner strength
threaten wounds of coral reef

Season taste buds salted
diagnose mind delusional
suck breaths away gently

stroke by stroke
wear me worried
paint me pale

bury me treasure
alongside fallen pirates
mark your surface bloody

challenge my abilities
push limits higher
scare me to shore

wave upon my head
typhoon my lips speechless
plague insides with hypothermia

 

Blessed sea stories I crave

Feed my hunger

Quench my thirst 

 

Humor my pride

give me this

a Chance to prove my worthiness

 

Brilliant brain I lack

Loaded pocket book-less

stubborn titanium plated

 

 

Quit is not in my vocabulary 

A contest entry

whats your opinion about it?

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 27 of 27

  • Mirthryl
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    Delightful "persuade my doggy paddle." Insightful "drown friendly hopes in your deep soul," she is no regarder of gill-less life. Great imagery with "sunken ships" at practices.
    Outstanding "hold your life savors" with homophone triggering nerves to "life guards," "candy," and "mortal delights." You did it again with "season taste buds" and season as "swim competition season" and "sea salt."
    Delicious imagery and metaphor with "stroke by stroke" (painting or swimming) "wear me worried/paint me pale/bury me treasure alongside fallen pirates." Loved the scare/wave/typhoon/plague lines.
    Fantastic concluding four lines. Not brilliant or rich, but "titanium plated" stubbornness; NOT a quitter! An essential trait for any who would be great.
    An enormously enjoyable read. Well done!


  • SpydurPoet silver member
    May 29
    Edit | Reply
    Okay. Okay.
    How old are you again?
    In the world of poetry, it would be very hard indeed to actually become 'famous' in the necessary sense of the word.
    Poetry is, has, and always will be something that is generally forgotten in teh mainstream wreckage of movies, music, and other 'art.'
    I don't think I have ever said this to anyone, and I doubt many people would hear this from me again, but I do believe that you could become...a poetic juggernaut in your own right.
    You should be published.
    The world should read your poetry. In books.
    [I get the 1st signed copy]

    Oh wait, I take that back. DraytonDusk or David J Martin gets my 'get published right freaking now!!!' vote.


    You're a poetic genius, Brant.

    Really.

    I love poetry. I love the poems that I read on here. They are all different in their own right, each based on emotion and imagination of each person. I would definitely buy any book published by anyone I read on a regular basis. In fact, I have. I actually bought Oneal's book and a book that Ankeeta was published in.
    I treasure them. I've read most of the books.

    I would read yours over and over and over again and I would read them to my friends and they would all fall in love with poetry.

    Okay.

    I'll stop now.

    Go deflate your ego.


    • bones7
      May 29
      Edit | Reply
      LOL
      My ego is at a comfortable level,no need for deflating.lol
      Thanks,I'm not sure about trying to get published tho,It's more of a hobby,Although i do love it I really want to become a detective not a poet.
      Plus like you said,its tough to become a published famous poet.
      Thanks again

      • SpydurPoet silver member
        May 29

        Edit | Reply
        Oh, but I would promote it. I'd be your pro bono advertising agent!

  • bones7
    April 20
    Edit | Reply
    sweet

  • autumns rising
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    "stroke by stroke
    wear me worried
    paint me pale"
    these were my favorite lines. Along with the last stanza, this makes for gold.
    Great job.


  • j-ay rose
    March 25

    Edit | Reply
    This was removed for not complying with instructions. If you feel this was an error and you should still be in the contest feel free to let me know.

  • Tangled Angle
    March 23
    Edit | Reply
    I dig it.

    Welcome to Teen Idol 8.


  • Wrozes Thorne
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    Very good. I've always had a spot in my heart for the ocean. I enjoyed reading this write very much. Thank you for entering my contest

  • The Chameleon
    March 12

    Edit | Reply

    Interesting

    I think that this work is alright. You need to work on some stuff in here. I think that if you took out the quit is not in my vocabulary a person would be more understanding of the poem. Although, I am not sure where you were going with it. It is good up to that point I think.

  • grannyeri gold member
    March 12

    Edit | Reply
    Liked the alliteration in these lines; the flow and the verbiage here. Not sure why you use capitals later on and sporadically, and not in the first verses. Could have something to do with the seasickness, maybe?

    . Rewarded 4


  • Oraculus
    March 12

    Edit | Reply

    SNAPPY

    This is indeed unusual poetry and that makes it worth the read; your style makes my eyes move to the next line, while I wonder what beach you were at... DW

    . Rewarded 4


  • andywontdie gold member
    March 11

    Edit | Reply
    i liked it very much you definitely caught the essence and sea sickness here, reminds me a lot of my fiancee cause she is like this. cool use of phrase and alliteration make this feel right at home and entertainng. thanks for sharing and keep on keeping on!


  • Ryno
    March 11

    Edit | Reply
    I honestly think that this is among your best. There is not much to say about it as there isn't anything to critique, I feel that it is done and didn't find one thing to unsatisfying.

    I loved some of the phrasing in here and the emotion along with it:

    "hold your life savors
    toss me my inner strength
    threaten wounds of corral reef"

    Loved that part and the feelings there. Other then that, this pieces speaks for itself. Well penned Good luck in the contest.

    Ryan


  • ConvenientExcuses
    March 11

    Edit | Reply
    Whoa. I can see why this is one of your favorites! I love the way you use words...it's just so unique, and it's not something everyone can do. You are truely talented! Keep up the great work! =]


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    March 11

    Edit | Reply

    I enjoyed this poem....

    many lines spoke with reflection and pondering of thought. Interesting that you chose the metaphor the
    sea...a hypnotizing peace the ocean causes us..and
    reminded dangers lest we forget the depths of the ocean's
    thirst and powerful tides. I enjoyed your poem very much,
    brillance only goes so far...but DEPTH? Huge sea of
    depth in you, keep writing it all out! Quit is not
    in your vocabulary.
    ears2hearyou
    Kathleen : ))))))
    folklores and legends of the sea-google them, many
    you will feast upon and enjoy inspiring you to unleash
    your soul and write them for us to enjoy too!


  • markgrif gold member
    March 11
    Edit | Reply
    Good abstractness!
    Trippy even
    Enjoyed


  • Elavina
    March 11

    Edit | Reply

    OOooo

    good wrtie. . .I like you wprd usage. Very good. And your imagry is strong. You have some flow but then again flow is not in your vocabulary either lol. good job a definate hall of personal fame poem!


  • storiesuntold gold member
    March 11

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent write here

    This poem is set so very well and the story was enchanting as one struggles to survive the ultimate depths of the sea


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    March 11

    Edit | Reply
    By the second read-through, I was really getting into this. Usually "bullet-point lines" irritate the dickens out of me, but here they seem just right. Very well worth a couple of rounds of applause.

    . Rewarded 4


  • Uniquely-Scarred gold member
    March 11

    Edit | Reply
    beautiful not a word out of place and a true plessaure of mine to read such lovely crafted words good stuff

    . Rewarded 4


  • Adios Muchachos silver member
    March 11

    Edit | Reply
    "Life savors" is ingenuous!
    This is really good, Brant. You don't plan on being a better poet than your Pappy, are you?LOL You're getting there!

    Loved this, nixce going!


    • bones7
      March 11
      Edit | Reply
      lol,Idk but you better start writing more!
      I'm trying to catch up with you!lol

  • penman gold member
    March 10
    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    Terrific wording and images. So well crafted. Best of luck in the contest.


    • bones7
      March 10
      Edit | Reply
      lol
      Thank you
      I didn't enter it in a contest though
      Thanks again

  • RyanosaurusWrecks
    March 10

    Edit | Reply
    yeah yeah, show us all up
    finally a page from brants brain, and what do you know, its very well written
    ill stab anyone who says otherwise

    • bones7
      March 10
      Edit | Reply
      gracious bro.
      I am glad you like it.
      I tried to make it long,but I'm tired.lol
      bed time peace.
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