How sad am I, thinking you could be here with me now
after so raising my hope's expectation?
Now measuring in my heart, vastness of difference,
you being here when you are not.
My mind says, "turn to familiarly trusted",
To my heart and to guard it from harm.
But I choose to nurture this love for you,
while my mind says, I do my self wrong.
But love isn't for right, rather than wrong,
My heart is an Empire, and home of the strong.
You make their strength flex, in way once forgotten,
So wont stay with fear, would leave my heart rotten.
Accused in the past of hurling so much rejection,
wasn't rejection, was merely protection.
Thoughts and my feelings, still in projection,
hadn't hit their plain, where could see their reflection.
Though you willed us so warmly, up for election,
my heart's colours were confused, in their annihilation.
Still guilt leadenly, being wounded at their trial selection,
And so couldn't be present, to receive your affection.
Now they are gilded, have killed fears and dejection,
I'm trying, I'm doing, I'm ready for correction.
Corrected, Selected and ready for direction,
while love stirs inside me and it's ready for infection.
Do you think I'd walk this far, for my own inhalation,
when loves bags packed and ready, gather dust on the station.
Lets stir up a desert, with our own inspiration,
while the thought of you sends me, spirals of elation.
To sit now on my own, in my own contemplation,
leaves me hungry like tiger, devastating creation!
I have been oppressive to my self,
How could I allow myself to receive it well?
While in hypnotic belief, failing to be me,
My mind damming me to hell.
But it was not you, rejected,
I was merely rendered incapable,
of receiving what now, I want to give you,
Unwell in my heart but repairable.
And, repaired in it's own infirmary,
Of watching you ready to make for the door.
So much of you stealthily, secreted in my heart,
left it hollowing and needing you more.
As you left and detailed,
every caring thing.
I knew then you were for real,
O'h to turn away from such thing.
How wholesome, thoughts of you lying in my arms
in the morning after, with time on our side.
The sun rises for us, as I kiss you,
Now knowing, my wanting you, to be by my side.
Blindly trust all will come, as meant to be?
Should I not let you know, I am feeling this way?
If you see me as weakened, am I not the man,
You'd once wanted and so will you run away?
Now I do not sit with heavy heart,
I am with childish grin,
Though knowing upsetting, of many apple-cart,
Just want to feel us up, up against each others skin.
How sorry, I made hard for you,
Not able to trust in your love.
Incessantly suspicious of my own self,
Not you my beautiful dove.
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