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Clouds Shape Themselves and Go


Full belled clouds
Hover coldly

Oracles of rain

Heavy ominous warning
Turbulent times
Loom Closer

I wrap up my mind
Enclose hope
Wait for the flood

Wild drums rage
Guitars scream pain
Rip my guts

Sharp drops
Pelt brain waves
Relentlessly
Like acid
Dissolving ideas
Crushing resolve

Yet pain by nature
Is temporary torture
Fleeting

For

Clouds shape themselves and go




Author notes

I borrowed the title from Devin Townsend while listening to his incredible song 'Seventh Wave'.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • NeonRose
    April 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! This is amazing! Congratulations on winning Silver.


  • Glasyalabolas
    March 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the imagery and metaphor of clouds and rain in this piece and mixing it with references to music and sound, works really well.

    The short, three-line structure also gives the piece an airyness and time for it to sink in and allow the reader to think.

    Good write and congrats on silver.


  • Girl With Guitar silver member
    March 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh oh oh! Short lines, crazy-good vocab and brilliant descriptions. You're awesome, quite plainly! Most amazing parts:
    "Turbulent times
    Loom Closer"

    "I wrap up my mind
    Enclose hope
    Wait for the flood

    Wild drums rage
    Guitars scream pain
    Rip my guts"

    and definitely the ending line. You couldn't have set it out any more perfect, separating the end two lines definitely finishes it off perfect.

    Best of luck in the contest, of course you'll do great but if you don't, well you still have lol. Aren't I good with words today?