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The moon pours white wine

At a table in a garden, on a soft, sweet, summer's night
Two friends are sitting talking by the moon's reflected light.
On the table in the garden there are glasses but no drink
And the friends are sitting talking, but they often stop to think.
The topics that they cover seem to range so far and wide
And the glasses sit there empty, since they left the drink inside.
The night is getting cooler but the friends stay close and warm,
The moon just looks down calmly, she has magic to perform.
As he leans across to kiss her, and she kisses him as well,
The friendship starts to blossom into something more to tell.
The tension in the garden needs assistance to decline
So the silver crescent of the moon leans down to pour white wine.



Author notes

Dalaney, Lane, L.A.Smith wrote a haiku that contained an image I could not put down:-



Bon Apetit

Little black spider
wraps its dinner in fine silk
the moon pours white wine



So if you like my poem, please pay tribute to it's progenitor


There is a sequel to this poem After the Wine

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 99 of 540     1 2 3 4  next >  (show all)

  • LeilaJayne
    November 14
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    Woahhhthis poem has won a LOT of trophies! And well deserved i must add, it is very well written... i love the originality of it!!
    Thanks so much for entering and best of luck in the contest... x

  • reveller silver member
    November 13
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    You have so many trophies for this enchanting poem and it is hardly surprising. The poems has effortless beauty and is perfect in rhyme and meter. I loved every bit of it and was disappointed that I ran out of words to read....delightful!


  • sinfull
    November 12
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    I stopped in here before to read this and left no comment...the technique /skill used in writing it and the sound stayed with me ...Good poetry has it's own voice and you can hear it as soon as you start reading. it takes over and you just listen.


  • Lulu Gee silver member
    November 12
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    It sounds like a very fine wine indeed....as is this lovely poem.
    Lu


  • Bluemonday silver member
    November 12
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    I love the image you have portrayed here Jeff, well done...Dan


  • foreveryourslove
    November 6

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    wow amazing work thanks for taking your time in entering in my contest and i wish you the bestest of luck in my contest as well ~jasmine~

  • NeoFlame
    October 24
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    Just Amazing

    I love this, please keep it up!

  • DancingStar
    October 23

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    I thought that the rhyme of this piece was just fabulous. The poem was really nice, I enjoyed reading it. Had a nice up beat flow and gave me a sense of warmth! Thanks so much for entering


  • Poisoned-Poet silver member
    October 22

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    Wow! This is a beatifully written piece with perfect rhythm and rhyme. It creates such a vivid picture in my mind. Great Work! Your talent with words is inspirational. Maybe one day you would consider doing a collaborative poem with me?
    Please read some of my work I would really appreciate some critique from someone who can only be described as a master of rhyme and poetry. My best pieces are "My Day" and "A Place Called Hell". I would really like your views.
    Great job with this poem and I look forward to reading more of your work.


  • Skej
    October 21

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    Excellent

    I'm new here so just getting to grips with things. You are the first poet I have commented on and deservedly so. Lovely work.
    I look forward to reading more of your poems.

  • Haret5
    October 19

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    Nice Done

    I liked your poem and the ending was nice. The real magic was love not the moon white wine. Keep up the good work.


  • Sheilasbabygal4life
    October 18

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    First off I must say Congrats on all of them trophys. This piece was well worth all them trophys. This was amazing. I enjoyed reading this. Thank you so much for entering and best of luck too you in the contest. Keep up the fantabolous work.


  • Fail-me-not
    October 18

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    Amazing, Tell s a story when you read it you can see it in your head, Its just what i like about poetry, u deserve all those contests x


  • raggyann
    October 15

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    i think this was just fantastic
    you write with ease
    and your words float through me
    this i think is one of my favorites

    i


  • Twinstar
    October 15

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    What more can I say, that has not already been said? I love this!!! It is Brilliant!!!

    Love & Light
    Debbera


  • PoetessA.L.OPrunty
    October 15

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    Oh! So! Beautiful!

    Awww...I loved each and every line of this piece. And, the last line...What a conclusion! You have written a true Masterpiece!!!

    A. L. O'Prunty


  • SorrowsSlave
    October 15

    Edit | Reply
    Clearly deserving of all of the accolades. There are many things to compliment here, but I want to highlight a feature that may have yet (and no I have not scrolled all of the comments) been noticed. You have done an outstanding job with the topography in this piece. The actually layout of each line and the poem as a whole paints a word-picture of the white moon portrayed in the poem. This kind of parallelism is difficult to achieve. Props to you!

    Needless to say, one of the best!

  • hasty girl
    October 15

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    beautifull written.

    this is a wonderful poem. i like it how it flows from just friendship into something more.

  • baronessa
    October 15

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    Love it

    So sweet. It reminds me of better days before cynicism turned my moon into a lunatic. Hold fast to the romance.


  • moaner
    October 15

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    i can see why this is so popular. utter romance on a page, and i love it. couldn't write this for love nor money, so i'm glad someone has, so i may read it. well crafted, great poem xxx


  • SpyderWebsNSexDreams
    October 15

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    Amazing!!!

    Wow, your poem is absolutely wonderful! I love the imagery it paints. And you definately took that little phrase and built a beautiful poem around it. It does not surprise me that your poem has won so many awards and I hope it keeps winning more! Thank you for sharing your beautiful piece of art.

    xoxo
    Lexi


  • Stirrer of Stardust
    October 14

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    Memories, all alone in the moonlight.....

    Bringing back some memories of mine.....funny enough, I don't remember the wine, so to speak.

    My kudos to your inspiration!

    Love & Blessings,

    ~ ~ Janet ~ ~


  • Pisces rainbow gold member
    October 14

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    I do agree

    just beautiful

    congrats on all trophies

    God bless you my friend...

  • Wings-of-Expression
    October 14

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    Amazing

    That is one of the most beautiful poems I have ever read! BRAVO It starngely reminds me of Lord Byron's She Walks IN Beauty!


  • Green Stars
    October 14

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    ..it is so beautiful ..it reminds me of the old poets i love like,Walter de la Mare,John Kendrick Bangs,and Harold Monro..


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    October 14

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    This reminds me of 'The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock' by T.S. Eliot -
    the imagery in this is nice, soft, subtle and gentle.

    Clearly people like it given the trophies and applause;
    I don't think this needs any from me.

    Stay safe


  • SoulJourney
    October 13

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    beautiful!

    This is such a lovely poem, and reads wonderfully. Great job and congratulations on a well-deserved gold.

  • catstar
    October 10

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    This is absolutely beautiful. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Your descriptions, the magic of the scene. This has so much atmosphere it held me captive as I read it. Thank you for entering such a wonderful piece in my contest. This was a pleasure to have read. Thank you again and good luck.


  • Roy Flynn silver member
    October 8

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    Yes!!! i looked donw first and saw all the tropies and awards thinking, wow this must be a great piece to be so acclaimed by all... I do see why. This is truly a masterpiece in my opinion. Just perfect. Nothing more to say this piece cannot get any better. Amazing job my friend. im speechless


  • Tezrian
    October 6

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    (smiles softly and bows)

    The moon watches love that blossoms in the night, friendships that grow to such heights, and peaceful memories. This was a very beautiful piece, one that dances and flows much like a river basking in the moon's glorious presence. Cool and calm, she is the keeper, Mistress, of our Night. And He a willing captive. Just as love is a captive of the heart...or perhaps the heart is to love.

    (claps slowly)

    This truly is beautiful and something that is very tasteful and romantic. And also deserving of all the trophies it was given.

    Your Czarina,
    ~Seraph


  • Karen Layne
    October 6

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    I like this very much. The title of it grabbed me...I wasn't sure what exactly to expect, but I was quite charmed by the story of it.


  • whyspr gold member
    October 6

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    wow, I can see by all the trophies listed after this poem you hardly need me to tell you how great it is. So I will simply tell you I love it.


  • EternallyAlone
    October 6

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    you put rhyme together so that it makes a song. I am listening to crickets chirping, and the ethereal sound that breeds from romantic tension. Loved the non-drunk love.


  • Tmiller248
    October 6

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    Lovely. The intoxication of new love with the moon's light of wine.


  • smitaanand
    October 6

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    You have poured the ambrosia of magic through your poetry that tastes like honey on the palate of poetic appreciation.The last two lines are my favourite .The ending seems to be suggestive of many new beginnings and you have the art of a wonderful storyteller.Thanks for sharing and take care...


  • Goddess of illusion
    October 6

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    Beautiful, this has such a soft flow to it and seriously beautifully done, you captured the moment perfectly in but a few lines...

    I loved the imaginary, the moon... *sigh* The moon is always beautiful, even if there isn't one...

    Keep on penning with ink that never fade...

    illusion


  • jessibabix33
    October 5

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    this is beautiful! i was drawn in by the title and the rhyme and flow kept me reading. the imagery is fantastic. amazing write. good job and good luck :]

    reviewback xx

  • hend shaheen
    October 4

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    WOW!!! really great .....the imagery is so beautiful ...and the title is attractive....thanxxxx for taking time to enter and goo luck


  • Linaness
    October 2

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    I love how this poem tells a story throughout.
    It's so enjoyable to read, and I find myself wanting to read it over and over again.
    I love how the empty drinks and the moon pouring the white wine is incorporated with the story of the two friends developing their relationship.
    Lovely poem =]


  • AutumnAshe
    September 29

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    This poem is very creative and the imagery of the moon pouring the new lovers/old friends white wine is magical.


  • evershine-90
    September 27

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    Wow!! this is absolutely amazing! I love the beautiful story that you unfold in this with perfect rhyme and stunning imagery! Love this, Thank you soo much for you entry

    Evershine


  • Beach Bum
    September 25

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    Excellent

    I am so there! The imagery is well crafted. I only wish I had written this


  • John Faulkner gold member
    September 25

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    Outstanding write.I enjoyed your rhyming pattern very much.You do a great job putting forth your emotions and thoughts

    John


  • JamesLinde
    September 25

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    I like the moon imagery in both poems. I think maybe this is my favorite of yours.
    I don't think anything is overstated. That you can write so well within the confines of rhyme and rhythm is pretty cool I hope to be able to do that.


  • Tqop
    September 25

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    I love this! I really loved the last line. Thanks so much for entering and for sharing this. And congrats on winning so many trophys and awards.


  • arthyria
    September 17

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    love. love. love. and more love.
    i like the rhymes as a whole, the narrative structure.


  • prain82
    September 16

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    bad ass

    I loved that one.. that has got to be one of my new favorites!!!

  • poets whisper silver member
    September 11

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    If you have a shelf for your trophies I guess it is quite full and you need to start building another I've read this poem many times and love it more and more each time. The title alone is beautiful and imaginative. Thank you for entering †he contest.


  • Vintage Chiffon
    September 6

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    This is actually quite beautiful
    Thank you so much for entering
    You have set the best imagery in
    a poem that I have seen because I could
    completely play the whole scene in my mind

  • Bluemonday silver member
    September 5
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    a beautiful love scene and what a wonderful idea [the silver crescent of the moon leans down to pour white wine.]


  • Amera gold member
    September 5
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    Seven well deserving gold trophies; that must be a record!

    Love,
    Amera


  • Teomni Zelitel
    September 1

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    holy...wow. you already know how great this is im sure but thank you so much for sharing this. it is amazingly beautiful.


  • lynda
    September 1

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    perfect winner!!

    how can anyone compete with this??? this is the best..simply the very best...I'm at a loss for words


  • Rebekah-Ann silver member
    September 1

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    This is soooooooo romantic!!! Ah I just loved this! It was easy to read and the image in my mind was really that of a blueish silver background and the two shadow-like-figures. I never even thought it would end up in a kiss. LOVED IT!!!!

    Take care my friend
    Becks

  • Xxpoison.kissesxX silver member
    August 20

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    wow, this is a lovely piece. from start to beginning a picture with the moon.
    and the ending was fantastic!:]


  • Nickelspring gold member
    August 19

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    Be still my heart.... this is so lovely is all ways I 'll admit I finger tapped it (-a compulsion) to perfection.
    Excellent!
    K

  • Lulu Gee silver member
    August 19
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    Ummmmm!!! 'So the silver crescent of the moon leans down to pour the wine,'
    You are truly a master......a wonderful poem and I shall now go to read the sequel
    which I anticipate as being even more beautiful.

  • mhwillingham
    August 19

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    What a great poem. I love the emotion portrayed in your story.


  • ToXiC-AnGeL gold member
    August 19

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    Oh my Gosh
    this is absolutely beautiful
    off to read the sequel now


  • Masked Sonneteer
    August 19

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    On this, a dark and moonlit night
    El Zorro rode here to right a wrong.
    With a "Hey, Señor" and a smile so bright
    The blade says this poem is a song.

    Worthy of the mark of 'Z'

    and ze bunnies too, Señor

    Z


  • AutumnsFlame
    August 17

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    WOW. Awesome. Great rhyme, great imagery, great everything. Everything I look for in a poem is what this poem has. EXCELLENT job, and thank you for entering my contest!


  • poorme
    August 17
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    Jeff,
    Iloved this. The imagry is AWSOME>


  • jessicabuzz
    August 17
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    awesome thank-you so much for entering


  • Little Finn
    August 14

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    It all seamed like a dream come true. One of my favorite lines was "So the silver crescent of the moon leans down to pour white wine.


  • CelfistJett
    August 14

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    Ah, this was a good poem to read. Great vocabulary, and the ending was quite clever, full of imagination. Good flow


  • Daxteriana
    August 13

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    Wow. You got inspired by that haiku. We had to write haiku's in elementary school in order to pass language arts for that semester. •_O I passed with a C+. That's bad for my grades, but it's a great poem. Do you have any work published?

    I'll be willing to buy.

    Great write.

    Dax


  • devilsangel8806
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    omg. its wonderful. the imagery and the picture you paint with your words is amazing...great job!


  • WomanWriting
    April 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I'm sure your friend loved this poem.
    It is smooth as silk, and very romantic.
    Thank you for sending me the link


    WW (Leslie)


  • katie marie silver member
    August 10

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    Certainly deserving of the trophies it's garnered. I could feel the warming of the hearts as they shared their evening together and how could anyone pass up that wonderful line from the haiku.


  • Blue-Rose Beauty
    August 2

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    I've always loved loved this poem. It's so beautiful. Can you enter one I haven't read though.


  • Blushfulmoon silver member
    July 30

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    excellent~

    Written so beautiful
    I had to see who won Gold after I read the Bronze Trophy winner
    Also nice to meet you and hope you come see me
    Susan~~~


  • Aedara-Wren silver member
    July 28

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully well written it simply rolls of the tongue...or the mind I suppose since I don't read out loud :-p a really simple idea made into something very moving. I don't have much to say because I can't find any flaw and its simpler to say that this is an excellent poem as your record of trophies is further evidence for. Simple peaceful and subtle, well done.

  • spilled quills
    July 28
    Edit | Reply
    very nicely done. It has a delicious flow.


  • Tqop
    July 23
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    Lovely beginning. Thanks for your entry.


  • DesolatELifE
    July 20
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    oh yeah. In fact, I've read it twice before.

  • DesolatELifE
    July 20

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    I have read this before. I love that ending very, very much.
    This is the fourth most popular poem on this site of all time, apparently. I think it is better than those which are more popular.

  • toomuchtodo
    July 15
    Edit | Reply

  • toomuchtodo
    July 15
    Edit | Reply
    So romantic and soft, I love it


  • No Quarter
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    one of the most beautiful poems i've seen here...the imagery is so vivid...great language too.
    "The friendship starts to blossom into something more to tell.
    The tension in the garden needs assistance to decline
    So the silver crescent of the moon leans down to pour white wine."
    wonderful. thanks for entering and good luck.


  • BrokenHeart95
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    That was just WOW!!! I don't have any words... I liked very,very,very much... It was awesome,incredible,fantastic!!! I love it!!!


  • Blue-Rose Beauty
    June 30
    Edit | Reply
    I remember reading this one. Please enter another.

  • mwzephyr
    June 25
    Edit | Reply

    I liked the last linesthat turned the silver poem into gold...

    Excellent!


  • Neha Sharma silver member
    June 24

    Edit | Reply
    This is just so lovely & beautiful. I loved reading it. Its a verse that makes you feel so calm & serene. I loved the first four lines. They capture one's heart instantly. Thanks a lot for sharing this. Good Wishes
    -Neha


  • Michael Pastore
    June 14
    Edit | Reply

    This is nicely constructed!

    A lovely gentle lyrical piece. Very visual, I really enjoyed it


  • Aurielle
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    very perfect the rhyming order was done on perfect timing. The message here though seemed complex but the imagery was very personified the sun pouring white wine hmmm.


  • MissyYates
    June 9

    Edit | Reply
    I loved this piece! I love the night and just finished a piece about it myself. It didn't envolve romance but I think that makes the moon seem so much more beautiful! Great Write.


  • pain is love.
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    woderful poem i enjoyed reading it. I am afraid that it has one too many trophies however. I would like to give some other poets a chance.

  • DesolatELifE
    June 4
    Edit | Reply
    Hm. I think I have read this before.. does this sound familiar to you:

    I think it would be better if there was an empty line between each 'verse' because it would make the 'restart' of the meter more clear.
    And then you reply 'there is a gap really, you just didn't put it there'.
    Obviously not in those words, but something similar. Might have been a different poem by someone else, and there are far too many comments on this for me to check!
    Anyway, yeah, excellent.
    The last line was terrible, but then I realised I'd read it wrong.
    I'd read 'so the shiver accident of the moon learns not to call wine wine'. I don't know what happened to my eyes/mind. It's a syllable too long, but doesn't kill the flow that much, but would ruin the poem with such meaningless Dullary compared to the beauty of the rest.

    • cricketjeff gold member
      June 4

      Edit | Reply
      Yes the last line is "too long" pause after line 11 and take the "so" out of the last line, then read the rest of it.
      I have it centre aligned and all in one block, almost uniquely in my writing, because I like the way it looks
      By all means imagine it in 3 quatrains if you wish

      • DesolatELifE
        June 4
        Edit | Reply
        It does look good, yeah. And yeah, I shall imagine myseld some quatrains. I'm a rebel, right? (well I was a rebel, until you gave me permission)


  • SmartBrick
    May 29
    Edit | Reply
    I love it!


  • Vendelay
    May 27
    Edit | Reply
    Lovely, just lovely!


  • BluesMan gold member
    May 24

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    What a lovely picture you have painted here Your rhyme and flow is lyrically romantic. I can see why you have won so many Trophy's


  • DramaQueen469 gold member
    May 24

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, what a beautiful write... I can certainly see why it's won the trophies it has!! Best of luck in the contest; thankyou for entering

    Maria


  • All I Love
    May 23
    Edit | Reply
    Quite fabulous. Love the image and metaphor of the moon pouring the wine. Beautiful

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