At a table in a garden, on a soft, sweet, summer's night
Two friends are sitting talking by the moon's reflected light.
On the table in the garden there are glasses but no drink
And the friends are sitting talking, but they often stop to think.
The topics that they cover seem to range so far and wide
And the glasses sit there empty, since they left the drink inside.
The night is getting cooler but the friends stay close and warm,
The moon just looks down calmly, she has magic to perform.
As he leans across to kiss her, and she kisses him as well,
The friendship starts to blossom into something more to tell.
The tension in the garden needs assistance to decline
So the silver crescent of the moon leans down to pour white wine.
Author notes
I loved a line of poetry... by Dalaney.
Lane has removed all her poetry from the site now so you cannot find it, all that remains is the love of her friends and tributes such as this to the most perfect free verse poet I know. And a Damn good rhymer too!
I have now found a copy of Lane's Haiku :-
Bon Apetit
Little black spider
wraps its dinner in fine silk
the moon pours white wine
(added for a contest "Indie Cindy")
(For Eyes Wide Shut's contest OPTION FOUR and OPTION FIVE)
In a list
A contest entry
- Non Winning Pre-Write/End line Rhyme Only by Autumn-Rain.
600 points, ended April 12, 50 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites From March 2008 by Amaranthine Lover.
525 points, ended May 1, 41 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Real Love by EmmaLuLu.
360 points, ended April 29, 20 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme Baby!!! XD Have a go! by GalykSadie.
300 points, ended April 29, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Where Is The Love? by Ephemeral Twilight.
750 points, ended June 1, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options for the undecided. by Eyes Wide Shut.
875 points, ended May 28, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Insert Good Title Name Here by Abidoodle.
1750 points, ended June 18, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - 2Gold's - Enter Your Poems With 2 Gold's or More! by Midnight-x-Rose.
600 points, ended June 18, 16 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show Me The Love by Sarah Louise.
600 points, ended June 22, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A quick one for the best! by inksplatterskitty.
1800 points, ended July 6, 43 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I loved this!
Flowed and what a beautiful idea for a poem. It was wonderful!
Thank you for entering! -
Simple and sweet. Some parts of the poem I wanted to move faster, and the rhyme matches are common, but that may not be as apparent to some of your readers.
Good job. -
If I May
The title blows the entirely natural, logical last line.
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There is that, but the title has sort of stuck to it now
The whole poem was written towards that line.
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Good stuff.
You bring art and craft together and leave no seam.
Your rhymes are natural; nothing reads as forced.
And I like the waistcoat. Funny hats are declasse.
. Rewarded 4
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Wow! That was really good. I could really feel the passion in it and it felt like I was there.
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also, this goes on the list of my favorites, which is quite a select few
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I am truly honoured, it is a poem I love myself
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OH MY OH MY holy hot salsa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this is my favorite of yours so far!!! !
such exquisite , rhyme and flow...you truly amaze me, and I am in awe of your skills and look up to you!
such a Perfect tribute... and damn, the imagery... blew the ice cream off my cone
" So the silver crescent of the moon leans down to pour white wine.">>>>>omg this is PHENOM!!!!
it flows out so smoothy, and swishes around in my thoughts, emitting a slight and sweet fragrance, lingering on my taste buds...
....divine... that's all.
Sailor Ptolema 
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OH YA!!!!
MMMMM This is by far, something to howl at the moon about! You have truly inspired me with this lunar write. Everything about it lines up perfectly in my cosmo mind! It is chock "full" of imagery that is out of the galaxy. You have swooned me with this beauty! I LOVE IT! The moon is one of my most favorite subjects to pen about. And, I can see why your trophy case is overloaded. I will necer forget this one, for it has touched my itty bitty, poetic heart. One major piece of poetic royalty, my poetic friend in crime.You have my penning juices flowing, and I'm already penning one of my own luar poems, and it's all due to you. You have TRULY inspired me, as usual. IT'S JUST YUMMY!!!!!
POETDONTKNOWIT
THE YEAR ROUND FIRECRACKER
. Rewarded 8
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Do I take it you like it then?
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I agree with everyone it's great. You've got some really great rhyming skills too. Doesnt take away from the flow. Plus the topic is so classic. Kind of reminds me of the way my mother and father use to sit outside on sunday nights and talk.
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This is beautiful!!!! Amazing!
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Thank-you, it is perhaps my favourite poem of my own.
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friendships can blossom as this one did without the wine..i love it.
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Aww this is adorable. It shows the journey from friends to something more quite well. I really like that you give some sort of background as to what they were doing in the garden in the first place and that it wasn't just some random, romantic setting.
Thanks for entering and good luck in my contest
Sarah
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Awww I do love this... It's light hearted, but oh so very beautiful! Really lovely imagery and I adore the rhyming.
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had to come back and read.....
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Soft and lyrical love song, tender use of the line you borrowed. I hope the target of this poem loves it because it is beautiful.
Nice poetry.
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makes me jealous...
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Another beauty. I'm sold. I'll have to come back and read lots more. Guess I have another favorite.
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Wow, that was amazing!
My new favorite love poem.
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You're fantastic
ILY jeff!
AMAZING -
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I am pleased you like it, it is one of my favourite poems.
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FUCK
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Beautiful!
I love it! It painted such a vivid picture, and is so beautifully written. Excellent work.
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So the silver crescent of the moon leans down to pour white wine.
fantasic spin off
Add three more bunnies to it.
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359 now that is 180 for Lane and 179 for me.
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This was gorgeous. I loved it. I enjoyed that you combined two options as well! And the beauty of this poem, you made it so simple and beautiful. I really enjoyed it. Thank you for entering it.
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I loved this!! It's extremely impressive how you managed to paint such a perfect picture in my mind
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Quite impressive. I love the way you showed the budding love on a moonlit night. They way you describe it, I picture two teenagers. It is a very lovely piece that makes me smile as I read. I found nothing to criticize except, as aprilnadeau stated, the use of the word "since." I feel that eliminating the word brings the line more to life and gives it a feel of more intense beauty.
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Fine creative use of this mystical sounding borrowed metaphore.
Nice flow and end rhymes. Favorite line:L8, the moon has magic to perform. Least favorite: L6, Because of using since . I know why you used it , but would be better without it. Wonderful description of that moment when affection turns to romantic love. Return the favor?
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My goodness! This poem just re-affirms why I'll forever call you master poet! This was so so beautiful.
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A moonlit romance, what could ever be better, I haven't been on Allpoetry for about a year, this sort of poem makes me wonder why I went away.
It is wonderful
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Awww. this was really romantic and sweet!
I really liked the image that you created
here with your words.. and the flow
was really nice as well!
Best of luck!!!
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This is fantastic and professional quality. I think this is such a grand poem. If you write a book, I'm going to buy it.
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Lovely. But I agree with One angry monkey about the last line. If you have to say a word in a special way to get the line to sound right then you need to punctuate to make that clear.
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the crescent moon pouring white wine to fill the glass with love to the brim and to overflow....very interesting....
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great poem jeff, the lines were soft and steady with a perfect rhymes at the end. This is better than the pieces i've just entered in this contest, and i should expect to see you in the trophies.
My only quiver with this is the last line, and the title. the flow's not perfect there, which is was for the rest so i think it could just a touch better.
Thanks for the read.
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treat the word "so" as an isolated line on its own and you will find the final line without it is perfectly metered
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Oh, pretty! Lovely, beautiful. I love the image and the balance. The meter is splendid, and anything in a garden automatically has extra points... -Glass
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read my rules there is something you must write in your author notes
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Wow this is a fantastic piece! I loved every single line and it left me amazed. This is a great piece. This is sheer brilliance and this is what i want from the contest. Great Write and keep it up
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Dalaney's haiku is great! Your tribute is carefully penned, with good meter (apart from the extra in the final line) and simple rhymes, and it all presents a /soft, sweet/ image. I found the title to be the most inspired part of the poem, as you seemed to be more concerned with acheiving correct scansion than with illuminating your image.
. Rewarded 6
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great poem the rhythm and flow is perfect.
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I like this
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lyrical
Like the flow and the rhythm.
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Lovely visions of the magic of love spilling under the moon. I love the whimiscal feel of this, just like falling in love.
blessings,
Michelle
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loved the last line..Wonderful poem indeed... you are making me miss my hubby more!!!
All the best in the contest...
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great poem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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a very enjoyable read...
Yes, I can see why you love that line so much; it is vibrant with imagination. I like your rhyme of course, and I notice you start each line with a capital like the classic poets did.
The emotion of the poem is vivid and I can feel the suspense in the air, the empty glasses showing me the need for something to happen....and it does, with the glasses being filled with a kiss.
How could I improve it, as the suggestion asks? I hate to critique such a good poem and my choice is pedantic. I do not like the word "just", to me it has no meaning, and I would think of a subsitute.
Great poem.
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The rhythm of the last line is a little rough, but this is a charming piece of work. I'm glad I "discovered" you! - oce
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To be strictly accurate there is an extra syllable in the last line. The "So" is an extra word and you could read it without it, I just prefer it with it in
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BRAVO
Excellent write I dream of this great write often and now I have read it I can't wait for reality to set in and this become a memory!!!!! LO_AMO SALUTE!!! -
wow damn thats so good ive had something simeler to that happen to me befor it was so amazing your so talented it would mean alot to me if you would comment one off my poems and tell me what you think in a comment you could read um guys are so freakin its a funny one or um one of mt new ones i dont realy care i just would love it if you would commment one off my poems please thank you
love your veiwer
kathy
aka
scarred for life16
. Rewarded 8
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Superb
I really liked your imagery. However, if i'm out on a date and "the moon leans down to pour me a class of white wine", I think I'ld get up and run away from it.
Again, very well written.
Perhaps, you might like to take a look at my whimsical piece: "Designing Space Parameters".
Here's the link:
http://allpoetry.com/poem/4105675 -
I like it
This is a great write, you're a very good writer.... Great job keep up the great work! -
Once again my friend you have drawn such a beautiful picture with your words! I can't understand why you didn't get the Gold on this one...but congrats on the honorable!!
. Rewarded 4
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The rhyming was okay, simple which in its own vein works quite well in itself. The repetition of certain words didn't move me too much, and by the end I just wasn't interested anymore.
I can't take away from the fact the story told seemed to hold a picturesque quality to it, and in that good work. -
This is a lovely poem, and a great tribute to your friendship. I enjoyed the meter, rhyme and images; even the detail of the drink forgotten inside. This is worth all the praise you have received.
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everyone else has already said>.
I really enjoyed reading that
You really captured the magical moonlight atmosphere
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Beautiful
I am so glad I stumbled across this one. Such beautiful imagery and a lovely story as well
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I have gone to ask my Dad for points so I can do the rewards!
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I have just joined this site, and only read half a dozen poems or so, this is my first comment. This is a wonderful poem, I would love to meet the poet and the person that inspired the poem.
So romantic, sitting in the moonlight and falling in love, and only getting the drink afterwards! -
Great job, reading and feeling the moon pours white wine, the amazing and wonderful sights in my eyes......
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I love this!
It's just so amazing! What a beautiful story woven into great imagery and flow.
Great Write!
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Stunning poetry and the white wine and a brandy would be offered if Lane saw this.
Love, C
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Love the imagery... I had fun reading this... I also love how this tells the story of how a friendship evolved into a romantic relationship... Beautiful write here...
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Your words roll ever so smoothly. A delightful read, indeed. Light and full of fun imagery... Made this reader feel good... Thank you
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What lovely verse depicting the warmth of friendship that becomes something more! When the words and kisses leave us, and only the moon is left to pour white wine... oh my! I feel the shadows and lace--like opalescent gossamer curtains.
May she find her sun...and the sun find her laughter.
~ K
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Just Fantastic...!
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This is an excellent write. Keep it up
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WOW !!!
This is a beautiful and romantic write with lots of mystery hidden in the lines. The darkness, the moon, the silent conversation, the kiss. It is all there. I especially liked the last line of your work. It is all beautiful.
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AWESOME!!!
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Worthy of being spotlighted
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three thumbs up!
First class," cricketjeff"!
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totaly deserves the attention it gets
this one is quite honestly the best thing ive read in a long long time.. this is my fourth time reading this .. i love it -
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