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nature of natura

the wind is a hair brush,
     combing the wheat of the meadow,

           pulling out rays of sunlight hidden within

toes like rain drops sprinkling the roots

     dancing to an executioner's cries,

"Whip poor Will!  Whip poor Will!"

shriveled sassafras behind framed windows

      forgotten remnats of yesterday's tea

            insightful repercussion poured

                in grandma's favorite mug

and the taste upon ruddy lips

      sussurrations of the breeze,

            in one bangled ear

                 and out the other.

face of a cloud floating,

       my muse taking shape

framed by strawberry curls.



~~~

Author notes

rockerchkpoet

Okay, title explanation!!!

Natura is the Latin origin of "nature". I was using this like the world, you know, Mother Nature. So the "nature of nature" would be the characteristics of nature.

kinda sucky, but yeah, I tried really hard on this one... I let myself go and just was myself.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • sideways hourglass
    August 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    the imagery is rich. this is written in a different style than your others ones, which is why this one is a stand out. you are a talented poet, don't let anyone ever cause you to doubt yourself.


  • blackday
    March 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think, with a bit of work, you can grow more as a poet by being in this contest. I'm going to let you in, but just make sure you work at it & stuff. I'm not like Tyler, I look for much different things. haha

    Here's your link into the group.

    http://allpoetry.com/group/show/project%20poetry


    • And Hyetal
      March 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      *bangs head on desk* I get used to one person wanting one thing, and then another person wanting another... geez, what are you people???

      Thank you so much for the invite. I'll definately work harder.

  • blackday
    March 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This poem was cute. The thought of a little girl with strawberry curls & the nature around her. I can see her in those little overalls & freckles all over.

    The first stanza is probably the best in the poem. It was really nice.

    I didn't really get a full meaning out of this poem though. Obviously people enjoy your write & it's of quality but I just don't get anything above & beyond about it.

    I'll come back & read it later & see if I feel any different.

  • And Hyetal
    March 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    1. Name [Real & User]: rockerchkpoet/ Cassie

    2. Age: 15 (16 in a month)

    3. Amount of Poetic Experience: umm... Well, I've been writing since middle school, but I joined AllPoetry in 2006. I guess that's when my real "experience" started... I never really WROTE poetry until AP.

    4. Typical/Strongest Style: I write romance and nature most often, but I'm better at nature.

    5. Unusual/Weakest Style: angst, dark, anything of that nature. I like those styles, but I just suck at writing them.

    6. Favorite Type of Inspiration: Usually I just write about whatever comes to my head, but if I had to pick a form of inspiration, I like picture prompts.

    7. Amount of Multiround Experience: I've been in a couple rounds contests, but none of them major. One exception... I'm participating in a rounds contest called "Teen Idol", which, in my opinion, is very VERY major. I am currently in the Top 7!!!

    8. Some Accomplishments: Well, there's the Teen Idol contests I mentioned above. I have 76 trophies, including my 4 blue class trophies.

    9. One Fact I Don’t Know About You: I'm absolutely totally obsessed with the band Bon Jovi.

    10. Additional Comments You’d Like Me To Read: I'd love critical comments on my poetry. I need to know what I'm doing well and what I can improve!


  • animated lies
    March 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I don't think its sucky at all, and obviously that gold trophy backs me up! I really enjoy your poems. You have a very unique style. Thank you for sharing this with the group.

    animated


  • Namita
    March 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    WOW. YOU WILL WIN THE TEEN IDOL!! I TOLD YOU, DIDN'T I???! AMAZING... CONGRATS ON THE GOLD!!! Love you.

    - namita


  • Amera gold member
    March 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I see why this masterpiece won a little gold effigy. This is beautiful in imagery. The poem flows like liquid glass when read outloud. Well dome!

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • grannyeri gold member
    March 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Certainly did like this style of write - liked the creative use of space, the wonderful images, the great verbiage and the flow of the poem. Wonderful gold winner too - congratulations.

  • piccola silver member
    March 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    (clap clap clap) this is great! congrats on the gold, it is very deserving. Thank you so much for sharing with the group.


  • Candy6
    March 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    very beautiful

    Great poem.


  • maralisa silver member
    March 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    a great poem thank you for sharing this poem with the group


  • Amy Meneses
    March 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love how the formating looks like a twister. I thought that went well with the content. Very creative!


  • Naridill gold member
    March 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I agree - little over done topic - but you have painted imagery with such dedication. The phrasing and beautiful that opens this piece to such intense emotions is captivating.


  • Mad As Rabbits
    March 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You always have the coolest titles.

    And I agree with Tyler, simple with lots of meaning deep down. In my opinion, those are the best kind of writes. It's amazing to see how much you have improved from round to round....it's beautiful and yet intimidating at the same time

    Best of luck this round.

    Love Always,

    Caroline


  • Tangled Angle
    March 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    98.0

    L1: "hair brush" should be one word.

    I think this is one of your strongest.

    The title is cool, at first I was like "Well it's alright", and then after I read the poem and saw the imagery and metaphors...then I thought it was a really good title. The sound of the title even sounds cool

    At first I was in complete confusion about this part:

    'dancing to an executioner's cries,

    "Whip poor Will! Whip poor Will!"'

    I just had no idea what it meant. But then I wondered, "Why the name 'Will'?" And then I realized that perhaps the name was another way of representing a slave being beaten, symbolizing your "will-power" (being overcome by the master [most likely your father, mother, or society])

    I think if you would have elaborated on that a little more, the clarity would be better. Some poems require thought, but I had to sit here and ponder for a little more than I felt was necessary? That part just seemed vague to me.

    Really, that part is the only part where I stumbled.

    The overall metaphor is not unique, but what you did with it was very well done, and I think this is one of the best this season. Simple...but deep down there is so much to this. Well crafted and executed.

    Overall, superb job.

    • And Hyetal
      March 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Also another thing... I also used "Whip poor will" because that is an actual BIRD, a whippoorwill that obviously gets his name from the call it makes.

      Even though it sounds creepy, they bird has a really pretty cry.


      • Tangled Angle
        March 12, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        lol I would have never known that. haha
        That's pretty cool though!

        • And Hyetal
          March 13, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          I used to live in South Carolina beside the woods and they were all over the place there. Loved listening to them.


  • Ryno
    March 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    You of course no what I think.


  • x-Black-Butterfly-x gold member
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh wow this is amazing and it is not sucky remove that from your author notes or i will sulk. its powerful well done

1 - 21 of 21