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All I Can Be

I climbed the mountain for the wind so free,
I had the need to see who I can be.

The wind was confused as he blew on my face,
“just go ask the sea of who you can be”.

So I looked from the mountain and turned to the sea,
I then asked the sea; “just who can I be”?

The ocean replied with no more than a wave,
then the stars heard my plea of who I can be.

The stars looked and they shined with a smile,
"Amera, don't you see; you're all you can be."

 

 

 

Author notes

Modified Ghazal:

A Ghazal is a poem that is made up like an odd numbered chain of couplets, where each couplet is an independent poem. It should be natural to put a comma at the end of the first line. The Ghazal has a refrain of one to three words that repeat, and an inline rhyme that precedes the refrain. Lines 1 and 2, then every second line has this refrain and inline rhyme, and the last couplet should refer to the authors pen-name... The rhyming scheme is AA bA cA dA eA etc.

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1 - 18 of 18
  • abu nuwas
    July 9

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    Neat

    It is properly put to-gether, and reads easily, following the frame-work laid down by the author. It seems stricter than my recollection of the Arabic original, but clearly the writer has not just made up all these rules.

    My Arabic dictionary just describes it as love poetry, or erotic poetry. I shall look up elsewhere out of curiosity.

    It would be nice if the writer would accredit its Arabic origin; if all positive stuff from the Middle east is ignored, it is not surprising that the West comes to believe that the only culture there is that of the extremist. Just a thought


  • rhondasail
    September 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Though a previous commenter makes note that the form is not perfect in the traditional sense of ghazal...there is a movement within the text that flows and brings the physical to the divine, and the sensual to the divine...there is the thread of love throughout, which IS the tradition theme of ghazal. Your rhyme is really quite good for a modern ghazal, and it is not 100% set in stone that all of the couplets must be separate 'poems' in and of themselves. It is the usual custom, but not the only rendering of the form. You have a great skill with the imagery and that is what truly drives the poetry...the emotive quality and the repetitiveness that the audience can join in and make it their own...you have reached the goal, just not the way others would expect. As for me, I love that! Peace, Rhonda


  • Swan song gold member
    March 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love the last line of this poem. I thnk it is the most important one!


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    March 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Spot on with the form, absolutely spot on.


  • Raazi
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi Amera. Thanks for entering
    The first couplet requires the presence of refrain in both lines. Also, all the couplets of a ghazal need to be unrelated. They need to be like independent poems.
    Please IM me after editing and I'll be back to read it again. Also, feel free to message me about any questions about the form.
    PS- the last couplet is very powerful


  • KayJay
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely. You've captured the meter which escaped me. When I was researching this kind of poem form, I saw "the first couplet, which introduces the theme, both lines end in the rhyme and refrain." You may want to rethink your opening line. Best of luck, Ken


  • PerVirtuous
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Got to love those stars... this is classic in form and image. More of your flawless work which we have come to expect.


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this as well..My goodness. this one looks like so much fun. Dont know I may give it a try, in my own private cubby of course, so not to embarass myself.

    Love you
    Passions


  • Desire gold member
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow!!

    Oh My Word!!
    Powerful message You have penned and I just LOVE the energy also the images~
    Beautifully done!!

    Love that form too
    Keep that quill dancing...
    Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
    Many blessings to You in the contest Sweet Soul
    Best wishes too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • seamaiden
    March 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Oooooooooohhhhhhhhh, this is so beautiful. I have not seen this form before. Your talent for writing shines brightly as you are "all you can be" with this. I was mesmerized by this and I will have to study the form some more before even daring an attempt. Thank you for sharing this one with me and good luck in the contest. Keep writing poet. seamaiden ♥


  • Ithica silver member
    March 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    There is certainly no one like YOU! You are such a unique talent, and I too doubt you are all you CAN be, just yet! Your voice has yet to reach everyone intended, and I know when the time comes, you will know what to say! Great job flexing that poetic muscle!


  • Faeryn
    March 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome poem, Amera!!! Such a cool form. I love you.
    Tay


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful Lady Amera, and you never cease to amaze me with your poetic prowess *sigh*


    Love and peace,
    mj


  • Poetry-and-rhyme
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    sissss this one rocks ur just great in everything what ever u do turns out great your last couplet is so sweeeeeeeet sis u rock


  • JohnnyD gold member
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    OHHHHH, I like this form, very nicely done me sharp clawed cubbie, flank steak material for certain.
    and perhaps a new scratching tree???



    Dad


  • cricketjeff gold member
    March 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A wonderful poem, that isn't a surprise, but I have caught you out in a major error which is!!!

    There is no way yet you are all you can be, you just get better and better. There is a lot more of Amera still to be born, of that I am 100% confident.

    Thanks for all your poems.


  • Lexie - gold member
    March 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Yes you are

    this is wonderful as always!
    i wish you luck, but this is already golden


  • StarEyes
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this!!!!!! What a great read this one is, and you are all you can be Sis!! For no other could be like you!! Great job on this one!!! Fantastic!

    Best of luck in this contest!!

    and love

    Nyetta

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