The day we first held each other
our love took flight
it flew us
through the years
it helped us cry those happy tears
when our child was born
our love was sworn
for we were brought
even more closer to one another
there will be no other
to share the love
that has been shared between us
A contest entry
- Where Is The Love? by Little Lottie.
750 points, ended June 1, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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The rhyme is a bit juvenile for my tastes and in the first three lines you do not rhyme at all making the rest of the poem seem out of balance. The message, however, is lovely.
-
i wana fall in love!...but hey theres not much rush awww
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Love don't Swear ! It's knot polite !
OK.
Versification can be soooo import-
ant in poet-
ry. I thought may
be one could break
up
the continuity, and provide more
meaning by, for
ex-
ample,
THE DAY WE FIRST HELD EACH
OTHER OUR LOVE TOOK
FLIGHT IT FLEW
US THROUGH THE
YEARS IT HELPED
US C .... and so on.
You do realise
"THERE WILL BE NO OTHER
TO SHARE THE LOVE
THAT HAS BEEN SHARED BETWEEN US" is true regardless of any interference or lack thereof?
Regardless, or regard
more
,
yours
-ly,
MA.
-
You write of love and happy things, so I'm wondering why you've molested your shift key. The capslock addiction makes it seem like you're pissed off, which doesn't quite fit the tone of the poem.
hiraeth. -
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i'm SH-ifting OUT!!!
AWWW, COME ON.
IT IS simply a DECLARATION of WHAT IS and WHAT THE F*K!!! maybe.
And Boy!(?), have YOU molested MY eyeball TO-Day!
Master Anarchy.
-
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