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Hardest Goodbye

I don't wanna shed another tear,
I don't wanna be the cause of all your fear.
I'm not gonna close my eyes at night,
'cause I don't wanna' see the tears caused by the fight.
I know that you love me but it isn't enough,
I know you hate me but your easin' it up.
If you could see the hurt rushin' down on me,
maybe things wouldn't be the way they be.
I know you wanna live out your 'life'
so I'm gonna forget about this ragin' strife.
I don't wanna shed another tear,
I dont' wanna be the cause of all your fear.
I'm not gonna close my eyes at night,
'cause I don't wanna see the tears caused by the fight.
Now I'm gonna let you go
'cause I know it's what you want in your soul.
So go on honey walk out of sight,
'cause to me this is the hardest goodbye.
Your heart don't have to be split in two,
'cause I know this is the right thing to do.
I don't wanna shed another tear,
I don't wanna be the cause of all your fear.
I'm not gonna close my eyes at night,
'cause I don't wanna see the tears caused by the fight.
You can love him any time that you want,
you don't gotta worry bout my heart bein' shot.
thinkin' of this makes me think about that story in the bible,
oh deep inside, know I'm allways disciple.
When he walks away, know by you I'll always stay,
I'll be waitin' on the outskirts for you that very day.
I don't wanna shed another tear,
I don't wanna be the cause of all your fear.
I'm not gonna close my eyes at night,
'cause i don't wanna see the tears caused by the fight.
I know that you love me but it isn't enough,
I know you hate me but you're easin' it up.
So go on honey walk out of sight,
'cause to me this is the hardest goodbye.
And thinkin' of this makes me think of that story in the Bible,
oh deep inside, know I'm always disciple,
and when he walks away, know by you I'll always stay,
I'll be waitin on the outskirts for you that very day...

Author notes

wrote this after read Eclipse. point of view is Jacob Black (my favorite character)

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Nam
    April 14, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    The apostrophe doesn't go in front of "wanna" or "gonna" the words themselves are slightly conjoining the two words to make one with the use of "na" at the end, in slang. I would suggest removing the apostrophes. Otherwise, for all the uses throughout, it looks silly.

    "cause i don't wanna' see the tears caused by the fight." -- here's where the apostrophe should be for the word "cause", and that's because for two main reasons, one the apostrophe is replacing the "be", and the word "because" and "cause" are two different words with two different meanings. So, you should add the apostrophe in front of "cause" as "'cause". Not just for this line but for the other uses of "cause" that is the shortened version of "because".

    "oh inside i hope you know, ill always be your disciple." -- you should have an apostrophe in "ill" without it you're making a different word with a different meaning which makes it nonsense.

    Now, you do have words where you use the apostrophe correctly at the end, where it actually replaces the letter but as stated above, the "na" is what's replacing the other letters, so, having an apostrophe at the end of that; there is no reason for it.

    Other than those things: a nice poem that you have written here.

    -Nam



    • upperworld06
      April 15, 2009
      Edit | Reply
      thanks for actually helping me with this, not many people point out what needs fixed and it kind of annoys me, of course, I should have went through and fixed all that before I submitted it anyway. lol o well, thanks for the help.


  • SingMeToSleep
    March 3, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    So, I absolutely love this poem. It is truly amazing. I think it is an excellent characterization of Jacob. However, I do have one suggestion: you don't need an apostrophe after words like "wanna" or "gonna." Other than that, I thought this poem was great!

    Thank you for entering and good luck.


  • Maili Knephthan Greeters member
    October 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is a nice poem. I can see Jacob thinking this although until you explained it in your AN I didn't realize it was Jacob you were talking about. I have only read 2 of the books and loved both of them. I am waiting to read the third. Thank you for entering


  • Missa
    October 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    kool great work!


  • Bohemianwriter
    October 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    AMAZINGGGGG!!!!

    WOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!! THIS IS MINDBLOWING!!! IM A FAN OF RHYMING POEMS AND YOU ABSOLUTLEY BURIED THIS!!!! IT WAS GREAT! THERE ISNT A THING I WOULD CHANGE ABOUT IT!!! ITS SO SAD TOO! IT SHOWS JUST HOW MUCH JACOB LONGS FOR BELLA.

    I don't wanna' shed another tear,
    i don't wanna' be the cause of all your fear.
    i'm not gonna' close my eyes at night,
    cause i don't wanna' see the tears caused by the fight.

    That part would make a good chorus for a song, would you mind if i used it?????? its absolutley amazing and i promise you'd get full credit for it!..

    THANKS FOR ENTERING! AND GOOD LUCK!!!


  • RunningFromReality
    October 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Awww so sad, but cute in a way. Eclipse is my second favorite book of the series, so this was enjoyable to read. I think you should separate and grammer check this poem a bit, just to make it easier for others to read. (But don't worry, I am not holding that against you. ^^) Thanks for entering, and good luck!


  • storiesuntold
    August 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Sad indeed

    I know of this devistating pain you speak of here and I dont ever in my life want to feel it again


  • Shancy Fayre
    June 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    You have some good metaphors in this one. Thanks for entering. Shancy.

  • buddhamiss
    March 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Very well done..

    You have talent.. I would like to hear this performed.

1 - 10 of 10