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for all the times she never did.

He cries
gray rainbows in the murky puddles,
leftovers from a storm that blew her hair
in the greedy wind.
He even smelt the perfume, like summertime
in the heart of winter, choking
his mind with the apparitions of better days.
He’s played guitar with chapped fingers
and voice that distinctly resembled
the calls of someone in the treetops
trying to touch a zenith.
Now all it takes is stoned skin, a container
for his shark emotions, trying to
escape in his tears. And still
summer turns black every time
he cries.

A contest entry

Shoot.

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • JustAnotherIdoit
    March 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for the entry... hmmm wonder who added this.

  • unraveled
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice, I like the imagery a lot, I love simple endings like you did here, and I think you tell a whole story in these few lines. There's a lot of things that can be inferred. The middle part felt a little like a run-on sentence but you pulled it back together. Nice.

    -cassidy


  • SmokinHotWhiteTiger
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very complicated but masterfully penned poem and I really liked the way it was done. your poem has a flow that is very beautiful and healthy as your title sets the first line into motion as they intermingle together and just create a thang of beauty. any ways just a very well rounded impressive poem here. I will be extremely suprised if you don't place in this contest when it closes. any ways good work here and good luck =)


  • Metaphorist
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I saw this contest a while back and it seemed impossible to me with this prompt to not be cliche. But you did it- I love the line "choking /
    his mind with the apparitions of better days". Line 9 might work better as "a voice" and line 13- "shark"? Did you mean "stark"? Well, yeah, great stuff.


    • Ryno
      March 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Aww thank-you very much
      Nope. shark random, I know, I'm working at incorporating it more into the poem


  • layla.
    March 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    "Now all it takes is stoned skin, a container
    ...
    he cries."

    sigh. you can build well developed characters. very well done.


    • Ryno
      March 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Aw. Well, I would've never assigned that challenge if I hadn't tried it myself before


      • layla.
        March 10, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        show off


        • Ryno
          March 10, 2008

          Edit | Reply

          thats not to say i was GOOD at it


          • layla.
            March 10, 2008
            Edit | Reply
            WELLL*nagging tone* you said it right after my compliment!


            • Ryno
              March 10, 2008
              Edit | Reply
              i was trying not to reject compliments. for once.


              • layla.
                March 10, 2008
                Edit | Reply
                tsk tsk lame excuse after being caught. been there done that. now i am ancient and wise. HA! you are LYING!!!

1 - 15 of 15