From a thousand errors i constructed a scenery,
foundations of broken weeping
sobbed in the twilight of regret.
Carmine bricks of sanguinary heart.
Stated and cursed words
fears piled up, close the voices,
in the anxiety of not hurting, illusions vanish
declaring mea culpa in the glance.
Fragments of thoughts compose the roof,
spreading scattered light in empty rooms
and unconscious walls of tears.
Words are poured in paper,
will of one time, once upon repented
but not absolved.
How much was spread in time,
that like a gentle birdie went away.
Wretch origin
when in the wish of saving the pain ...
In the confidence
one drives in, poisoned thorns.
Cursed hope that ceases
in the dawn without annunciation.
Of dry face, without wrinkles
only the paleness of the soul if reflect,
between skinted eyelashes.
Away it went,
not even a word exchanged, a glance
or a sketch.
Away it went, at dawning of a new day.
A contest entry
- Pre-Writes That Deserve A trophy by piccola.
600 points, ended August 9, 2008, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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this poem captured the despair and greif perfectly, it described exactly how i felt when i heard my aunt died, good writing
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Beautifully Sad
I feel the sorrow deep within this poem.. It makes me remember my great grandpa and how he passed away over 40 miles away. I never got to say goodbye, nor hold his hand. He used to tell me old stories and would help with my poetry alot. And the title fits the sorrow.
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awwww das sad
i wrote one like dis bout my grand dad
tell me what u think please -
Great work!
Good in describing your pain.
I am sorry for your lost. I had lost my grandfather and it hurt me soo much to forget about him. I still can't forget about him, but always remember that he will always be in your heart! I am here for you as a friend!
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Great write. And I am sorry that you lost your grandfather. Grief is never easy to get over. You have a lot of excellent imagery going on here. I hope that you win a trophy with this poem because it is deserving of one. Thanks for sharing this poem with us I know it had to be very hard because it is so personal. Thanks again for sharing
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I know how you feel i just lost my grandfather last year... i think that this poem is great and you should keep writing... there is passion and pain all mixed together... i just want to say i really like it and it speaks to me and brings tears to my eyes... im sorry for the loss u had to endure to write such a beautiful poem... your grandfather would be proud...
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That was amazing poem.. I can relate since my grandfather just past away recently. So much feeling and passion. Love your vocabulary.
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I love the ending line. The dawning of a new day ... ending on a positive note to a sad situation. Thanks for entering.
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ah..a heartfelt sketch you brought here..touching indeed ..well done..and my thanks for sharing it...my friend..
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you did an incredible job of describing the pain that you were feeling when your grandfather passed away. if you ever need to talk to someone, im here for you.
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Brilliant poetic devices used through this poem,
i loved how you set about writing it.
Your use of vocabulary is excellent for English not to be your native tongue. It is also very metaphorical which is usually hard for most english poets to capture, but in this poem you have did it gracefully.
Thank you for the pleasure.
Slán
Dolores xx
xx
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It wasn't written in english i had to translate, hard task, considering that my language was words that do not exist in english.
I am glad to have given you a pleasurable reading.
Blessed B.
Allura
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