I peer into conscious refrain,
reigns tugging at the frame of my neck,
a stray fabric piece, pulled over my eyes
with the ink of thought, now spilled.
I was a mere see-saw of raw emotion
unbalanced in the trepidation of crowds;
like a voodoo doll in the wrong hands,
pins pricking into cotton
as soft lies into the mind:
perceptions dettered into unfocus,
as suspensions of blasphemy.
They were a cluster of dummies
their worlds set in concrete expressions,
and while I doodled into my dreams
they tugged and nipped at my exterior,
it seemed thought was endangered
my mind came to near-extinction,
a prize in the hunter's gallery.
My seasons turned slowly to fiction,
and the paint on my canvas dried
such that a quill beheld my salvation.
I procured a dot,
and punctured it with scars.
Author notes
Asfand.
[more than] 15 lines.
Personality-poem.
Teen Idol 7
[i've been a hell lot through my life, even abuse - am i emotionally scarred form the rest of my life - ya think?]
[writing is for me - the best thing that could describe, call it fake or cliche, but it's what you get. writing is a break from reality, dunno know what i'd do without it.]
I MADE EDITS!! I feel this is my strongest write ever because i've never been this honest before and this is really really p[ersonal so -
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 7: Round 7 (Top 8) by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended March 13, 2008, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Teen Idol 7: Round 11 [Top 3 - Finals] Part 1/5 by Tangled Angle.
650 points, ended May 2, 2008, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Criticism Is Very Much Welcomed -- I Am Here To Learn
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Still amazing. :]
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Imagery - personality - emotion - metaphors
You balances and maintained all beautiful. Your heart had spasms through this and it was captivating.
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Good gracious, you're intimidating. You're an absolutely amazing poet. I loved the idea of a see-saw of emotion, very true and a nice refreshment to the cliched roller coaster metaphor.
Best of luck this round (although you really don't need it
).
Love Always,
Caroline
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97.4
Forgot the applauds, and your score.
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I felt every bit of this. This was one of your best so far this season.
My criticism is only on the punctuation. I felt there were too many commas, so it kind of came off as kind of like a list- but just a little bit.
Besides that, excellent job.
And...out of everyone in the contest...you are probably the most consistent. And by now I truly believe you could be the next Teen Idol.
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you'll be amazed, but you made me really really really contagiously happy by that...
thanks sooo much, that means a hellot!
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Ooooh, this was kind of...flowy.
I was kind of swaying back and forth when I read it.
I like your word choice, and you really made everything come together without using "I" or "me" or "my" that much.
I hope the judges like.
~Cassie
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