these have been strange days,
... where I sit
and spin my life away.
my last cigarette in my
mouth, 4:16, I carry
the firing squad with me
for the purpose of
being shattered.
there's a hole in me ;
as uninvited as a drunk
man's song ... the fragments
of being, to be, for once,
whole.
as I sit, I feel
a greed, I grow numb
for peace of mind, deep
inside I've always known,
feeding on the back of mind
and the clock strikes
nothing, on my violent angel,
through which I breathe ...
in these moments,
the true self emerges -
like twisting the knife
and wishing your blood
wasn't red.
Author notes
option #12 : the title of the work & the entire poem is taken from lines or parts of lines from the poetry of Klixxz.
(list of poems used):
1-Retribution 2- Discontent 3- Drop of Wax
4-Latent 5-mediadusa 6- Dust
7-The prison 8- Smoke 9- 4:16
10-mother of fortune ( La Fortuna)
11-The breaks and the levers and the clock strikes nothing
image is a collage and mixed media by artist Eric Lecourtois.
In a list
A contest entry
- Muses for the masses (options galore) by Goldfist.
500 points, ended March 28, 2008, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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very grim
...but effective!
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Congradulations.
You won the color green. I really liked what you did with my poetry and was so pleased that you didn't butcher it that I gave you 30 points. -
Congradulations.
Your poem has been chosen as a preliminary finalist and will recieve applause from me before I decide on the winners. Each poem also gets an additional comment that illustrates why it was chosen as a preliminary finalist.
This poem was actually very hard for me to read since all the lines used were from my own poetry and the poems you took from kept flashing in my mind and getting in the way of your piece. I had to read through it several times to get the full breadth of what you'd written. You put this together very well and the relevance of the picture chosen for the piece was very appropriate, both the fact that it's mixed media and the picture itself. I liked that you didn't just throw lines together but actually placed them within a context that was built using them.
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Cleverly done and very deep. Excellenty done with the piecing together. Thanks for sharing, i went back for a second read
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That was cleverly done!
What an interesting way you wrote this, at first I thought wow! That's one tough last smoke, must be a
metaphor for a change that is happening, the author
notes allowed me to see how cleverly you wrote this!
I bet we all went back to the poem and read it a couple
times to enjoy how you wrote it...very clever, and an
interesting concept! thankyou dear poet!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : ))
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this is very ncleverly written and right from the beginning it draws the reader in to think.well done
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A clever poem and difficult to do, piecing together parts of other works to fit this type of format. You've done a great job, and the poem is full of depth.
Until exhale,
Grimoire -
Borrowed lines, from a genuine heart and soul...
This poem sings of self doubt, wonder, discouragement, and being lost in a mental fray. It makes the reader feel, and walk away with a slight sense of regret. Wonderfully done my friend, even though it makes me want to weep some. You always amaze me. Like now.
Blessed be,
Billie Jean
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Sounds like a late night with not nearly enough sleep to me. If Harry was here, he'd tell you to take one last puff, put your butt out, and snap the elastic on your pants until it smarted a bit, then laugh at the silliness of it.
Don't take it too seriously, yeah?
Good writing
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last night was my night for a "pity party" ... but that was last night. today is today. thanks for reminding me of that.
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sometimes we have to have the party before we can move on
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hmmm....
you are the only one to have chosen option 12 thus far in the contest and I do like what you've done with it. Good luck and thankyou for entering my contest.
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