I was on the stage, performing
as a member of the band.
The crowd enjoyed our music
and were dancing hand in hand.
I guess you heard of ‘Groupies’
and yes, we had a few,
but there is a ‘Horror Story’
that I must confess to you.
The band was on a break
and I was sitting at the bar,
when an ‘Ugly Lady’ hugged me
who was smoking a cigar!
She was dressed in many colors
and her breath was really gross;
She, most likely, had the ‘Crabs’
and that is what I feared the most!
Many people there, were watching
and their laughter had begun
when she wrapped her arms around me
and no place for me to run!
She told me that she 'Loved' me
and ‘Good Grief’, I really trembled!
When she flashed her ‘Winning Smile’,
a ‘Jack O Lantern’, she resembled!
She said her name was ‘Bessie’
and she wished she was my 'Wife'!
I almost ‘Crapped my Pants’
and I was ‘Fearing for my Life’!
At last, the club was closing
and soon, I would go home,
but little did I know
that I wouldn’t be alone!
I took an ‘Alka Seltzer’,
then, I drove home in my car.
‘Bessie’s’ on my door step
still smoking her cigar!
I laid a ‘Patch of Rubber’
as I quickly sped away
to find some place to hide
and to live another day!
I telephoned the cops
to say my life’s a ‘Living Hell’!
"There’s a ‘Nut Job’ on my door step
who needs a Padded Cell!"
As they put her in the cop car,
she threw ‘Kisses’ in the air.
I went inside; I Locked My Door,
then, Changed my Underwear!
Author notes
This is basically a "True Story" that actually happened to me!
(everything but the cigar!)
*pic. courtesy of Photobucket.com
In a list
A contest entry
- Brilliant and/or Funny by A Dreamer Awake.
800 points, ended March 29, 2008, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes.......But it has to have emotion by Nikki Rowles.
450 points, ended March 17, 2008, 70 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Haha!!! by siddy jones.
450 points, ended April 22, 2008, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Have you ever been involved in a 'Fatal Attraction'?
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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Wow that is hilarious
I hope my poetry will be as funny as yours. Due to my short attention span I don't usually read longer poems, but in this case I couldn't stop reading
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Thanks & Click
Glad you liked it!---Please read this--It is is rather long, but it's constantly building up to a pretty funny conclusion and is one of my all time favorite humor writes!---Click link---> http://allpoetry.com/poem/5252354
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lol
great write
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The funniest one
i loved it alot
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lol...lol
finals -
That was the funniest thing i've read on here. congrats on the trophy's. you deserve them. I just can't believe that this actually happened to you. Great poem. loved the rhyming. It flowed very nicely.
kaycee
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i enjoyed this alot. I thought that this was very funny and I loved the rhyme scheme in it! I can not believe that this happened to you. This poem flowed very very well, and I could picture this in my mind as I read it. thanks for entering my contest and good luck!
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That is the funniest thing I have read! And it really happened? That is...awsome! You did a really great job! Thanks for the laugh
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LMAO!!!! Poor you lol. I loved this really cute story. The rhyme schemwas very good. It flowed well too. Thanks for entering and for the laughs
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lol
Wow this is funny i liked it alot. Its very well written and the flow was great. thanks for entering my contest. i wish you the best of luck.
..<3..
Shelly -
This is funny. Veyr random. But I like it. That picture had me rolling on the floor laughing alomst. Nice job
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haha! really funny and random! and i loved the flowa nd the way it rhymed! brilliant! good luck!
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very funny, bessie sounds like every guy's nightmare! Good luck and thanks for entering my contest!
~cheers~ -
hehehe that is brilliant! You do humour so well!
Now that's a scary tale, being confronted with her!!
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HAHAHA!! Well deserved GOLD! Hilarious, truly!
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THAT WAS WICKED!
laughing and laughing! that was a lovely wicked funny
poem to enjoy! I'm sure we all laughed along as we
read this clever write! laughing & laughing!
Fun-Fun-Fun....well done too!
ears/Seattle.
I probably would have moved too!
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Fantastic
Oh wow this was so great. You really filled this one with laughter. Congratulations on the gold. It was well deserved.
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OMG
I love this it is funny as all get out you made the finalists -
This poem was like watching a movie. I love happy endings.
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OMG this is great - thanks for sharing with me lmao
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Bessie, sounds like a lovable old gal...soooooooo funny!
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LOL!!!!!!!!!!! Thats halarious!!!!
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You poor man...I guess that's one of the darker sides of fame You brought a smile to my face this morning, thank you and best wishes in the contest.
Margaret
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rolfmao
LOL you poor guy lmao Excellent job here
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ROFL, that was hilarious! Rhymes were great, a little forced at times, but the imagery and the ideas are unforgetable. I wanted to cry. Love the picture. Best of luck in the contest.
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LOL. This is such a funny poem!!! The imagery in it was brilliant to say the least. Thank you so much for sending the link to me. Good luck in the contest.
Cathy
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wow this is so funny why dont you enter in my contest celebrate my first gold hit my funny bone because it certainly hits the funny bone my friend yes many times i have had a fatal atraction they seem to follow me around the weird and wonderful
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Hahahahaha!!!!! Love it!!! You are so funny!! Best of luck in the contest.....
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OH MY HOW EVER DO YOU DO THIS
GREAT PIC
THIS WAS JUST TO MUCH FUN TO READ
HA HA
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Liked the rhythm, rhyme and flow of this funny poem. Not funny to the person being stalked by this mad woman, but funny to read about afterwards. What a picture - sure looks like a crazy broad to me too.
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LOL that was so funny! Good job and goodluck in the contest!
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Sooo funny.......great write and best of luck!!!
Did this really happen??
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Excellent
You are so very lucky I finished my cup of coffee, befire I got to the end of this.
LOL
I truly enjoyed reading this my friend.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Well done.
Keep up with the great work.
Keep on penning.
Thank you so very much for sharing your wonderful talents with us.
*S* Cynthia
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OMG this was awesome. Thanks for sharing i havr to finish laughing
Love
Passions
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This is funny poem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)) I love it! Great job! :))
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oh lol oh she was too cute grin
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Brilliant! Just what I needed today...a good laugh. Thanks so much for sharing and all the best in the contest.
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absolutely loved it! the final line topped it perfectly.
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lol
Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed it so much.
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hehehe i like bessie my kind of gal brilliant good luck
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LOL You really have a wicked sense of humor
great poem babes
Love it xxx
Julie
x
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