Strangulated by erosion,
there was nearly no return,
soul’s eternity locked in entropy,
dying slowly from exposure;
not to the cold of the elements,
but the freezing, desiccated fingers,
pulling my spirit far removed
from any inkling of future contentment.
When those last precious moments
seemed like they were ticking away,
that I was going to lose myself forever,
your lips, from which a word oft sprang,
to reside comfortably within my ears;
that word was “friend”, an eternal crutch,
though my heart ached for so much more,
words I thought it would never hear.
Unbeknownst, those words I craved
in secret, your lips spoke them to another,
telling how you had long desired,
for your heart to beat next to mine;
“Friend” you were, but you wished more,
yet, like me, fear constrained you,
our hearts reached out, grasping for each other,
neither our lips could speak the words
Then came that one glorious evening,
when your astounding aqua stars
shone upon me when you approached;
blazing in their light, the world changed,
I knew what their message meant;
sitting next to me, our hands reached out,
eagerly entwining, fitting like lock and key,
our lips never needing to utter a sound.
The next day brought a brief farewell,
neither the weather nor separation,
could dampen the fire within our essence;
as we took the others heart with us,
no matter what was to come,
throughout all our rises and our falls,
my soul will always be anchored to the moment
of our first kisses in the rain.
Author notes
This piece is about the night (and the day after) myself and my partner first got together. We had been friends for a while and had both developed feelings for each other, but we had never told each other. However, we had each both told a friend in secret and it eventually came out, on the night of her birthday, which is when we finally got together.
In a list
A contest entry
- Options For Everyone! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended March 15, 2008, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want your BEST prewrites!! by perfectsunset.
1000 points, ended April 24, 2008, 60 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - True Love by Samantha Marie.
450 points, ended October 5, 2008, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - FIRST KISS IN THE POURING RAIN! by Bohemianwriter.
850 points, ended October 22, 2008, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - SWEET UNFORGETTABLE KISSES by ennovy.
900 points, ended April 21, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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this an awesome piece of poetry....well written and beautifully metaphoric free verse.....thank you for entering my contest...novy
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boy am i glad to open this contest! if i knew i would be getting enteries like this! i'f have a contest every hour!!!! this was outstanding it was like a story of two lover longing for each yet unable to find the words to say it...defanitley the situation im in now! which is one of the reasons i done this contest! hoping someone would write something i could really relate to! emotions all over the page and i absolutley loooved the last 2 lines....
my soul will always be anchored to the moment
of our first kisses in the rain.
but maybe you should add a little more about the actual kiss maybe word it and deatail it a bit more...
but overall greeat poemmm!!
Thanks for entering!
GOOD LUCK!
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Many, many thanks.
I'll probably leave as is, it's an older piece and the whole point was to finish it with the kiss, sorry, I know that means it fits in with the point of the contest a bit less
I should have just written a new piece lol
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Aww this is beautiful!!!
"loose" I think you meant the word LOSE in the second stanza. I just don't want you to have any silly errors in the beautiful piece.
"eternal crutch" This was really cool.
"fitting like lock and key" a bit of a cliche, but not a tired one. Nice metaphor.
"neither the weather nor separation,
could dampen the fire within our essence;" Gorgeous.
I love this poem, really well written.
Love Always,
Caroline
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Many, many thanks. It's always the little ones that I miss, no matter how many times I read or re-read over.
Must be old age creeping in.
That's it fixed now.
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awh this is just lovely~!
thanks for entering and good luck
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Thank you most kindly.
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Aww, this was so beautiful. I love the imagery and emotion dripping from each word. Loved these lines
"Then came that one glorious evening
When your astounding aqua stars
Shone upon me when you approached
Blazing in their light, the world changed"
Thank you for your lovely entry & best of luck
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This is such a beautiful piece, so romantic and... special? I would love to have this moment! I think you've described the bringing together of two people that ultimately care for eachother more than anything and mastering it with this title makes it even more beautiful. Nicely written.
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It was a good moment and at the time, one I thought would never come. Guess that can often be a marker of falling in love with your best friend, you never think they'll feel the same way and often you are scared to say anything because you think you will loose or later down the line, damage that friendship. I think I was really lucky that she felt the same.
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