We were very tired, we'd been so busy.
Riding the subway made us dizzy.
But you had your Ipod and I my cell,
To quench the circle of this hell.
Bodies pressed close and garlic and sweat.
Winter boots were reeking wet.
We were very tired, we'd been so busy.
Riding the subway made us dizzy.
Then we climbed the stairs to the streets above.
The snow, once white and soft like a dove,
Had slicked the sidewalks under the moon.
We prayed for spring to bless us soon.
We were very tired, we'd been so busy.
Riding the subway made us dizzy
But, after we climbed the subway stairs,
We found a market and bought some pears.
In the quiet of a snowclad park,
We made some angels in the dark.
Author notes
Edna St. Vincent Millary
Vocabulary - Recuerdo is the Spanish for "keepsake" or "momento"
A contest entry
- Parodies (serious or satirical) #62 by Lyndon.
3970 points, ended April 6, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - They Speak for us not only for themselves by Draig aine.
2250 points, ended April 30, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you like best about this piece?
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Beautiful
loved the ending such a perfect peaceful lapse from the rigors of societal interaction. Memories can be such a gift.
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you pull at my heart strings
a poet who rests firmly in my soul, a wonderful take on her work, Edna is smiling down ob you, glad that you were here!
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Would love to have met her. Well, maybe in the ether, if there is such a place.
Thank you for your comments. -
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I belive we all are in the ether
either aware or not i am not sure, she left a lasting impression both in word and persona, I was a very serious youth and she is someone time will not allow you to forget, I am lucky, to have had a chance to meet her
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Cool parody, excellent rhyme and flow.
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FPA-member of the Algonquin Round Table, friend to such luminaries as Alexander Woolcott, and Edmund Wilson (ohBunnnny!). Dorothy Parker said he was the most faithful puppy she'd ever owned
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I think you have done his work a great service.
I thought your poem was full of funny stuff, and there's a bittersweetness to it.
I wish you the best.
love,
jin
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His work?
Edna St. Vincent Millary was a woman. Thanks for the comments. -
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Franklin Pierce Adams.
Tobbogganing on the Parnassus.
This comment was meant for someone else.
You received the wrong comment.
Im sorry.
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Your lines tend
to be shorter.
A good parody. However, as I have said to several others in this contest, do not let the parody fade towards the end.
Thank you for entering.
Lyndon of the Winklings.
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I could tell my lines were a bit on the short side as compared to Millay's! It was fun to write, if not totally faithful in form. I've always liked Recuerdo and it's the poem I associate with Millay, not depressing like that other one -- "if I could trade the memory of the night for food," etc. That's a bit too melodramtic for me.
Thanks for your comments.
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Hi!
Recuerdo
WE were very tired, we were very merry—
We had gone back and forth all night on the ferry.
It was bare and bright, and smelled like a stable—
But we looked into a fire, we leaned across a table,
We lay on a hill-top underneath the moon;
And the whistles kept blowing, and the dawn came soon.
We were very tired, we were very merry—
We had gone back and forth all night on the ferry;
And you ate an apple, and I ate a pear,
From a dozen of each we had bought somewhere;
And the sky went wan, and the wind came cold,
And the sun rose dripping, a bucketful of gold.
We were very tired, we were very merry,
We had gone back and forth all night on the ferry.
We hailed "Good morrow, mother!" to a shawl-covered head,
And bought a morning paper, which neither of us read;
And she wept, "God bless you!" for the apples and pears,
And we gave her all our money but our subway fares. -
Wow, another Millay!
I like this, AND I like the line about pears.
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This is really a good job ...
except on rereading it, I definitely do not like the "pears" line. Other than that, it's very well done.
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Not exactly forced ...
but anybody who is not familiar with Millay and her writing wouldn't get it, so you're basically writing a poem that doesn't quite stand on its own for that reason. As far as what anybody else says about that, it's immaterial to me. Lyndon and I are the judges. Nobody else.
So, basically my point is, the poem is fine, but you have a line that most people wouldn't understand. Compared to the majority of what I see here, that's inconsequential in comparison.
Anyway, thanks for entering. -
The "pears" reference was a salute to Millay. Too forced?
jjj
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This parody spoke of sincerity more so than humor i really enjoyed reading this. You stayed on topic really well and your end lie was really sweet
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Well done, this is a lovely rendition of both poems, with just the serious self-reference they have. It is amazing how times change and people do not. Best of luck with this!
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Nicely updated ...
and after referencing the said old poetry and feel that you took this challenge and ran with it. Very nicely shared and good luck in the contest. joy
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